Protect Yourself From Bad Information

I’m a sceptical person. I’d just like to lay that out for you right now, I’m sceptical and I know it. I’m especially sceptical when someone is trying to sell me something. As you read below, I recently covered a sex toy workshop led by a sales rep from Fantasia. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a fun time and I’m not saying that it wasn't a great idea from the Womyn’s Center – it was a fun idea for sexual awareness and fundraising.

And it’s not like the sale’s rep could have known that her audience wasn’t completely made up of naïve university students; but, as a rep for a company that touts itself as a provider of sex education for women since 1980, she needs to get her facts straight before she allows the infection of bad sex information to spread any further.

Think of this column as a bit of an inoculation.

Firstly, Anal Sex: you may have read my article on anal sex at the beginning of this semester, but in case you don’t remember it very well, here is a refresher:

Anal penetration is tricky. You have to be careful when engaging in anal play, because it’s very easy to hurt yourself. In fact, if it hurts, you need to STOP, because you are doing something wrong.

So, when someone suggests that women (or men) should use a numbing gel on their anus to ease anal sex, some of us have trouble restraining ourselves from jumping up in the middle of the multipurpose room and shouting “Gah! No!”

The wall of the anus has a different bend than the vagina and just isn’t as durable. If you press too hard in the wrong direction you risk tearing the wall of the anus. And if your anus wall has been numbed too much, how are you going to know that there is a problem?

Sometimes anal sex can hurt because you aren’t relaxed enough. As Paul Joannides mentions in his book, The Guide to Getting it On, your bum has two sets of sphincter muscles that relax and tighten, depending on whether you are trying to go to the bathroom or hold it in. One set of these muscles you can control and the other you can’t.

So, to enjoy comfortable anal penetration, you first need to train these muscles to relax when you want to insert something. This involves a lot of trust, relaxation, practice, and lube – trying to numb the area might do something to help relax you, since you won’t be so scared, but it won’t force the muscles to relax. You could end hurting these muscles if you catch them by surprise or try to rush things – just because you can’t feel them clenching, doesn’t mean that they aren’t still there.

Another reason why anal sex might be painful is because you aren’t using enough lube. I don’t want to sound too Sue Johnanson here by shouting “MORE LUBE” at the top of my lungs, but seriously folks, you can’t have anal sex without lube – if it hurts, most likely it’s because you aren’t using enough. Although the numbing gel will technically help lubricate your anus, you’re better of grabbing a nice big bottle of KY.

You should stop and figure out why anal penetration is hurting you before you continue; not just numb everything with whatever gel someone is trying to sell you. Remember: Stop, Think, then Go.

I also want to mention how irresponsible I feel it is for companies to promise orgasms to every woman, so long as they buy the particular product, or combination of products that the company is offering. For example, the g-spot kit, which includes a finger mounted stimulator and some magical g-spot lotion that will supposedly give you not only a g-spot orgasm but, according to this sale rep, will make you ejaculate. Remember when I said I was a sceptical person?

This is quite a hefty claim, considering that not every woman can ejaculate, not every woman enjoys g-spot stimulation, and that there is mounting evidence suggesting that not every woman has a g-spot!
But, perhaps this is a topic for another day.

Shay Out