Gifts for Those "Hard" to Buy For

Picture this: it’s Christmas morning and your family is gathered around your Christmas tree (or menorah, or Kinara, or the table for Eid). Your family gleefully begins unwrapping presents — but not you — no, you’re waiting for them to open the gifts that you picked out for them.

First, your younger brother, the fastest to unwrap his gifts, he jumps for joy when he sees the porn DVDs that you got him. Then you spot your sister, at first she looks confused, but then holds up her waterproof vibrating bullet with an exuberant smile of gratitude. Next it’s your father, who squeals with delight as he discovers the shiny black prostate massager you picked out for him. And finally you see your mother share a look of excitement with your father as she shows him your gift to her, a rabbit vibrator with a strap-on harness.

Sex toys can make great holiday gifts. They are fun, functional, personal and they are truly a gift that keeps on giving — at least until the motor breaks down.

However, I understand that as a student on a budget, sometimes it’s hard for you to figure out which toys are the best value for your hard earned money. That is why I hit our local Stag Shop to check out what toys will give you the best "bang" for your buck.

There are a lot of options out there to fulfill your sex toy needs: in fact, there are so many that sometimes things can get a little confusing. Here's where I come in.

Chosing a vibe can be really confusing when you don't know what they do:
Bullet vibes and mini vibes have virtually the same purpose; they are usually used for clitoral stimulation and sometimes for nipple or anal stimulation. They are both easy to manipulate and come in both the waterproof and non-waterproofed varieties. However, a bullet can be harder to hold because it’s rounded and the whole thing vibrates, whereas a mini vibe has a grip. A bullet is designed for insertions, or dipping, while mini vibes are not always meant for that. On the other hand, there’s no real difference if it’s only going to be used as a clit stimulator. When it comes to choosing between a mini vibe, like the Pocket Rocket and a bullet vibe, you have to think about what you or the person you’re buying for would prefer.

A standard vibrator is larger and is meant for some insertion, along with external stimulation. And while hard plastic vibrators are usually cheaper, the more expensive silicone vibrators are generally more comfortable to use. Silicone toys are also usually hypoallergenic, this could be the perfect gift idea for your favourite latex-allergic roommate.

Rabbit vibes are expensive. In case you’ve never heard of them, these vibrators are called "rabbit" because they consist of a longer phallic shaft, with a small clit stimulator — which is often shaped like a rabbit — mounted near the base. Generally the shaft vibrates and rotates, while the clit stimulator vibrates. Things get expensive when the toy includes things like rotating beads in the shaft, bi-directional rotation of the shaft and multi-speed vibrations. While a rabbit vibe might be out of your price range this year, it’s something to keep in mind for that special someone someday.

Cock rings can make excellent stocking stuffers; they are small, not too expensive and come in a variety of materials and styles. However, for a beginner, I suggest a softer ring, like the silicone ring mentioned in my table. Using a softer ring will still be stimulating, but there is less risk of compression injuries and it’s easier to find the perfect fit.

Buying a masturbator for your little brother, might seem a little weird at first, but think about it: you’re providing him with hand-held safe sex — minus the relationship. Masturbators are pretty simple — the price generally has to do with the material and the detail. You'll want to look for one made with U3, a good quality sex toy material that is super soft and smooshy.

Perhaps an anal stimulator isn’t something you would want to give to everyone on your holiday shopping list, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind. The most important thing when shopping for an anal toy is to get something with a flared base or something else that will ensure that your favourite aunt doesn’t lose her new butt plug inside of her. When you're picking out anal beads, get ones that have a big ring at the end that one can use to help pull the beads out. The Aneros is a more expensive toy, but it is an excellent male prostate massager.

Whether you’re looking for the perfect gift for a lover, a roommate, a favourite sibling or just a little something for yourself, sex toys can make a great "I didn’t know what to get you" gift, or a “hey, let’s have sex” gift, or even a “here’s something to help you chill out” gift. Just picture the happy look on your Secret Santa’s face when they unwrap the beautiful anal beads that you picked out just for them.

Protect Yourself From Bad Information

I’m a sceptical person. I’d just like to lay that out for you right now, I’m sceptical and I know it. I’m especially sceptical when someone is trying to sell me something. As you read below, I recently covered a sex toy workshop led by a sales rep from Fantasia. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a fun time and I’m not saying that it wasn't a great idea from the Womyn’s Center – it was a fun idea for sexual awareness and fundraising.

And it’s not like the sale’s rep could have known that her audience wasn’t completely made up of naïve university students; but, as a rep for a company that touts itself as a provider of sex education for women since 1980, she needs to get her facts straight before she allows the infection of bad sex information to spread any further.

Think of this column as a bit of an inoculation.

Firstly, Anal Sex: you may have read my article on anal sex at the beginning of this semester, but in case you don’t remember it very well, here is a refresher:

Anal penetration is tricky. You have to be careful when engaging in anal play, because it’s very easy to hurt yourself. In fact, if it hurts, you need to STOP, because you are doing something wrong.

So, when someone suggests that women (or men) should use a numbing gel on their anus to ease anal sex, some of us have trouble restraining ourselves from jumping up in the middle of the multipurpose room and shouting “Gah! No!”

The wall of the anus has a different bend than the vagina and just isn’t as durable. If you press too hard in the wrong direction you risk tearing the wall of the anus. And if your anus wall has been numbed too much, how are you going to know that there is a problem?

Sometimes anal sex can hurt because you aren’t relaxed enough. As Paul Joannides mentions in his book, The Guide to Getting it On, your bum has two sets of sphincter muscles that relax and tighten, depending on whether you are trying to go to the bathroom or hold it in. One set of these muscles you can control and the other you can’t.

So, to enjoy comfortable anal penetration, you first need to train these muscles to relax when you want to insert something. This involves a lot of trust, relaxation, practice, and lube – trying to numb the area might do something to help relax you, since you won’t be so scared, but it won’t force the muscles to relax. You could end hurting these muscles if you catch them by surprise or try to rush things – just because you can’t feel them clenching, doesn’t mean that they aren’t still there.

Another reason why anal sex might be painful is because you aren’t using enough lube. I don’t want to sound too Sue Johnanson here by shouting “MORE LUBE” at the top of my lungs, but seriously folks, you can’t have anal sex without lube – if it hurts, most likely it’s because you aren’t using enough. Although the numbing gel will technically help lubricate your anus, you’re better of grabbing a nice big bottle of KY.

You should stop and figure out why anal penetration is hurting you before you continue; not just numb everything with whatever gel someone is trying to sell you. Remember: Stop, Think, then Go.

I also want to mention how irresponsible I feel it is for companies to promise orgasms to every woman, so long as they buy the particular product, or combination of products that the company is offering. For example, the g-spot kit, which includes a finger mounted stimulator and some magical g-spot lotion that will supposedly give you not only a g-spot orgasm but, according to this sale rep, will make you ejaculate. Remember when I said I was a sceptical person?

This is quite a hefty claim, considering that not every woman can ejaculate, not every woman enjoys g-spot stimulation, and that there is mounting evidence suggesting that not every woman has a g-spot!
But, perhaps this is a topic for another day.

Shay Out

Sex Toy Workshop on Campus a Success

If you happened to walk past the Multipurpose Room on the evening of November 21, you may have been treated to the sounds of little motors grinding, relaxed laughter and strange, almost sexual shouting.

As part of Love Your Body Week, the Womyn’s Centre put on a Fantasia party in an effort to raise awareness about sexual health. Positive attitudes about sexuality are a big part of loving your body and so the organizers felt that a sex toy workshop seemed fitting.

In addition, 10 per cent of the profits from this event went to support a local women’s shelter. Not only did this event promote sexual health for students but it also helped to bring a measure of mental and physical health to women in our community.

Fantasia is a sex toy distributor whose agents organize home parties to sell sex toys — similar to the Tupperware parties that your mom or grandmother used to have. But instead of discovering new ways to store your leftovers, attendees learn about new ways to orgasm using a variety of sex products.

Sales consultant Charlotte Loke quickly put the room of 50 or more students at ease with her casual style and imitations of what a properly stimulated clitoris might sound like. I was very impressed with the large group of women ( and the eight men), often at events like this people are uncomfortable, but I did not hear any nervous giggles. Everyone seemed to be listening intently to Loke’s enthusiastic sales pitch and laughing at all of her jokes about neglected clitorises and products that would provide "a party in your panties."

Loke placed an emphasis on women and their bodies, rather than on couples or "man-pleasing," which was refreshing. She talked about the importance of foreplay for female arousal — how it prepares the vagina for pleasurable, non-painful sex — and offered many products that would help encourage blood flow to important areas, like the clitoris.

Not only did Loke carefully go over all kinds of ways that some toys could be used to achieve orgasm — like the Dolfinger, a jelly finger-mounted vibrator, which can be mounted on fingers, a penis or even another toy — but she also presented us with some unusual uses for some sex toys. For example, even I never thought of using a rabbit vibrator as a hand massager to relieve writer’s cramp!

Loke emphasized that women can’t just wait around for someone to give them an orgasm, like some sort of party favour; they have to go out and get one on their own. And knowing how to give yourself an orgasm makes it easier for you to teach someone else how to give you one too.

This ties in very well with the theme of Love Your Body Week — loving yourself, literally, is very important for your physical, mental, and sexual health.

[But wait! That not all, don't forget to read my other post about this event!]

From couch groping to hot sex in the bedroom

So you’ve been dating for a while and things seem to be going really well. Now comes one of the trickiest parts of the relationship: making "The Move." That is, making the move towards the bedroom for the first time you have sex with a new partner.

Whether you’re a virgin or not, making "The Move" for the first time with someone can seem like a huge deal, . That's why both men and women often try to plan out “The Move” in meticulous detail, but sometimes all that worrying and planning can just end up making it that much more difficult and awkward.

When you know that you are both ready and that you both want to take your relationship further, it’s best to just let things take their natural course. You certainly don’t want to rush into things too soon.

I know it seems weird for your sex columnist to say something like that, but it’s true: when it’s the right time you both should know it and you won’t have to think about "The Move" — it will just happen.

If you’re obsessing over planning how, when and where to make "The Move," then you might not be ready. It might be a better idea to take things more slowly; you’ll want to savour each moment during each sexual and not-so-sexual experience with your partner.

When I was a young teen my dad explained to me that romantic relationships go through a series of stages: the holding hands stage, the kissing stage, the making out stage, the heavy petting stage, the sex stage, and so on

After that, he told me, there aren’t many more steps, so it's more important to make sure that you make the most of each step that you do take, instead of trying to hurry right to the next one.

But I’m sure you don’t really need my "sex-ed" type lecture.

What you’re looking for are tips for knowing when it’s time to make "The Move" and possibly how to do it.

For most people, typically the best approach with a new partner is not to say something like "so, after this let’s go upstairs for sex, okay?" At least, not until you are actually having sex together regularly and you know that they’ll find that kind of thing cute.

I’m a big fan of communication in relationships because it clears up assumptions and expectations and keeps us from screwing things up too badly.

So, you might want to simply ask your partner if they are ready to get sexually intimate with you.

Ask them "Do you feel ready to have sex with me?" “Should we have sex tonight?” “How would you feel about me fucking your brains out for the next three hours?” — something like that. Hopefully they will give you an honest answer and you can progress from there.

But there are other subtle and not so subtle ways to let a new partner know that you want to take it from making out on the couch to full-on sex in the bedroom.

Try some touching, try some unbuttoning, try some whispers "Oh, you look so hot tonight," “Oh I’m so excited,” try some slipping of hands into undergarments — pretty much try things to let your partner know how interested in sex you are and monitor their responses.

I would like to emphasize here that monitoring your partner’s responses is key. Recognising and being sensitive to when they aren’t interested or ready for the next level can make all the difference between keeping a relationship going or being charged with sexual assault.

You’re just trying to let your partner know that you’re ready, not trying to force them into anything they aren’t ready for.

If your partner pushes your hand away as you slide it up her skirt or down his pants, then they are probably not ready. If they grab your hand and guide it further towards whatever you were groping for, then they might be interested and you should try more.

But remember that "no" still means “no,” no matter how far your partner lets you take things before they say it. And keep in mind that if things do go well you may just flow smoothly into sex right there on the couch, so make sure you have condoms ready!

Or, if you really had your heart set on taking it to the bedroom, one of the best times to suggest it is when you are both trying not to fall off the couch as your making out gets more physical.

Even if your partner isn’t ready that night, all is not lost. If they are a healthy individual, they will be ready at some point — you just have to be patient. Who knows, maybe they are just waiting demurely for you to ask and if you’re lucky, they might even make "The Move" for you.

Interview with Seka, a Porn Legend

Seka is a retired now, but in her prime she was a very active and very well known porn star. She first started here career in 1978 at age 24. Between 1978 and 1993 she appeared in 184 films and even directed two! She did everything from sex with other women, anal sex, masturbating/sex with toys, and even double penetration. She's arguably the most famous porn star of the 80's.

During her prime her stats were:

Measurements: 39-23-34
Height: 5 ft 8 in (1.73 m)
Weight: 118 lb (54 kg)
Hair color: Platinum blonde (dyed)
Birthdate: April 15, 1954
Orientation: Bisexual

Although she's retired, Seka still keeps herself very busy with public appearances, running her fan club and website, etc. I was lucky enough to catch her in her booth at The Everything to Do With Sex Show in Toronto for a brief interview:

Me: I know you're really busy here, so lets jump right into the questions. You went far in the porn industry without getting a boob job, so what are your feelings about fake breasts?.

Seka: I feel that getting a boob job is fine, it's a good self-esteem boost for women who might need it. However, if you have it done for your career you won't find it as fulfilling.

Me: When did you get yours done and why?

Seka: I didn't get my breasts done until later in my career, when I was getting old, to keep them from drooping. *wink*

Me: What are your thoughts on condom use in pornography?

Seka: I think that condoms are extremely important for the safety of the actors! One of the reasons why I stopped performing was because the studios were not demanding condom use in their films and weren't demanding that their actors all be tested. I liked waking up alive, so I quit.

Me: I know that one of the many reasons you were popular is because you frequently shaved off your pubic hair. You were doing it well before it was popular in the states, so what made you decide to start?

Seka: *laughing* A director just asked me to shave for his film, I said "sure" and never looked back.

Me: You're still making a good living off of films and pictures that were done many years ago. How do you feel about having achieved this sort of immortality through the media?

Seka: I feel that it's quite an honour.

Me: What advice would you give to a young woman just getting into the porn industry?

Seka: My first piece of advice is to demand testing and demand condoms. And get an education for afterwards - you can't make a living in front of the camera forever in this business.

Me: Well, that's it. Thank you so much for your time Seka.

Seka: You're welcome!

Seka then left me to get back to her lineup of fans, but not before making sure that I got an autographed photo of her (pictured above). ^_^

Home-Made Sex Toys

We’re over half-way through the semester now. This means that a lot of you, especially those of you who are away from lovers, are probably starting to get a little antsy by now.

Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed about — you’re all adults. Adults who have needs and desires, not to mention all the tension and stress from your busy schedules and course work that needs to be relieved somehow.

It’s no wonder that you start eyeing your roommate’s new vibrating toothbrush when you get up in the middle of the night to take a short break from working on that assignment.

You have needs that sometimes your hand just can’t fulfill and we all know that the average high-quality sex toy doesn’t always fit into a starving student’s budget.

Heck, a rabbit vibrator like the one from Sex and the City can cost you anywhere from $50 to $160!

But not to worry, dear reader, your very own sex columnist is on the case! I have developed a fabulous list of great ways that you can satisfy those carnal urges using everyday items from your very own home:

For myreaders with a penis, you could try slipping a condom into an empty toilet paper tube or into half of a paper towel tube. Then fold the open end of the condom open over one end of the tube and hold it down with your hand. Lube up, slide in and pump.

You can get free condoms from Health Services and everyone has empty toilet paper tubes, so this is a pretty cheap method.

You could also try this: squirt a bunch of lube into a plastic bag and then smush it between your couch cushions or between your mattress and your box-spring. The tricky part here will be not getting any of the lube on the furniture. Once you have the lube baggy in position, just insert and "go to town."

What about grabbing a couple of small, clean sponges, wet them with warm water, squeeze them out and line them up in a plastic cup. Squirt in some lube, rub some lube on yourself and... well, you know the rest.

Or how about this: warm a cantaloupe or some other small melon on the counter in the sunshine or carefully in the microwave. Cut a hole around the same diameter as your penis on one side and scoop out a little of the melon goo, then cut a smaller hole on the opposite side of the first hole.

Lube up, insert penis and experiment with covering and uncovering the smaller hole as you stroke in and out.

Or you could grab that vibrating toothbrush and try rubbing the back of it — the non-bristled side — below the head of your penis.

Don't have a penis? No problem! I’ve got inexpensive tips for you too.

The next time you’re at the grocery store, buy yourself a nice firm fruit or veggie: an unripe banana, a cucumber, a zucchini, etc. When you get home, decide if you want to use it warm or cold.

Some people like the coldness of a previously refrigerated cucumber, while others prefer to warm theirs up for a few seconds in the microwave. Then slip it into a condom, tie off the end, insert and enjoy.

The benefit of using food items like these is that you can peel and eat them afterwards — it’s very environmentally friendly!

Of course, if you find the idea of playing with your food unappetising, you could try using other items from around your house.

Things like thick highlighters, the handle of a hairbrush, your toothbrush carrying case, the handle of your squash raquet, etc, could be the just thing to help you through a nice refreshing study break. Just avoid using items that are sharp, contain harmful chemicals (like C batteries) or are breakable (like a perfume bottle). And when in doubt, use a condom to make sure that everything is nice and clean when you use it.

For a variation on the above, try cutting your cucumber in half and hollowing it out a bit or use your empty toothbrush holder — put an electric toothbrush in the open end and use this contraption as if it were a regular vibrator.

Whatever your pleasure, remember to wash anything thoroughly before you insert!

If you’re just looking for some external stimulation, forget about using the other props and just rub the back of the vibrating toothbrush on your clit.

If you don’t have a vibrating toothbrush you could try using something else, like a small container to massage your vulva. Or you could try using a towel, sheet, or blanket — hold one end of the blanket between your feet and the other in your hands. Then rock your pelvis to rub your vulva on the fabric — instant and inexpensive pleasure.

Hopefully these tips will help to get you through the rest of this semester. Though, if you want to stay on good terms with your roommate, it might be a good idea to invest in your own vibrating toothbrush — or at least don’t tell them what their toothbrush gets up to in the middle of the night. ^_~

Interview with Rubberella

I had a chance to interview Rubberella near the dungeon area of the Everything to Do with Sex show a couple of weeks ago.

The dungeon area of the sex show was not very big; it was off to the side and mostly curtained off in black with a sign informing us that photography was prohibited in this area.

Inside, we saw a variety of floggers, ropes and other bondage equipment. We even caught a glimpse of a woman being tied up in an elaborate rope corset

I first spotted Rubberella on The Dungeon Stage (where photography was permitted with permission) giving a demonstration about the joys of wearing latex.

Rubberella is a fetish model who enjoys wearing latex outfits, like her cat-suit and torpedo boob suit. She describes her sexy skin-tight costumes as "a bit Sci-Fi and a bit sexual". And not only does she wear latex costumes, but she also has "regular-looking" clothes made out of latex, like the one she was wearing to The Sex show.

To get into her tight latex outfits, Rubberella has to lube up her body with water or silicone based lubricant and then rubs another type of coating on the outside to keep her latex looking shiny and to keep it from sticking.

Stats:
Birthdate: 7-1-1970
Eye color: Blue
Shoe Size:9.5
Piercing: nose, upper gum, belly button and genitals
Height: 5 feet 10 inches
Weight: 130
Measurements: 34 26 36 inches

Because her site has some pretty intense photos, Rubberella was actually the person I was most nervous about interviewing that day. I decided to volunteer to try on a pair of latex gloves during her latex demonstration (Latex: Beyond The Condom), to get to know her a bit casually before I tried to interview her and so that I could see how it feels to wear a little latex.

After dutifully rubbing the lube all over my hands and slipping on the gloves I could totally understand why Rubberella loves wearing latex so much -— it felt really slippery and sexy and fun!

Having a tiny taste of her lifestyle made me feel much more ready to meet her at her booth for an interview.

Me: What is it like wearing full latex outfits all day?

Rubberella: It's very sensual; the latex is tight and I love how it feels squeezing my body. I also find that the latex heightens sensations, so rubbing even just your hands together when you are wearing latex gloves feels much sexier than without. But it is also very hot wearing whole outfits made out of latex; I'm pretty much sweating lightly the whole time.

[At this point she rolled up her sleeve to show me, and I could see the sheen of sweat on her forearm.]

Me: What do you look forward to after doing a long photo-shoot or a show like this?

Rubberella: (Laughs) A nice long, hot bath.

Me: You wear a lot of different costumes for your photo-shoots, which one is your favourite?

Rubberella: My torpedo boob costume; I use condoms inflated with air to create incredibly huge breasts to wear under the bodysuit. It's part of that character and makes me feel even more like a super-heroine. It is a very fun costume to wear!

Me: Do you find that you bump into a lot of things when you wear that costume?

Rubberella: Yes! It's hard to get used to suddenly have gigantic breasts, so I do sometimes bump into things when I am backstage.

Me: Would you consider yourself a Domme or a Switch?

Rubberella: A switch.

Me: Who make better "victims", men or women?

Rubberella: I prefer women because we seem to enjoy latex play more; women are more sensual. I also prefer to use women models in my photo-shoots because I am more attracted to women.

Me: You have tattoos of two angels on your back, do these mean anything special for you?

Rubberella: I got those two after going through a difficult time in my life - they represent guardian angels who take care of me.

Me: How did you first get into experimenting with breath play?

Rubberella: It was introduced to me by other Doms. I was attracted to breath play because of the trust required by the sub - it takes a lot to trust someone enough to let them control your breathing and that trust is very sexy to me.

Me: Back to the latex - How often do you find yourself wearing it?

Rubberella: When I first got into it, I used to wear at least one piece of latex at all times, even if it was just a latex bra or panties under my clothes. But now that I am wearing it all the time for work, I tend not to wear it as often during my "off hours".

Me: That's all the questions I have, thank you very much for your time.

Rubberella: You're very welcome!

Although she was the person I was most nervous about interviewing before I got to The Sex Show, Rubberella turned out to be my favourite interview of the day! She was very nice and seemed like a very cool and intelligent person. Thank you again to "Rubberella" for taking to time to give me such a great interview and for posing for pictures with me.

Sugasm #53

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hair Expectations Raise Prickly Questions

Pubic hair grooming seems to be quite a tricky issue for a lot of people. Last semester I gave you some tips for grooming your groin and since then I’ve received many questions about grooming etiquette.

One reader wondered how to broach the subject of shaving with their partner of about one year, who used to practice shaving but now lets things grow wild. This is a tricky situation indeed — depending on your partner and your relationship.

For some couples, it isn’t a problem if one partner wants to try something new or wants their partner to do something different; they can ask without worry because they know that their partner will not be offended.

But it sounds like this reader might be worried about his partner’s ability to handle (or perhaps even recognize) constructive criticism or suggestions about their appearance.

Some of us can get a little sensitive about our appearance — as if our partner asking for a change means that there is something wrong with us or that we have failed in some way. Of course, this is silly.

A good way to bring up this topic is delicately. You need to let your partner know that you still think they are sexy but that you wish they’d start shaving/waxing again because it was a nice treat.

Contrary to what some people might say, I don’t think it's wrong to want them to groom again. It’s just pubic hair — people don’t usually flip out if you tell them that you liked how their hair was cut last year or that you think they would look better with longer or shorter hair. In fact, it’s not that different from asking your girlfriend if she would start wearing lacy lingerie more often.

There are a few different ways to approach this issue with a partner:

“Hunny, how come you don’t trim your fur anymore? I really liked how it looked — it was really hot!”

You could also try: “Hey sweetie, look at this picture I found online/in my e-mail from [insert crazy friend’s name here].” Yours looked like this when we first started dating — man, that was so awesome!” This is known as the “hint, hint” approach.

Another approach could be to groom yourself — your partner might notice the change and be inspired to follow your example or they might ask you about it and you can respond with, “I was thinking about how much I liked it when you used to shave/wax and decided to do a little grooming myself for you.”

You could even give your partner a gift certificate for a bikini or Brazilian wax as a gift.

It’s not wrong to ask your partner to try something different or to bring back an old favourite — but it wouldn’t be right to pressure them or make them feel guilty.

Maybe they’ve started taking you for granted and being reminded about how hot you think they look a certain way might remind them of how hot you both are for each other.

Some people have equated pubic grooming (shaving, waxing, etc) to labial and other genital cosmetic surgery, but that’s like equating a new haircut with a facelift or nose job! It’s just hair — being two or three feet lower on your body shouldn’t make it taboo.

Another nice thing about it just being hair is that it grows back. You can trim or wax or shave it any way you like and when it grows back you can try something different or let it go wild.

But if you are going to let it go wild, please keep in mind a lover who might want to go down on you without having to bring along a comb.

Another reader wrote in with a question about new partners' expectations for grooming; are they going to expect pornstar-bare or is a nice trim good enough?

Personally, I think that trimming or shaving one’s pubic hair should be about personal comfort. But when you’re looking around for examples of what other people do and what potential lovers might expect, I can see how things can get a little hairy.

In mainstream porn, it’s true that the majority of women seem to be either totally shaved or only have a tiny landing strip, but porn stars keep themselves groomed like this for two main reasons.

One reason is that they are being paid to have sex and the people paying them to have sex want to be able to see everything. Hair is removed so that the viewer can see exactly what’s going on, which is sometimes just a lot of red bumps from ingrown hairs.

The other reason is that the makers of porn are trying to cater to what they think the average viewer wants and apparently they think that the average viewer wants to see their porn people clean-shaven.

Which now raises the question, if these “average viewers” do want this, how many now only want it because that’s what they’ve always seen in porn? And this leads into my reader's question — if your future lover has been watching a lot of porn, are they going to be expecting you to be clean shaven as well?

But you know what; I suspect not, they are just going to be happy to be allowed to see that part of you. A new lover certainly won't be showing you to the door just because you don't have the right haircut in your pants - but it is a good idea to keep things neat so that they do let you through that door again.

Trimming will be just fine for keeping things looking neat and for making sure that you don’t have any hair getting in the way of your activities when you do reach the right time for your first serious sexual encounter.

Shaving might be something you decide to do once in a while as a treat or it might be something that you later decide to do regularly — but there’s no need to worry that someone is going to be disappointed when they get in your pants, because they certainly won’t be, no matter what your hairstyle is.

Interview With Nikki Benz

Nikki Benz was at the Everything to do with Sex show with Screaming O Cock Ring people; signing autographs and talking about the sex toys on stage.

Nikki is a Toronto native who now lives in Arizona. She started out modeling bikinis and participating in beauty pageants and at age 18, got into exotic dancing. She enjoyed exotic dancing and is still very successful in this field, but wanted more. Just before she turned 21, Nikki contacted a director in the adult film industry and was cast for roles in "Strap-on-Sally 20" and "Strap-on-Sally 21". Since then, Nikki has appeared in over 40 adult films and has even directed one (according to her site and imbd). She has also been photographed for many popular adult magazines (like Hustler and Club) and mainstream magazines like Maxim and Stuff. She has held contracts with Pleasure Productions, Jill Kelly Productions, and Teravision. Currently Nikki does a radio show with three other women called "Contract Superstars" on KSex radio.

Stats:
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 110 lbs
Measurements: 36D-24-36
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Hazel
Shoe Size: 7
Birthday: December 11
{Interesting fact: I am one week older than Nikki - crazy!}

Nikki was my first interview of the day and my first interview with a porn star - I don't mind telling you that I was a little nervous! Luckily Nikki was super sweet about giving me an interview and even came out of the booth to take a photo with me! I don't know how she does it, but she has this magical way of posing - it's like you're talking to her and she's normal, then you go to take her picture and she poses - it's like *bam* - instant glam!

Here is the gist of how my interview with her went, enjoy:

Me: Nikki, on your myspace webpage you talk about how you enjoy having sex in exotic places, what's the most exotic place that you've ever had sex?

Nikki Benz: I would have to say in the Caribbean: Aruba and especially the Panama Canal, on a cruise-ship.

[ed. note: what a coincidence, the Caribbean is the most exotic place I've ever had sex too!]

Me: I know you're currenly doing a radio show on KSex, how did you get into radio?

Nikki Benz: I started off doing guest spots and eventually was asked about doing my own radio show with a few other girls. I really love doing a radio program because it gives my fans another way to enjoy and get in touch with me.

Me: You've done so many films, which are your favourites?

Nikki Benz: Is it alright if I name three?

Me: sure

Nikki Benz: My three favourite films that I have been in are: The Nikki Benz Show, Take No Prisoners, and Test Drive.

Me: Do you find that it is easier to work with men or women?

Nikki Benz: It really depends on the person and the chemistry that we have together. I've had great experiences with both men and women in my films.

Me: How do you feel about condom use in pornography?

Nikki Benz: I find that it is easier to do a scene without using condoms, it also looks better on camera. But on our radio show we always promote safe sex for people who are having sex in the "real world". In the porn industry we have very stringent testing so it is not as dangerous for us to not use condoms in our sex scenes.

Me: What kind of crazy things happen on set when you are filming?

Nikki Benz: Oh! It's so hard to come up with one on the spot like this! I guess one crazy thing that has happened was when this one guy "finished" before he was supposed to in a scene. When this happens we have to wait around for a while to see if he can be ready to perform again quickly or the studio will have to call in a back-up guy to take his place. It can get expensive for the studio when this happens.

Me: Oh wow! Does that happen very often?

Nikki Benz: Hmm no not that often - in the fours years I've been working I've only seen it happen twice.

Me: That's all the questions I have for now, thank you so much for your time Nikki!

Nikki Benz: You're welcome!

So there you go folks - even porn guys can't always hold back when they are with the fabulous Nikki Benz. ^_^ Thank you again to Nikki for being so fantastic and giving me such a lovely interview (and an autographed photo).

The Everything To Do With Sex Show

This past weekend I had the pleasure of playing intrepid reporter at the Everything To Do With Sex show in Toronto and I must say that it was quite an adventure. The Automotive Centre, where the Sex show is held, was packed with booths selling everything and anything remotely related to sex: sex toys, porn, floggers, costumes, bondage bed-sheets, instructional videos, rope, even "romantic get-away" trips like to Hedonism in Jamaica .

The building was also pretty full of people — but I knew that I couldn't let myself get distracted by the multitudes of women with T & A hanging out, nor by the men who had their tops and bottoms open, if not off.

There was plenty there to distract the average person; besides the paid scantily clad models and booths overflowing with various sex related goodies, around practically every corner was a television screen showing hardcore pornography. In fact, the Roger's booth had about seven screens all showing a different pornographic scene. Mysteriously, we kept finding ourselves standing in front of this booth to re-group, and somehow I ended up switching my home phone to Rogers. To quote my cameraman, "Whoa! I've never seen so many blow jobs going on at once!"

But as I said, I couldn't allow myself to get too distracted by all the goodies; I was a reporter on a mission. I knew that a handful of adult celebrities were going to be at the sex show and I had researched each of them in the hopes that I would have the chance to do a few brief interviews.

My first target was Nikki Benz, a Toronto native who now lives in Arizona. After a successful career as an exotic dancer, Nikki got into the adult film industry at age 21. Since then she has been in over 40 adult films and has appeared in photo spreads for a number of adult and mainstream magazines, like Hustler and Maxim.

I caught Nikki at the sex show signing autographs in the "Screaming O' Cock Ring" booth; she was happy to answer a few questions and even took a photo with me. Here are some highlights from that interview:

Imprint: I know you're currently doing a radio show on KSex. How did you first get into radio?

Nikki Benz: I started off doing guest spots and eventually was asked about doing my own radio show. I really love doing my radio program because it gives my fans another way to enjoy and get in touch with me.

How do you feel about condom use in pornography?

I find that it is easier to do a scene without using condoms. It also looks better on camera. But on our radio show we always promote safe sex for people who are having sex in the "real world." In the porn industry, we have very stringent testing so it is not as dangerous for us to not use condoms in our sex scenes.

What kind of crazy things happen on set when you are filming?

Oh! It's so hard to come up with one on the spot like this! I guess one crazy thing that has happened was when this one guy "finished" before he was supposed to in a scene. When this happens we have to wait around for a while to see if he can be ready to perform again quickly or the studio will have to call in a back-up guy to take his place. It can get expensive for the studio when this happens.

After my interview with Nikki, I thanked her for her time and let her get back to her line of drooling autograph hounds. It was time for me to get over to the dungeon area and track down my next interview, Rubberella (her stage name).

The dungeon area of the sex show was not very big; it was off to the side and mostly curtained off in black with a sign informing us that photography was prohibited in this area.

Inside, we saw a variety of floggers, ropes and other bondage equipment. We even caught a glimpse of a woman being tied up in an elaborate rope corset.

I first spotted Rubberella on The Dungeon Stage (where photography was permitted with permission) giving a demonstration about the joys of wearing latex.

Rubberella is a fetish model who enjoys wearing latex outfits, like her cat-suit and torpedo boob suit. Because her site has some pretty intense photos, Rubberella was actually the person I was most nervous about interviewing that day, but she was very sweet in person. I hopped up on stage to try on some tight black latex gloves and see how they felt.

To get into her tight latex outfits, Rubberella has to lube up her body with water or silicone based lubricant and then rubs another type of coating on the outside to keep her latex looking shiny and to keep it from sticking.

After dutifully rubbing the lube on my hands and slipping on the gloves I could see why Rubberella loves wearing latex so much — it was pretty fun! I then felt ready to meet her at her booth for an interview.

Imprint: What is it like wearing latex all day?

Rubberella: It's very sensual; the latex is tight and I love how it feels squeezing my body. I also find that the latex heightens sensations, so rubbing even just your hands together when you are wearing latex gloves feels much sexier than without. But it is also very hot wearing whole outfits made out of latex; I'm pretty much sweating lightly the whole time.

What do you look forward to after a long photo-shoot or a show like this?

(Laughs) A nice long hot bath.

You wear a lot of different costumes for your photo-shoots, which one is your favourite?

My torpedo boob costume; I use condoms inflated with air to create incredibly huge breasts to wear under this bodysuit. It's part of the character and makes me feel even more like a super-heroine. It is a very fun costume to wear.

Do you find that you bump into a lot of things when you wear that costume?

Yes! It's hard to get used to suddenly having gigantic breasts, so I do sometimes bump into things when I am backstage.

As you can see/read, there certainly was a lot to see at this year’s The Everything to Do with Sex Show. I managed to snag two more interviews that day, as well as attending a seminar on how to strip, Undress for Success, led by Mary Taylor. I also saw a woman have a mould made of her nude upper body, watched some pole dancers defy gravity, and clapped along with the audience to vote for my favourite couple in a blow-job competition (using plastic dildos). And before I headed for home, I even managed to go for a ride in a very comfortable sex swing. All in all, it was a very full day.

For full interviews, keep watching this blog!

Tickling Tentacles

Many people consider tentacle hentai to be one of the most bizarre forms of hentai/ecchi out there. And some people think that's what all hentai is!

But there does seem to be something about tentacle sex that some people do love and that motivates them to see every episode of cult classics like "La Blue Girl" and Injukoshi."

It may surprise you to learn that tentacle porn is not a new thing — it's been around at least since the Edo Period in Japan (1603 to 1867).

Around this time, Katsushika Hokusai, a famous Japanese artist (trust me, you've seen his work), made a woodcut called The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife. " This celebrated piece depicting a woman making out with a small octopus while a bigger one gives her oral sex might seem scary to many Westerners but it is so well loved that in Japan you can buy key chains and other trinkets featuring this image.

There are many factors that led to the production and popularization of tentacle porn in Japan.

Firstly, the Edo period saw an increase in the number of people practising the Shinto religion — Japan's national religion at one point. Shinto is a very friendly religion, involving the worshipping of many gods and spirits connected to nature ", gods and spirits who sometimes had sex with humans in animal or semi-animal form.

A second big factor was the popularity of shunga art, shunga means "pictures of spring" - which is a euphemism for pictures of sex. Hokusai's The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife and his other erotic art were and are still considered beautiful examples of shunga work, though tentacle sex was not destined to be wildly popular until many decades later."

It wasn't until after World War II that tentacle porn resurfaced and soon became extremely popular in Japan. The occupying forces put laws in place banning the representation of genitalia in sex acts. This put a damper on the erotic art being produced at this time — how were people supposed to draw graphic sex acts when they couldn't include any pictures of vaginas or penises?"

If artists couldn't legally draw a penis in their work, what could they possibly use to simulate sex acts? Let's see here, they would need something long and firm and... phallic - hmm, what do we know of that's pretty darn phallic? Hey! How about a tentacle?

That's right, a tentacle — the tentacle could deflower young, horny women and if anyone asked, the artists could safely assert that the tentacle wasn't genitalia, it was just a monster limb that happens to look phallic."

And so tentacle sex took off for the most part because it was the only kind of sex people were allowed to see at the time. Penises were not allowed to be seen in vaginas (or asses or mouths) but the tentacle had free reign. *evil laugh*

Today, even though we now have fairly easy access to "regular"� hentai and porn, many people still enjoy and even prefer images of tentacle sex.

For some it's the power play — the dominant tentacle beast taking the young woman or man and having their way with them.

For others it's the bondage — when you have sex with a tentacled beast, they have enough limbs to hold your arms and legs in any position they want and still penetrate you in every orifice.

For others, it's the multiple penetrations they enjoy. Because of the nature of tentacles, their "victim's" body can be further away. The penetrated characters — what I like to call "fuckees" - can be depicted in ways that would be impossible if the artist had to draw bodies to go with every penetrating tool; thus, there can be more penetrating tentacles than there ever could have been penises.

And for many it's a little of all three of these reasons.

Men and women can look at tentacle sex and see it as symbolic of satisfying and being satisfied by a lover in every possible way and all at once.

In fact, a lot of women do enjoy tentacle hentai because it is a way to indulge in rape fantasies, bondage fantasies, power play fantasies and/or multiple penetration fantasies while staying completely safe — since none of it is or ever can be real.

Yaoi and Yuri H anime

The world of anime and H anime fans is rich and diverse, with many subcultures and niches. Two such subcultures are Yaoi and Yuri.

Yaoi (pronounced "yah-oy" or "yah-oh-ee") is not a real Japanese word, it is "otaku", slang created by anime fans. It refers to manga and hentai that feature men in romantic relationships. This is similar to shōnen-ai and BL (boy love), which also deal with romantic relationships between (young) men, but with one major difference " Yaoi is sexually explicit.

One thing that might surprise you about Yaoi hentai is that is generally created for women. The art is drawn by women, the plot lines are written by women and the target market is women who find sex between two male characters erotic/romantic - similar to the many men who are turned on by lesbians. But despite its female-centred production, Yaoi has generated quite a following among gay men as well.

The relationships in Yaoi, interestingly, tend to repeat the same clichés seen in hetero relationships " but using two men instead. In most of the couples, there is usually a designated "feminized" male called an "uke" (or receiver/bottom) who is often shorter, weaker and/or younger than his partner and a "seme" (or attacker/top), who tends to be bigger and have darker hair. Often, many traditional female stereotypes will be applied to the male uke, such as reluctance, shyness, "romanticness," etc.

Some Yaoi artists like to play on these cultural stereotypes, moving toward characters that are more interchangeable or using characters with reversed stereotyped personalities.

There has even been a trend towards making "muscle yaoi," where both male characters are strong and muscular, with less feminine character traits.

Similar to the Yaoi genre is "Yuri ", manga and H anime with stories of lesbian relationships.

Actually, two words are used to describe anime/hentai with female-female romantic relationships: Yuri usually is used when referring to more explicit sex between two women (that is, lesbian porn) and the term shōjo-ai is typically used to refer to non-sexual (but still romantic) relationships between two female characters.

Similar to the term Yaoi, Yuri is also considered an "otaku" term " Japanese lesbians do not actually refer to themselves using the terms yuri or shōjo-ai.

The word Yuri is Japanese for Lily. Often noted as the first to use of the term "Yuri" to refer to lesbian relationships is Ito Bongaku, the editor of "Barazok," a gay men's magazine, who, in 1971, called lesbians in Japan "the lily tribe", yurizoku.

Some suspect that the term Yuri became commonly used for this style of hentai partly borrowing from Ito's "lily tribe" as a cliché and partly as a reference to the ideals of women being beautiful, pure, innocent, etc., which is symbolically associated with a white lily.

In fact, Yuri plots often do start out quite innocently, typically with two girls who were originally presented as straight or inexperienced, who are then are inexplicably drawn to one another and "get it on."

As with Yaoi, many people enjoy Yuri's twist of stereotypical gender roles, though often there is still a more dominant partner and a more submissive partner (just like in hetero hentai).

Typically, couples will consist of an upperclassman, the "senpai" and a less experienced lowerclassman, the "kouhai."

One famous Yuri couple that you might be familiar with are two characters from the series Sailor Moon: Sailor Uranus, who had short blond hair and wore a boy's uniform, had a lesbian relationship with Sailor Neptune, who was shorter with long aqua hair.

Even within Yuri there are sub divisions: we have "shonen yuri," created by men for a male audience, which tends to feature more explicit sex and less romantic plot lines; there is "shoujo yuri," created by women for a female audience, which often has less sex but more emphasis on relationships; and finally, what some call "pure" yuri, which is written by lesbians for a lesbian audience.

No matter the gender of the author, artist or reader, Yuri and Yaoi H anime is important because it provides options, demonstrates different lifestyles and contributes to breaking boundaries and changing how people view relationships in hentai and in the real world.

The Evolution of The Cat-Girl

It’s a known fact that anime artists generally like cats, so the inception of the cat-girl is no surprise, but the nature of cats surely plays a role as well. Cats have many important qualities that make them perfect for being combined with young women in hentai and anime.

There is something luxurious and sensual about cats, how they carefully clean their lithe bodies, strut around a home, and seem to look somehow mysterious. But cats are also cute and playful — getting into trouble, seeking pleasure and fun; and their perky ears and frisky tails are just too darn cute. Please excuse me, I’m having a cat moment. ^_~

Historically, cats have frequently been connected with women. In ancient Egypt, cats were linked with fertility and were considered the embodiment of the goddess Bastet. The Romans and Norse people picked up on this idea and cats were connected with their fertility goddesses as well (Artemis and Freya).

Fertility and sex were strongly associated with women because even what we might now consider our primitive ancestors, were able to recognise that having sex with a fertile woman led to babies — which was very important for cultivating the land, building civilizations and massing armies. This made women, with their sexuality and almost mystical fertility, important and valuable to these societies.

When Christianity started spreading across Europe, the cat (and women) maintained this association with sex, sensuality and fertility, but in a less positive light. This was a time when women were considered to be the weaker and sinful sex. The lustful mating behaviour and previous pagan associations made the cat an ideal symbol of Eve — who was now considered to be the first “sinful” woman.

For centuries, cats were used in European artwork to imply carnality, sensuality and temptation.

And, because of its association with sensuality and sex, the cat became the symbol of prostitution and courtesans in the 15th century.

Men in this era talked about chasing “cats tail” — this is where terms like “tail” and “pussy” (as applied to women and their genitalia) originated.

Even today, we still use terms like “sex kitten” in a play on the sensuality associated with both women and cats.

Cats were not just popular in ancient Europe, many other countries and cultures have prized the cat for thousands of years — and since they missed out on the European “re-education” of dark/middle ages, their cats (and women) did not tend to pick up any demonic associations.

In Japan cats were a favourite pet of the nobility and were connected with luck and good omens — today there is still a Buddhist temple in Japan dedicated to cats. In addition, many homes and businesses, even in North America, still display Maneki Neko statues of a cat with a raised paw, who welcomes good luck and fortune.

So, back to cat-girls and hentai.

A cat girl is essentially a girl/woman with cat ears. Sometimes they have a cat’s tail and/or whiskers. Cat-girls who want to look particularly cute will also wear big gloves and shoes or slippers that look like cat paws — but they do not usually have any fur on their bodies, aside from the ears and tail.

Because the main requirement to be a cat-girl is the ears, they are often called Nekomimi, which means “cat ears.”

Why do we like cat girls? In anime and especially in hentai, cat-girls are naughty, playful, and horny — what’s not to love? Maybe it’s because cats have been associated with women and sex and sensuality for so long that the cat-girl just seems to fit with our perceptions of playful sexuality. The cat-girl could be the personification of the sensual hedonist that lies inside every woman.

Oh! And there is also the suspicious similarity between semen and a saucer of cream. ^_~

Cartoon Copulation: H anime/Hentai

I’ve decided to declare October the official Hentai month for my column. When I mentioned this idea to some of my friends, half of them said “what’s that?” and the other half explained to the first half that it was “cartoon porn.”

Technically, I suppose that is an accurate description, but I think that the often beautiful art and culture of hentai deserve a more detailed explanation.

Hentai is pronounced “hen-tie.” It’s a Japanese word that literally means “strange appearance” though it is often colloquially defined as the Japanese translation for “perversion,” which doesn’t necessarily have negative connotations.

In North America, “hentai” usually refers to sexually-explicit or adult-themed anime, manga and computer games. But in Japan, this pornographic material is referred to with terms like “ecchi” or “H anime” (sexual/pornographic anime), “eroanime” (derived from erotic anime), or “seijin manga” (adult manga) — and a person might be referred to as “hentai” (perverted).

[For those not in the know, Anime is a certain style of animation that originated in Japan and features characters with big eyes and hairstyles that often defy gravity. Anime is extremely popular all over the world and there are different types of anime for different age groups.]

Erotic drawings and art have been around for centuries; in Japan they became widely popular in the Edo period. At this time, it was common for men to travel to the city and learn valuable skills before returning to their hometown to get married.

Controlled, legalised prostitution and pornographic art were introduced to fulfill the sexual needs of these men while they were away from home.

Even famous artists like Hokusai — whose work you would have seen at the poster sale — were supplementing their income by creating beautiful erotic woodcuts called shunga, which were hung in the houses of noblemen, turned into educational “pillow” books for newlyweds, or printed with a few descriptive sentences and used as a masturbatory aid.

Some people are confused by the attraction of hentai, “why would you want to look at cartoons having sex instead of real people?” There are different reasons why someone might enjoy H anime.

For some, it is the love of anime; they might have favourite characters from series that they watch, such as Asuka and Rei, from the popular series “Evangelion.”

Finding erotic drawings of the characters is just another way to enjoy and appreciate them on another level. Imagine if you could easily find erotic photos of your favourite live action crush from TV — that’s the fun for anime fans: no matter what series or video game you enjoy, it’s likely that you can find erotic drawings featuring your favourite characters.

For others it is the perfection of the human body and the sex act portrayed in the H anime. While researching this article online, I found an essay on catsonmars.com explainning that it’s “unlike real life sex that may be tainted by uncertainty or hesitation, there’s no bad sex in anime. Emotions are always at their most pure and unfettered in anime.”

You can also find any type of “coupling” — and I use the term loosely here — that you could possibly want: male-female, male-male (which is extremely popular with readers from both sexes), female-female, male-elf, female-demon, female-male-elf-catgirl-male-demon-female, etc., as well as any scenario you could possibly imagine!

H anime is about expressing a fantasy; whether it is sex acts that might run counter to social norms or acts that are humanly or physically impossible. It’s all about expressing carnal desires and giving in to your subconscious, primal motivations.

That’s why it’s not uncommon in H anime to see a woman being coerced into sex, but later taking the lead.

Many artists enjoy playing with their viewers’ socialised role expectations by creating characters who defy expected norms — like a blushing and innocent-looking librarian who actually runs a demon sex shop out of her basement; or a hunky man who is actually afraid of women.

Hentai isn’t sick or weird; it’s just another portrayal of the sex act, which is intrinsically beautiful. And whether you choose to enjoy your sex with a partner, with actors on a video or with pictures or videos of your favourite anime characters; as long as everyone involved is enjoying themselves, it’s all good.

Love Your Penis

Every so often I receive interesting questions from my readers like “Does evidence exist of high rates of masturbation by males increasing penis size?”

Ah, if only it were true. You fellas would be running off to get your lotion and tissues right now ^_~ — but a lot of masturbation does not really increase penis size.

Although the penis has muscles, they don’t work in the same way as the muscles in, for example, your arm where exercise does increase the size of the muscle. The most important muscles in the penis are in two groups.

One group relaxes to let more blood into the erectile tissue. The corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum make up the three sections of spongy erectile tissue that run the length of the penis (corpus cavernosom is also found in the female clitoris).

The two corpus cavernosum sections extend from the pubic bone to the head of the penis and they hold about ninety per cent of the blood in your erection, increasing the length and girth of your penis. The corpus spongiosum surrounds the urethra, preventing it from being crushed during erection and forms the glans or head of the penis. The penis head stays more malleable during an erection because blood drains from the corpus spongiosum more easily than the tissue in the shaft.

The second of the two groups of muscles contract to help keep the blood inside the erectile tissue of the penis. One of them is the ischiocavernosus muscle. This muscle also helps flex your anus and stabilizes your erection — in women it tenses the vagina, this is part of what women are working when they do Kegel exercises.

There isn’t really anything in the penis that can be “exercised” to increase its size. Supposedly you can increase the size of your penis by using a penis pump to extend the spongy tissue inside, but there hasn’t been any hard evidence to back this claim up. Tugging on your penis or hanging weights from it to try to make it longer is much more likely to result in hurting yourself and permanently damaging the tissue. You only have one penis, so please take care of it!

A lot of men worry about their penis size. You know who rarely worries about penis size? Women. You know why? Because we know that even guys with smaller-than-average equipment can still rock our worlds if they know what they are doing.

People always talk about how the media makes women feel inadequate and damages our self-esteem. But men are often neglected in these discussions and they can be victims of media, too.

Porn and spam mail are two of the biggest culprits for lowering men’s self esteem. Sure, guys in porn often have ugly hair and sometimes have ugly bodies, but what do they usually have? They have a penis that is, or appears to be, larger than average. Not only do they seem well endowed, but their partners seem to enjoy it! And if that’s what it takes to satisfy a woman (or man, or both), how can any “average” fellow hope to measure up?

The guys with long shlongs who end up in the porn industry are there for a reason. This is the concept of “over-representation” at work — because you’ve seen so much porn with guys who have big penises, you imagine that everyone must have one, except you. But this isn’t true! It’s called average for a reason; if you really are of average penis size then most guys have penises around the same size as yours or smaller! You shouldn’t worry about those in the porn industry.

Unfortunately, to add to the worries you might have acquired after years of viewing porn, spam mailers seem to have picked up on how common it is for men to worry about their penis size.

It doesn’t matter how often you might complain about the “increase your penis size” and “big willy 4U” e-mails filling up your junk mail folder — some of these messages seep into your subconscious (or conscious) mind and feed your own willy worries.

As an interesting side note, although many people like to look at huge penises, not many women actually enjoy one inside of them — there’s only so much space inside the average vagina. The average vagina is built for the average penis.

I think it’s reprehensible that spam mailers feed on this weakness that men have and try to convince them to try whatever herbal supplement they are hawking. By the way, don’t bother with the “miracle products” you hear about in your spam — they don’t work. If herbal supplements did increase you penis size, it would be all over the news and we would all know about it.

Like I said above, you only have one penis so take care of it and don't worry about what other guys might be "packin".

Keeping yourself clean is easier than you think

I recently received an e-mail from a reader asking if douches are a good idea to use after sex. A douche is a way of cleaning the inside of the vagina by squirting water and other fluids like vinegar or antiseptics inside to flush it out. You can find douche kits in pharmacies and many grocery stores, but really how useful are they? And should people be using them at all?

Douching has been practised for centuries; it reportedly goes back to the time of Hippocrates, when people didn’t know a whole lot about female anatomy and there weren’t many medications or antibiotics available.

Douching was done only when it was absolutely necessary to clean out the vaginal cavity. But for some reason, douching ended up becoming a fairly common practice among many groups of women.

Today about 37 per cent of women in the U.S. douche and half of these do so at least once a week.

Women use douches for various reasons. To wash away menstrual blood, to reduce perceived vaginal odours, to “feel clean” and some even use it after sex as birth control and to avoid catching an STI (sexually transmitted infection); however, a douche is not an effective contraceptive and will not protect you from infection.

Studies show that women who douche actually end up with more health problems than women who do not. For example, women who douche have greater than 73 per cent chance of getting PID, pelvic inflammatory disease, a bacterial infection in the reproductive organs.

PID can lead to infertility, problems during pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancies (where the baby starts growing in the fallopian tubes). Women who douche once a week are 83 per cent more likely to contract cervical cancer.

Women who douche regularly are also more likely to suffer vaginal irritations, bacterial infections, and are actually more at risk for catching STI’s.

In addition, using a douche after sex is actually more likely to push semen into the uterus, increasing your chances of pregnancy — so much for using it as birth control.

A douche also won’t “cure” vaginal odours, if anything it might only mask them temporarily.

A healthy vagina should have a slight musky odour — it shouldn’t smell like flowers or rain!

But if you do think that something is wrong with your smell, or if it smells fishy or pasty then you should go see your doctor.

Doctors and nurses today advise against the use of a douche, though very rarely your doctor might prescribe it to treat certain conditions.

Your vagina has a lot of important processes going on inside of it. There are friendly bacteria living in your vagina; these bacteria are very important and protect your vagina from other infections. It gives off a natural form of hydrogen peroxide, which keeps the pH of the vagina more acidic, in turn guarding you from the invasion of other, more destructive bacteria.

The friendly bacteria in your vagina also keep the yeast cells in your vagina under control. If the bacteria dies off (which can easily happen) the yeast cells can start to multiply, giving you a yeast infection.

Douching can also abrade the delicate tissue of your vagina, causing irritations and making it easier for things like infectious bacteria and STIs to get inside your bloodstream.

Your vagina doesn’t need a douche to keep itself clean; it does just fine on its own. It is constantly producing mucus and this mucus lining is constantly moving — your vagina is like an glacier. All day and night the mucus lining of your vagina slowly flows towards the outside, pulling with it anything else that might be inside: dead cells, semen, blood, and other tiny particles that may have gotten inside.

So in answer to my reader’s question: no, you should not be using a douche after sex or under any circumstance, unless your doctor prescribes it. Just let your vagina do its own thing and grab a box of tissues or a warm washcloth for cleaning up externally after sex.

Frosh Week Sex Questions

Dear Shay: Are "Blue Balls" for Real?

The Term "blue balls" refers to a vasocongestion in the testicles or vulva and is often used as an excuse to pressure a partner into having sex. However, although most people don't actually turn blue, some really do feel some pain or discomfort after sexual arousal or stimulation because blood has rushed into the testicles and penis or the vulva and has become trapped; causing an increase in pressure that can be uncomfortable.

But the person suffering from "blue balls" (or "blue vulva") doesn't need to have sex to alleviate the pressure. They can also just wait for the fluid to drain by itself or they can masturbate to orgasm. If you find yourself or your partner afflicted with this "condition" and no sexual release is available you could also try a cold compress (like a can of beer or pop) on the area.

Dear Shay: Is it true that you can tell how long a guy's penis is by looking at his hands and feet?
There is actually no scientific proof to back up this popular myth. A guy with small hands and feet is just as likely to be well endowed as the professional basketball players out there who wear size 35 shoes.

Dear Shay: What can I do to avoid condom breakage?

Now this is a situation where size really does matter; it’s very important to make sure that you have the right size condom. A condom that fits too tightly is more likely to break and a condom that is too big could slip off!

Also stay far away from any petroleum based lubricants. Besides causing all sorts of problems for a female partner, petroleum based lubricants also have a nasty habit of making a latex condom fall apart. But, do make sure that you use a lot of water based lube, especially in orifices that don’t produce their own lubrication, like the anus, this will be more comfortable and will also help keep the condom from breaking.

Dear Shay. How many times in a row is it possible for a woman to have orgasms?

According to what I was able to find in my research, the most scientifically confirmed consecutive orgasms for a female is 50. This experiment was conducted under carefully controlled conditions: there were video cameras, trained observers, and even electrodes taped to various parts of the female participant's body to verify each orgasm! After she had gone through around 30 male assistants and 50 orgasms, the experimenters felt it was time to pack up since they were running out of film and it was getting late.

This feat may have been achieved through skimming. Orgasms are usually described as the peaks of waves with the troughs as recovery periods. Women who are able to achieve multiple orgasms often skim the surface of these waves, hitting multiple peaks without needing long resting periods.

Men do not usually get to experience anything like this because, once they ejaculate and start to lose their erection, their penis will often have to go through a whole phase of relaxation, rest, and re-erection before they are ready for another orgasm.

Dear Shay: Is it true that when you're drunk, you can't cum?

Well, alcohol and some drugs sure can make getting to that point difficult! Alcohol has a bad habit of numbing the nerve endings in male and female genitals, making harder to reach orgasm, and it decreases the amount of lubrication that a woman produces, which can lead to painful dry sex, again making it harder to achieve orgasm. Alcohol also has been known to decrease your desire for sex, arousal, and satisfaction.

As a side note, being drunk can also make it very hard to properly use a condom or other barriers and can compromise the effectiveness of some oral contraceptives. Keep in mind, the best kind of sex is the kind you can remember!

How should I store/carry around my condoms?

1. Not in your pants pocket and Not at the bottom of your purse.

These are both places where your precious condoms are in danger of being bent, poked, or otherwise damaged. Ideally, the best place to store your condoms is safe and dry in their box on a shelf or in a drawer. However, it is always a good idea to have a condom on your person, because you never know what might happen, especially on bar night! You can safely carry condoms in a smaller reinforced section of a bag or purse or in a jacket lining pocket. Or get condoms that come in travel safe containers.

Remember to check your condoms every once in a while to make sure the package is intact and that it hasn't expired. Always throw out condoms if they seem dry, brittle, discoloured, or smell funnier than usual.

Anal is more than just a Stage of Development

It’s a new semester, so let’s start things off with a bang — from behind!

Many people around the world enjoy anal sex and anal play. It’s become almost a staple in many types of pornography and is generating a lot of curiosity — more and more hetero couples are realizing that straight doesn’t have to mean, “exit only.”

Anal play can be very gratifying; there is a wealth of nerve endings in and around the rectum that can send your brain pleasure signals when they are stimulated. Despite this potential for delight, however, many people are still not interested in or are afraid to try anal stimulation, often due to fears of it being messy or painful.

Anal sex should not be painful as long as everything is properly lubricated and the receiver is relaxed and prepared. Many beginners do find properly lubricated anal play uncomfortable at first, but once they learn to relax, they are more able to enjoy themselves and the discomfort fades away.

As for mess, feces (poo) isn’t stored in the rectum until just before you get rid of it, so you don’t usually have to worry about that. But if you are worried, it’s a good idea to make sure that you are getting a lot of fibre in your diet, that you have gone to the bathroom recently and perhaps take a shower before you begin.

Some people also prefer to do an enema, which involves squirting fluid into your rectum and colon, just to make doubly sure that they don’t have to worry about any mess during anal sex.

However, even after taking any or all of these measures, you should still always use a condom. Having anal sex without a condom puts you at risk for a urinary tract infection, among other more serious things. Always change condoms if you want to switch from anal play to anything else and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly. Rectum bacteria don’t belong in the vagina or mouth and can cause nasty infections if they are transported there.

You also should be aware that the same rules apply for HIV and STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) with anal sex — so don’t forget that condom! There is often more friction associated with anal sex, which can abrade the skin of a penis and the partner’s rectum, which increases the risk of STI transmission.

Ideally you should also use a rubber glove for any hand-to-anal play and use a dental dam to provide a barrier during oral-anal play. You can make a dental dam out of a condom by snipping off the tip and then cutting the side before you unroll it, or you can buy flavoured barriers from many sex-toy shops. These methods will help to keep you safe from infection.

The same rules for a penis, or your fingers, also apply to your toys. Be sure to wash toys thoroughly after they’ve been used in anal play — you may even want to put a condom over your toys.

Some toys are dishwasher safe, which is excellent because the heat from the dishwasher will kill any bacteria that may have hitched a ride on your favourite dildo or plug. Glass or Pyrex toys are a smart choice for anal play because they are not porous like other material, which makes them resistant to bacteria, and they are dishwasher safe. For non-dishwasher safe toys and especially for silicone toys, you’ll definitely want to slide a condom over them before use and use a concentrated, toy approved, cleanser before you store them.

If you are experimenting with a partner, besides protecting yourselves from infection, you’ll want to protect yourselves from injury. Anal penetration requires trust between both partners; it’s important that you go very slowly and listen to your partner to make sure that they aren’t in pain. The rectal wall curves and is fairly thin, so you’ll want to be very careful with how fast you go and with the types of objects you slide inside. The same goes for solo penetration: take it slow, breathe deep, and relax — there’s no need to push yourself too far too soon.

Using plenty of lubrication is essential. Since you’re going to be safe and will be using a condom for anal sex — and/or will be concerned about protecting your nice anal toys — you’ll want to get a good water-based lubricant. Silicone-based lubricants are also safe. Though they can degrade silicone toys, they are safe to use with condoms and are a little more viscous which can be very handy for anal sex; but petroleum based lubricants, like Vaseline, will degrade latex condoms and should be avoided. Many anal lubricants also contain a light anaesthetic to dull any initial discomfort; this can help relax you and your partner but shouldn't numb you too much.

Anal play is one area where toys can be even more important and useful than usual. Since the average anus is not used to accepting something as large as a penis or large dildo, smaller toys can be essential for “warming up” and for promoting comfort and relaxation as you explore.

It’s best to start with a finger or a small plug or probe. If you are playing with a partner, pay close attention to them the whole time, making sure that they feel comfortable.

After lubing up, slowly push the plug slightly inside the anus. Do not use force — stop immediately if your partner complains of discomfort — or if you are playing alone, stop if you feel that it’s more than you can handle or if you feel pain.

If it is difficult to enter the anus, you probably need more lubrication — be liberal with it. However, you should keep in mind that anal sex may not be for everyone, and if you or your partner feels uncomfortable, stop and consider trying again another time.

You may find that a thin probe is all you need (or feel comfortable with), or you may want to try going a little thicker, maybe working your way up to something large, like a penis or big dildo or a big plug. A toy with varying widths is perfect for those who want to explore wider objects, because they start off with a smaller diameter at the tip and increase in thickness gradually — this gives you a chance to practice and allows you to ease up to wider toys. It’s also a good idea to use toys that have a flared base or some other mechanism to prevent them from getting lodged in the rectum — saving you from an embarrassing visit to the ER.

It's a good idea to try a bunch of different toys to figure out what you like best — do you prefer the fullness of a butt plug or penis, the feeling of entry and withdrawal with anal beads or the stimulation of a vibrating toy? Most importantly, respect your body. Take it slow, don’t push your limits too hard and go only as far as you feel comfortable.