So you’ve been dating for a while and things seem to be going really well. Now comes one of the trickiest parts of the relationship: making "The Move." That is, making the move towards the bedroom for the first time you have sex with a new partner.
Whether you’re a virgin or not, making "The Move" for the first time with someone can seem like a huge deal, . That's why both men and women often try to plan out “The Move” in meticulous detail, but sometimes all that worrying and planning can just end up making it that much more difficult and awkward.
When you know that you are both ready and that you both want to take your relationship further, it’s best to just let things take their natural course. You certainly don’t want to rush into things too soon.
I know it seems weird for your sex columnist to say something like that, but it’s true: when it’s the right time you both should know it and you won’t have to think about "The Move" — it will just happen.
If you’re obsessing over planning how, when and where to make "The Move," then you might not be ready. It might be a better idea to take things more slowly; you’ll want to savour each moment during each sexual and not-so-sexual experience with your partner.
When I was a young teen my dad explained to me that romantic relationships go through a series of stages: the holding hands stage, the kissing stage, the making out stage, the heavy petting stage, the sex stage, and so on
After that, he told me, there aren’t many more steps, so it's more important to make sure that you make the most of each step that you do take, instead of trying to hurry right to the next one.
But I’m sure you don’t really need my "sex-ed" type lecture.
What you’re looking for are tips for knowing when it’s time to make "The Move" and possibly how to do it.
For most people, typically the best approach with a new partner is not to say something like "so, after this let’s go upstairs for sex, okay?" At least, not until you are actually having sex together regularly and you know that they’ll find that kind of thing cute.
I’m a big fan of communication in relationships because it clears up assumptions and expectations and keeps us from screwing things up too badly.
So, you might want to simply ask your partner if they are ready to get sexually intimate with you.
Ask them "Do you feel ready to have sex with me?" “Should we have sex tonight?” “How would you feel about me fucking your brains out for the next three hours?” — something like that. Hopefully they will give you an honest answer and you can progress from there.
But there are other subtle and not so subtle ways to let a new partner know that you want to take it from making out on the couch to full-on sex in the bedroom.
Try some touching, try some unbuttoning, try some whispers "Oh, you look so hot tonight," “Oh I’m so excited,” try some slipping of hands into undergarments — pretty much try things to let your partner know how interested in sex you are and monitor their responses.
I would like to emphasize here that monitoring your partner’s responses is key. Recognising and being sensitive to when they aren’t interested or ready for the next level can make all the difference between keeping a relationship going or being charged with sexual assault.
You’re just trying to let your partner know that you’re ready, not trying to force them into anything they aren’t ready for.
If your partner pushes your hand away as you slide it up her skirt or down his pants, then they are probably not ready. If they grab your hand and guide it further towards whatever you were groping for, then they might be interested and you should try more.
But remember that "no" still means “no,” no matter how far your partner lets you take things before they say it. And keep in mind that if things do go well you may just flow smoothly into sex right there on the couch, so make sure you have condoms ready!
Or, if you really had your heart set on taking it to the bedroom, one of the best times to suggest it is when you are both trying not to fall off the couch as your making out gets more physical.
Even if your partner isn’t ready that night, all is not lost. If they are a healthy individual, they will be ready at some point — you just have to be patient. Who knows, maybe they are just waiting demurely for you to ask and if you’re lucky, they might even make "The Move" for you.
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