Fair Trade for Oral

One of the most popular questions I seem to be asked by my readers -- besides, "how big is big enough" -- is "how can I get my partner to give me more oral sex?"

Coincidentally, I was just talking about this issue with a friend of mine over lunch last week. We were remarking how "funny" it is that it always seems to be the men whose partners won't or can't give them blowjobs who seem to obsess over wanting one.

We also wondered if perhaps we don't usually hear as much from women because they might be more shy about asking for more oral sex. It's very likely that there are droves of women wandering around at this very moment, obsessing over the lack of oral sex in their lives. But I suppose that it's not uncommon for people to want so badly what they can't seem to get.

While there are many lovely reasons why one should indulge their partner, there are a lot of reasons why someone might not want to give their partner oral sex.

First, they may complain it's uncomfortable for them, or it's "too much work." To quote a popular television program, "it's called a job for a reason". For some people, when a partner asks them for oral sex, all they picture is neck strain, a sore jaw, a numb mouth, losing feeling in their arms or legs, etc. It can be pretty uncomfortable and exhausting to bring someone to orgasm with one's mouth.

But, there are ways to make giving head less work for your partner. One of the tricks is to make sure your partner gets themselves into a good position so that they don't cramp up. It also will help if they use one hand to steady themselves and one hand to steady the penis -- switching hands if one arm gets tired, or both hands to steady the hips if they are preforming on a woman. They need to be in a position where they're going to be comfortable and not going to be off balance, tense, or cutting off circulation. It can be a surprisingly delicate procedure.

Another trick to ease oral sex lock-jaw is to let your partner finish you off with their hand -- the final moments before you orgasm can be the most arduous for your partner, who is trying their best to maintain speed, friction, and/or suction. They might be more likely to give you oral more often if you let them skip the rough part at the end. A comfy head-giver is a happy head-giver and a happy head-giver is a repeat head-giver.

Another issue is gagging -- this is more something that happens with a man. Maybe you got over-excited once or twice and jammed your penis down their throat or they got over-eager and tried to take you too deep. In the end, it doesn't always matter whose fault it is, just that it happened.

Gagging can be scary, doesn't feel very good and could put someone off giving oral sex for a long time.

You can help your partner out with this problem by not jamming yourself down their throat and they can help themselves out by taking it slow when they try to take you deep and by keeping a hand at the base of your shaft to help guide and keep things in control.

Some may complain that they don't feel connected to you while they do it. Yes, I know they are technically connected to you via your genitals, but your partner might not always feel emotionally/psychologically connected to you and, for many people, that connection is very important during sex. Sex is about being close and intimate with someone else (among other things), and sometimes that connection is hard to feel when you're "up there" having fun and they are "down there" pleasuring you.

You can help your partner feel more connected to you by talking to them and making noise, let them know that you like what they're doing, say their name, tell them that they're doing a good job, and that you're getting close. Or maybe get into a position where you can touch their body too and give them a little pleasure -- maybe go for a 69!

But maybe they think they're bad at it. This could be tricky issue, or it could be easily solved by you telling them that they aren't awful, that maybe they should practise more -- like right now. If your partner really isn't very good, give them some guidance --- they would rather have you tell them to adjust their head than find out that the reason why you took half an hour to orgasm was because they were doing something that you found painful or distracting.

Perhaps the problem is that you don't reciprocate. This holds true for many things: letters, birthday gifts, oral sex, dinner invitations, e-cards, etc. Personally, I stopped giving a boyfriend back massages until he started to give me more back -- if you don't give, you can't always expect to receive.

You stink or are otherwise unpleasant in your crotch-ular region. Now I'm not talking about your regular musk, most people find that scent perfectly appetizing and arousing. Rather, I'm talking about stale crotch smell, over-powering sweaty crotch, and crazy overgrown pubes.

Often, the bulk of this problem can be solved with a shower and a little grooming -- but if you're really worried about making your crotch smell tasty, you could try using something like fenugreek herbal tea, which makes you smell like maple.

Another fun thing to try is playing with food; whipped cream, chocolate sauce, nutella, flavoured lubes, ice cream, sugar, candy, fruit -- heck anything tasty will do.

But everyone is different and any of these reasons, or others, could be why your partner doesn't always want to go down on you. While pressure does work to convince some people, for others it just makes them more stubborn. Hopefully some of my tips will help those of you who are wishing for more oral action; and those of you who are getting as much oral sex as you want, now you realise just how fortunate you are.

Goin' Bare for the Beach/Lake

The hot summer weather is here. The time of year when a young person's thoughts turn to staying cool, weekends at the lake, and hair removal. This seems like a good time to talk about the three main ways to get rid of pubic hair as painlessly as possible; shaving, waxing, and creaming.

For all of these methods, it works best if you first trim your pubic hair with scissors; it will be easier to see what you're doing and things will be less messy. You'll want the hairs to be around a quarter to half an inch long (that's 6mm to 13mm).

And remember, if you're going to leave a patch of hair for decoration or direction, try not to be too much of a perfectionist. It's easy to worry too much about making things even and end up with no hair at all.

Shaving: It's a myth that shaving makes hair grow back thicker, so don't let that stop you. But you are more likely to get ingrown hairs this way, so here are some tips for getting the best shave possible.

For guys specifically, a little trimming is usually enough to show off your length. Men often have darker and more profuse body hair so it can look odd if they shave off all of their pubic hair. That said, you still might want to shave off any of the stray hairs that are creeping up your shaft, closer to the base, and you could consider shaving your scrotum.

For these two jobs, the kind of razor you use on your face is probably good enough - especially if you use a fancy razor with more blades, you'll be less likely to cut yourself. And the most important thing is to hold the skin taut. Wrinkled skin leads to cuts so you'll want to shave your scrotum slowly and carefully.

Both men and women may want to shower before shaving. Showering makes your hair softer and easier to shave, which means less irritation, and the hot water will open your pores. You'll also want to work in that shave gel to soften the hair. Use a new, sharp razor and rinse it often to prevent it from getting clogged or stuck.

Shave with the grain of your hair as much as possible, you still can get quite close and you'll decrease your chances of getting ingrown hairs. Splash on some cold water when you are done to close the pores up again.

Waxing/BodySugar (a thick syrupy product): Overall I would recommend having your waxing done by an experienced professional. You're less likely to end up bruised, injured, or only half waxed, and it's easier for someone who can see those nooks and crannies from a different angle. You could also consider getting the hair lasered off - it's fairly painless and the hair would be gone for good.

But if you are going to do your waxing/sugaring at home, here are some tips:

Before you wax, you'll want to exfoliate the skin to help raise the hairs, this makes them easier to extract. Some people also recommend applying baby oil the day before to help soften the follicles, but make certain the area is not oily when you are waxing.

Most importantly, make sure to stretch the skin tight. Loose skin leads to bad waxing and pain. Apply the wax/sugar in thin strips (one inch or half inch strips). This will ensure that the skin is tight and it will reduce the pain.

Rip the strips off against the grain, in one quick motion. Make sure you keep your hand close to your body because if you rip straight up you risk bruising or injuring your skin.

Afterwards you'll want to make sure that you get rid of all the residual wax/sugar. Then apply a cool cloth and any lotion that came with your kit. It's also recommended to apply an antibiotic lotion or gel like Neosporin or aloe.

Depilatory Cream (like Nair or Veet): This method is great for people who don't like pain or ingrown hairs and whose skin can handle the chemicals. But this method is not for everyone because some people have sensitive skin and could get burnt. Follow the directions on the bottle for testing it out in advance.

Even people with sturdy skin need to make sure that they don't get the cream on their most sensitive areas, like close to the anus or vaginal opening. If you're using this method it's a good idea to wet your fingers after applying the cream to clean it away from the inner labia, the perineum, and anus.

This method of hair removal is pretty simple - trim the hair, apply the cream where you want the hair to go away, wash your hands, set the timer (do not go over the recommended time), and rinse. If your skin feels a bit "funny" after using the cream, try rubbing on some aloe cream/gel.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to get rid of all your pubic hair - how much or how little you take off as you prepare for the hot weather and bikini/Speedo season is up to you and your own preferences. As I've said, sometimes just giving things a good trim is enough to make you feel fresh and sexy and let the beauty of your naughty bits shine.