Cumming up a little short

Every once in a while I get some really interesting questions from my readers. Here are a couple that I have received recently:

This first question was from a reader who had had a very busy evening. Just to lay it out for you, first he masturbated in the shower and shortly after met up with a female partner who began to pleasure him orally in preparation for sex. However, after two failed attempts at putting on a condom — he couldn’t maintain an erection with a rubber — they gave up and had sex without a condom.

"We had sex for a good 45 minutes or so due to my not being able to produce any cum. I did not cum at any point with her." He wondered what the chances were that there was still semen inside his penis, which could cause her to become pregnant.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite given enough information to really calculate the exact percentage chance that this gentleman had enough semen left in his penis to get his partner pregnant. However, I can say that yes, there is a chance that his partner could get pregnant from what he described.

When he masturbated to orgasm in the shower he would have ejaculated the majority of his sperm, but not 100 per cent of it — some would still have been caught up in his urethra or further back in his plumbing. Usually this isn’t a big deal as the sperm would have come out on their own eventually or would have been re-absorbed into the body over time. But in this case, he ended up having sex pretty soon after ejaculating.

It’s entirely possible that some of the left-over sperm ended up in his partner’s mouth when she was giving him head, but there is still a chance that some was left to make it into her vagina with his pre-cum when they started having sex. 
So it’s a small chance, but still a chance.

This couple’s first mistake was giving up on using a condom; condoms are 98 per cent effective at preventing pregnancy and around 70-85 per cent effective at preventing sexually transmitted infections, when used correctly.

This couple’s second mistake was not having a secondary form of birth control as a back-up for when they couldn’t get a condom on and/or in case the condom had broken.

A good back-up would be something like her being on the pill, wearing an IUD, using a diaphragm or using a female condom. At the very least they could have liberally applied some spermicidal gel or foam, this is less effective than condoms and can cause irritation, but is more effective than nothing. However, none of these methods, except the female condom, would have protected them from STI’s.

Another thing: it’s not uncommon for some guys to have trouble staying hard when they try to get a condom on, but it just takes practise and/or a little extra effort to get rid of this problem.

Try putting a condom on by yourself; make sure that you use the proper sized condom. Then try using a condom when you’re masturbating. Jerking off while you wear it will help you get used to wearing a condom and, who knows, maybe you’ll really like the experience. Try, in the heat of the moment, having your partner put the condom on you with her mouth, that way you don’t really have to stop the fun to put it on.

This next question is from a woman who used to masturbate when she was younger but stopped and now wants to start up again. "I would love to reach climax; I just really don’t want to break my hymen, how do I achieve this?"

Firstly, there are some things everyone should know about hymens. If you’re worrying about preserving your hymen to prove your virginity, don’t bother: you might not even have one, it might have been "broken" already from non-sexual activities, or it might not even “break” when you do have sex for the first time. A hymen isn’t how someone is going to be able to tell that you are a virgin.

Hymens are a bit of a medical mystery; not all women are born with a hymen, and between the time that a girl is old enough for school and until she reaches puberty, her hymen will be quite thin and delicate. This is because she is not producing as much estrogen. At this time it is thought to be possible for the hymen to be broken by something as simple as horseback riding, gymnastics or strenuous exercise.

After puberty the hymen, if present, thickens and changes shape. Instead of covering the whole entrance, it now forms a little crescent near the bottom that is pretty much indistinguishable from the other folds in a vagina. A woman’s hymen is pretty out of the way; this is why a normal hymen isn’t damaged by using tampons — in fact, for many women, even having sex doesn’t disturb their hymen at all!

Since this reader is well past puberty, her hymen (if she has one) should be thick and able to handle masturbation just fine — so long as she isn’t planning on shoving gigantic dildos or big zucchinis inside herself.

As for actually how to bring oneself to climax, well that’s a little more complicated and something that one has to explore on their own. Every woman is built differently and is going to respond to different types of stimulation.

For many, the most sure-fire way to climax involves clitoral, not vaginal, stimulation. There are many ways to play with a clit: rub it through the hood covering it, lick your fingers or use vaginal juices to lubricate your finger while you rub it or lay on your stomach and press your palm or the heel of your hand against your clit. You could even try rubbing it on things.

There’s no "best way" or “most appropriate way” when it comes to masturbation, there is only the way that works best for you.