Fair Trade for Oral

One of the most popular questions I seem to be asked by my readers -- besides, "how big is big enough" -- is "how can I get my partner to give me more oral sex?"

Coincidentally, I was just talking about this issue with a friend of mine over lunch last week. We were remarking how "funny" it is that it always seems to be the men whose partners won't or can't give them blowjobs who seem to obsess over wanting one.

We also wondered if perhaps we don't usually hear as much from women because they might be more shy about asking for more oral sex. It's very likely that there are droves of women wandering around at this very moment, obsessing over the lack of oral sex in their lives. But I suppose that it's not uncommon for people to want so badly what they can't seem to get.

While there are many lovely reasons why one should indulge their partner, there are a lot of reasons why someone might not want to give their partner oral sex.

First, they may complain it's uncomfortable for them, or it's "too much work." To quote a popular television program, "it's called a job for a reason". For some people, when a partner asks them for oral sex, all they picture is neck strain, a sore jaw, a numb mouth, losing feeling in their arms or legs, etc. It can be pretty uncomfortable and exhausting to bring someone to orgasm with one's mouth.

But, there are ways to make giving head less work for your partner. One of the tricks is to make sure your partner gets themselves into a good position so that they don't cramp up. It also will help if they use one hand to steady themselves and one hand to steady the penis -- switching hands if one arm gets tired, or both hands to steady the hips if they are preforming on a woman. They need to be in a position where they're going to be comfortable and not going to be off balance, tense, or cutting off circulation. It can be a surprisingly delicate procedure.

Another trick to ease oral sex lock-jaw is to let your partner finish you off with their hand -- the final moments before you orgasm can be the most arduous for your partner, who is trying their best to maintain speed, friction, and/or suction. They might be more likely to give you oral more often if you let them skip the rough part at the end. A comfy head-giver is a happy head-giver and a happy head-giver is a repeat head-giver.

Another issue is gagging -- this is more something that happens with a man. Maybe you got over-excited once or twice and jammed your penis down their throat or they got over-eager and tried to take you too deep. In the end, it doesn't always matter whose fault it is, just that it happened.

Gagging can be scary, doesn't feel very good and could put someone off giving oral sex for a long time.

You can help your partner out with this problem by not jamming yourself down their throat and they can help themselves out by taking it slow when they try to take you deep and by keeping a hand at the base of your shaft to help guide and keep things in control.

Some may complain that they don't feel connected to you while they do it. Yes, I know they are technically connected to you via your genitals, but your partner might not always feel emotionally/psychologically connected to you and, for many people, that connection is very important during sex. Sex is about being close and intimate with someone else (among other things), and sometimes that connection is hard to feel when you're "up there" having fun and they are "down there" pleasuring you.

You can help your partner feel more connected to you by talking to them and making noise, let them know that you like what they're doing, say their name, tell them that they're doing a good job, and that you're getting close. Or maybe get into a position where you can touch their body too and give them a little pleasure -- maybe go for a 69!

But maybe they think they're bad at it. This could be tricky issue, or it could be easily solved by you telling them that they aren't awful, that maybe they should practise more -- like right now. If your partner really isn't very good, give them some guidance --- they would rather have you tell them to adjust their head than find out that the reason why you took half an hour to orgasm was because they were doing something that you found painful or distracting.

Perhaps the problem is that you don't reciprocate. This holds true for many things: letters, birthday gifts, oral sex, dinner invitations, e-cards, etc. Personally, I stopped giving a boyfriend back massages until he started to give me more back -- if you don't give, you can't always expect to receive.

You stink or are otherwise unpleasant in your crotch-ular region. Now I'm not talking about your regular musk, most people find that scent perfectly appetizing and arousing. Rather, I'm talking about stale crotch smell, over-powering sweaty crotch, and crazy overgrown pubes.

Often, the bulk of this problem can be solved with a shower and a little grooming -- but if you're really worried about making your crotch smell tasty, you could try using something like fenugreek herbal tea, which makes you smell like maple.

Another fun thing to try is playing with food; whipped cream, chocolate sauce, nutella, flavoured lubes, ice cream, sugar, candy, fruit -- heck anything tasty will do.

But everyone is different and any of these reasons, or others, could be why your partner doesn't always want to go down on you. While pressure does work to convince some people, for others it just makes them more stubborn. Hopefully some of my tips will help those of you who are wishing for more oral action; and those of you who are getting as much oral sex as you want, now you realise just how fortunate you are.