Keeping yourself clean is easier than you think

I recently received an e-mail from a reader asking if douches are a good idea to use after sex. A douche is a way of cleaning the inside of the vagina by squirting water and other fluids like vinegar or antiseptics inside to flush it out. You can find douche kits in pharmacies and many grocery stores, but really how useful are they? And should people be using them at all?

Douching has been practised for centuries; it reportedly goes back to the time of Hippocrates, when people didn’t know a whole lot about female anatomy and there weren’t many medications or antibiotics available.

Douching was done only when it was absolutely necessary to clean out the vaginal cavity. But for some reason, douching ended up becoming a fairly common practice among many groups of women.

Today about 37 per cent of women in the U.S. douche and half of these do so at least once a week.

Women use douches for various reasons. To wash away menstrual blood, to reduce perceived vaginal odours, to “feel clean” and some even use it after sex as birth control and to avoid catching an STI (sexually transmitted infection); however, a douche is not an effective contraceptive and will not protect you from infection.

Studies show that women who douche actually end up with more health problems than women who do not. For example, women who douche have greater than 73 per cent chance of getting PID, pelvic inflammatory disease, a bacterial infection in the reproductive organs.

PID can lead to infertility, problems during pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancies (where the baby starts growing in the fallopian tubes). Women who douche once a week are 83 per cent more likely to contract cervical cancer.

Women who douche regularly are also more likely to suffer vaginal irritations, bacterial infections, and are actually more at risk for catching STI’s.

In addition, using a douche after sex is actually more likely to push semen into the uterus, increasing your chances of pregnancy — so much for using it as birth control.

A douche also won’t “cure” vaginal odours, if anything it might only mask them temporarily.

A healthy vagina should have a slight musky odour — it shouldn’t smell like flowers or rain!

But if you do think that something is wrong with your smell, or if it smells fishy or pasty then you should go see your doctor.

Doctors and nurses today advise against the use of a douche, though very rarely your doctor might prescribe it to treat certain conditions.

Your vagina has a lot of important processes going on inside of it. There are friendly bacteria living in your vagina; these bacteria are very important and protect your vagina from other infections. It gives off a natural form of hydrogen peroxide, which keeps the pH of the vagina more acidic, in turn guarding you from the invasion of other, more destructive bacteria.

The friendly bacteria in your vagina also keep the yeast cells in your vagina under control. If the bacteria dies off (which can easily happen) the yeast cells can start to multiply, giving you a yeast infection.

Douching can also abrade the delicate tissue of your vagina, causing irritations and making it easier for things like infectious bacteria and STIs to get inside your bloodstream.

Your vagina doesn’t need a douche to keep itself clean; it does just fine on its own. It is constantly producing mucus and this mucus lining is constantly moving — your vagina is like an glacier. All day and night the mucus lining of your vagina slowly flows towards the outside, pulling with it anything else that might be inside: dead cells, semen, blood, and other tiny particles that may have gotten inside.

So in answer to my reader’s question: no, you should not be using a douche after sex or under any circumstance, unless your doctor prescribes it. Just let your vagina do its own thing and grab a box of tissues or a warm washcloth for cleaning up externally after sex.

Frosh Week Sex Questions

Dear Shay: Are "Blue Balls" for Real?

The Term "blue balls" refers to a vasocongestion in the testicles or vulva and is often used as an excuse to pressure a partner into having sex. However, although most people don't actually turn blue, some really do feel some pain or discomfort after sexual arousal or stimulation because blood has rushed into the testicles and penis or the vulva and has become trapped; causing an increase in pressure that can be uncomfortable.

But the person suffering from "blue balls" (or "blue vulva") doesn't need to have sex to alleviate the pressure. They can also just wait for the fluid to drain by itself or they can masturbate to orgasm. If you find yourself or your partner afflicted with this "condition" and no sexual release is available you could also try a cold compress (like a can of beer or pop) on the area.

Dear Shay: Is it true that you can tell how long a guy's penis is by looking at his hands and feet?
There is actually no scientific proof to back up this popular myth. A guy with small hands and feet is just as likely to be well endowed as the professional basketball players out there who wear size 35 shoes.

Dear Shay: What can I do to avoid condom breakage?

Now this is a situation where size really does matter; it’s very important to make sure that you have the right size condom. A condom that fits too tightly is more likely to break and a condom that is too big could slip off!

Also stay far away from any petroleum based lubricants. Besides causing all sorts of problems for a female partner, petroleum based lubricants also have a nasty habit of making a latex condom fall apart. But, do make sure that you use a lot of water based lube, especially in orifices that don’t produce their own lubrication, like the anus, this will be more comfortable and will also help keep the condom from breaking.

Dear Shay. How many times in a row is it possible for a woman to have orgasms?

According to what I was able to find in my research, the most scientifically confirmed consecutive orgasms for a female is 50. This experiment was conducted under carefully controlled conditions: there were video cameras, trained observers, and even electrodes taped to various parts of the female participant's body to verify each orgasm! After she had gone through around 30 male assistants and 50 orgasms, the experimenters felt it was time to pack up since they were running out of film and it was getting late.

This feat may have been achieved through skimming. Orgasms are usually described as the peaks of waves with the troughs as recovery periods. Women who are able to achieve multiple orgasms often skim the surface of these waves, hitting multiple peaks without needing long resting periods.

Men do not usually get to experience anything like this because, once they ejaculate and start to lose their erection, their penis will often have to go through a whole phase of relaxation, rest, and re-erection before they are ready for another orgasm.

Dear Shay: Is it true that when you're drunk, you can't cum?

Well, alcohol and some drugs sure can make getting to that point difficult! Alcohol has a bad habit of numbing the nerve endings in male and female genitals, making harder to reach orgasm, and it decreases the amount of lubrication that a woman produces, which can lead to painful dry sex, again making it harder to achieve orgasm. Alcohol also has been known to decrease your desire for sex, arousal, and satisfaction.

As a side note, being drunk can also make it very hard to properly use a condom or other barriers and can compromise the effectiveness of some oral contraceptives. Keep in mind, the best kind of sex is the kind you can remember!

How should I store/carry around my condoms?

1. Not in your pants pocket and Not at the bottom of your purse.

These are both places where your precious condoms are in danger of being bent, poked, or otherwise damaged. Ideally, the best place to store your condoms is safe and dry in their box on a shelf or in a drawer. However, it is always a good idea to have a condom on your person, because you never know what might happen, especially on bar night! You can safely carry condoms in a smaller reinforced section of a bag or purse or in a jacket lining pocket. Or get condoms that come in travel safe containers.

Remember to check your condoms every once in a while to make sure the package is intact and that it hasn't expired. Always throw out condoms if they seem dry, brittle, discoloured, or smell funnier than usual.

Anal is more than just a Stage of Development

It’s a new semester, so let’s start things off with a bang — from behind!

Many people around the world enjoy anal sex and anal play. It’s become almost a staple in many types of pornography and is generating a lot of curiosity — more and more hetero couples are realizing that straight doesn’t have to mean, “exit only.”

Anal play can be very gratifying; there is a wealth of nerve endings in and around the rectum that can send your brain pleasure signals when they are stimulated. Despite this potential for delight, however, many people are still not interested in or are afraid to try anal stimulation, often due to fears of it being messy or painful.

Anal sex should not be painful as long as everything is properly lubricated and the receiver is relaxed and prepared. Many beginners do find properly lubricated anal play uncomfortable at first, but once they learn to relax, they are more able to enjoy themselves and the discomfort fades away.

As for mess, feces (poo) isn’t stored in the rectum until just before you get rid of it, so you don’t usually have to worry about that. But if you are worried, it’s a good idea to make sure that you are getting a lot of fibre in your diet, that you have gone to the bathroom recently and perhaps take a shower before you begin.

Some people also prefer to do an enema, which involves squirting fluid into your rectum and colon, just to make doubly sure that they don’t have to worry about any mess during anal sex.

However, even after taking any or all of these measures, you should still always use a condom. Having anal sex without a condom puts you at risk for a urinary tract infection, among other more serious things. Always change condoms if you want to switch from anal play to anything else and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly. Rectum bacteria don’t belong in the vagina or mouth and can cause nasty infections if they are transported there.

You also should be aware that the same rules apply for HIV and STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) with anal sex — so don’t forget that condom! There is often more friction associated with anal sex, which can abrade the skin of a penis and the partner’s rectum, which increases the risk of STI transmission.

Ideally you should also use a rubber glove for any hand-to-anal play and use a dental dam to provide a barrier during oral-anal play. You can make a dental dam out of a condom by snipping off the tip and then cutting the side before you unroll it, or you can buy flavoured barriers from many sex-toy shops. These methods will help to keep you safe from infection.

The same rules for a penis, or your fingers, also apply to your toys. Be sure to wash toys thoroughly after they’ve been used in anal play — you may even want to put a condom over your toys.

Some toys are dishwasher safe, which is excellent because the heat from the dishwasher will kill any bacteria that may have hitched a ride on your favourite dildo or plug. Glass or Pyrex toys are a smart choice for anal play because they are not porous like other material, which makes them resistant to bacteria, and they are dishwasher safe. For non-dishwasher safe toys and especially for silicone toys, you’ll definitely want to slide a condom over them before use and use a concentrated, toy approved, cleanser before you store them.

If you are experimenting with a partner, besides protecting yourselves from infection, you’ll want to protect yourselves from injury. Anal penetration requires trust between both partners; it’s important that you go very slowly and listen to your partner to make sure that they aren’t in pain. The rectal wall curves and is fairly thin, so you’ll want to be very careful with how fast you go and with the types of objects you slide inside. The same goes for solo penetration: take it slow, breathe deep, and relax — there’s no need to push yourself too far too soon.

Using plenty of lubrication is essential. Since you’re going to be safe and will be using a condom for anal sex — and/or will be concerned about protecting your nice anal toys — you’ll want to get a good water-based lubricant. Silicone-based lubricants are also safe. Though they can degrade silicone toys, they are safe to use with condoms and are a little more viscous which can be very handy for anal sex; but petroleum based lubricants, like Vaseline, will degrade latex condoms and should be avoided. Many anal lubricants also contain a light anaesthetic to dull any initial discomfort; this can help relax you and your partner but shouldn't numb you too much.

Anal play is one area where toys can be even more important and useful than usual. Since the average anus is not used to accepting something as large as a penis or large dildo, smaller toys can be essential for “warming up” and for promoting comfort and relaxation as you explore.

It’s best to start with a finger or a small plug or probe. If you are playing with a partner, pay close attention to them the whole time, making sure that they feel comfortable.

After lubing up, slowly push the plug slightly inside the anus. Do not use force — stop immediately if your partner complains of discomfort — or if you are playing alone, stop if you feel that it’s more than you can handle or if you feel pain.

If it is difficult to enter the anus, you probably need more lubrication — be liberal with it. However, you should keep in mind that anal sex may not be for everyone, and if you or your partner feels uncomfortable, stop and consider trying again another time.

You may find that a thin probe is all you need (or feel comfortable with), or you may want to try going a little thicker, maybe working your way up to something large, like a penis or big dildo or a big plug. A toy with varying widths is perfect for those who want to explore wider objects, because they start off with a smaller diameter at the tip and increase in thickness gradually — this gives you a chance to practice and allows you to ease up to wider toys. It’s also a good idea to use toys that have a flared base or some other mechanism to prevent them from getting lodged in the rectum — saving you from an embarrassing visit to the ER.

It's a good idea to try a bunch of different toys to figure out what you like best — do you prefer the fullness of a butt plug or penis, the feeling of entry and withdrawal with anal beads or the stimulation of a vibrating toy? Most importantly, respect your body. Take it slow, don’t push your limits too hard and go only as far as you feel comfortable.

Watch This Space

Shortly this blog will have an archive of my articles from the Imprint

Fair Trade for Oral

One of the most popular questions I seem to be asked by my readers -- besides, "how big is big enough" -- is "how can I get my partner to give me more oral sex?"

Coincidentally, I was just talking about this issue with a friend of mine over lunch last week. We were remarking how "funny" it is that it always seems to be the men whose partners won't or can't give them blowjobs who seem to obsess over wanting one.

We also wondered if perhaps we don't usually hear as much from women because they might be more shy about asking for more oral sex. It's very likely that there are droves of women wandering around at this very moment, obsessing over the lack of oral sex in their lives. But I suppose that it's not uncommon for people to want so badly what they can't seem to get.

While there are many lovely reasons why one should indulge their partner, there are a lot of reasons why someone might not want to give their partner oral sex.

First, they may complain it's uncomfortable for them, or it's "too much work." To quote a popular television program, "it's called a job for a reason". For some people, when a partner asks them for oral sex, all they picture is neck strain, a sore jaw, a numb mouth, losing feeling in their arms or legs, etc. It can be pretty uncomfortable and exhausting to bring someone to orgasm with one's mouth.

But, there are ways to make giving head less work for your partner. One of the tricks is to make sure your partner gets themselves into a good position so that they don't cramp up. It also will help if they use one hand to steady themselves and one hand to steady the penis -- switching hands if one arm gets tired, or both hands to steady the hips if they are preforming on a woman. They need to be in a position where they're going to be comfortable and not going to be off balance, tense, or cutting off circulation. It can be a surprisingly delicate procedure.

Another trick to ease oral sex lock-jaw is to let your partner finish you off with their hand -- the final moments before you orgasm can be the most arduous for your partner, who is trying their best to maintain speed, friction, and/or suction. They might be more likely to give you oral more often if you let them skip the rough part at the end. A comfy head-giver is a happy head-giver and a happy head-giver is a repeat head-giver.

Another issue is gagging -- this is more something that happens with a man. Maybe you got over-excited once or twice and jammed your penis down their throat or they got over-eager and tried to take you too deep. In the end, it doesn't always matter whose fault it is, just that it happened.

Gagging can be scary, doesn't feel very good and could put someone off giving oral sex for a long time.

You can help your partner out with this problem by not jamming yourself down their throat and they can help themselves out by taking it slow when they try to take you deep and by keeping a hand at the base of your shaft to help guide and keep things in control.

Some may complain that they don't feel connected to you while they do it. Yes, I know they are technically connected to you via your genitals, but your partner might not always feel emotionally/psychologically connected to you and, for many people, that connection is very important during sex. Sex is about being close and intimate with someone else (among other things), and sometimes that connection is hard to feel when you're "up there" having fun and they are "down there" pleasuring you.

You can help your partner feel more connected to you by talking to them and making noise, let them know that you like what they're doing, say their name, tell them that they're doing a good job, and that you're getting close. Or maybe get into a position where you can touch their body too and give them a little pleasure -- maybe go for a 69!

But maybe they think they're bad at it. This could be tricky issue, or it could be easily solved by you telling them that they aren't awful, that maybe they should practise more -- like right now. If your partner really isn't very good, give them some guidance --- they would rather have you tell them to adjust their head than find out that the reason why you took half an hour to orgasm was because they were doing something that you found painful or distracting.

Perhaps the problem is that you don't reciprocate. This holds true for many things: letters, birthday gifts, oral sex, dinner invitations, e-cards, etc. Personally, I stopped giving a boyfriend back massages until he started to give me more back -- if you don't give, you can't always expect to receive.

You stink or are otherwise unpleasant in your crotch-ular region. Now I'm not talking about your regular musk, most people find that scent perfectly appetizing and arousing. Rather, I'm talking about stale crotch smell, over-powering sweaty crotch, and crazy overgrown pubes.

Often, the bulk of this problem can be solved with a shower and a little grooming -- but if you're really worried about making your crotch smell tasty, you could try using something like fenugreek herbal tea, which makes you smell like maple.

Another fun thing to try is playing with food; whipped cream, chocolate sauce, nutella, flavoured lubes, ice cream, sugar, candy, fruit -- heck anything tasty will do.

But everyone is different and any of these reasons, or others, could be why your partner doesn't always want to go down on you. While pressure does work to convince some people, for others it just makes them more stubborn. Hopefully some of my tips will help those of you who are wishing for more oral action; and those of you who are getting as much oral sex as you want, now you realise just how fortunate you are.

Goin' Bare for the Beach/Lake

The hot summer weather is here. The time of year when a young person's thoughts turn to staying cool, weekends at the lake, and hair removal. This seems like a good time to talk about the three main ways to get rid of pubic hair as painlessly as possible; shaving, waxing, and creaming.

For all of these methods, it works best if you first trim your pubic hair with scissors; it will be easier to see what you're doing and things will be less messy. You'll want the hairs to be around a quarter to half an inch long (that's 6mm to 13mm).

And remember, if you're going to leave a patch of hair for decoration or direction, try not to be too much of a perfectionist. It's easy to worry too much about making things even and end up with no hair at all.

Shaving: It's a myth that shaving makes hair grow back thicker, so don't let that stop you. But you are more likely to get ingrown hairs this way, so here are some tips for getting the best shave possible.

For guys specifically, a little trimming is usually enough to show off your length. Men often have darker and more profuse body hair so it can look odd if they shave off all of their pubic hair. That said, you still might want to shave off any of the stray hairs that are creeping up your shaft, closer to the base, and you could consider shaving your scrotum.

For these two jobs, the kind of razor you use on your face is probably good enough - especially if you use a fancy razor with more blades, you'll be less likely to cut yourself. And the most important thing is to hold the skin taut. Wrinkled skin leads to cuts so you'll want to shave your scrotum slowly and carefully.

Both men and women may want to shower before shaving. Showering makes your hair softer and easier to shave, which means less irritation, and the hot water will open your pores. You'll also want to work in that shave gel to soften the hair. Use a new, sharp razor and rinse it often to prevent it from getting clogged or stuck.

Shave with the grain of your hair as much as possible, you still can get quite close and you'll decrease your chances of getting ingrown hairs. Splash on some cold water when you are done to close the pores up again.

Waxing/BodySugar (a thick syrupy product): Overall I would recommend having your waxing done by an experienced professional. You're less likely to end up bruised, injured, or only half waxed, and it's easier for someone who can see those nooks and crannies from a different angle. You could also consider getting the hair lasered off - it's fairly painless and the hair would be gone for good.

But if you are going to do your waxing/sugaring at home, here are some tips:

Before you wax, you'll want to exfoliate the skin to help raise the hairs, this makes them easier to extract. Some people also recommend applying baby oil the day before to help soften the follicles, but make certain the area is not oily when you are waxing.

Most importantly, make sure to stretch the skin tight. Loose skin leads to bad waxing and pain. Apply the wax/sugar in thin strips (one inch or half inch strips). This will ensure that the skin is tight and it will reduce the pain.

Rip the strips off against the grain, in one quick motion. Make sure you keep your hand close to your body because if you rip straight up you risk bruising or injuring your skin.

Afterwards you'll want to make sure that you get rid of all the residual wax/sugar. Then apply a cool cloth and any lotion that came with your kit. It's also recommended to apply an antibiotic lotion or gel like Neosporin or aloe.

Depilatory Cream (like Nair or Veet): This method is great for people who don't like pain or ingrown hairs and whose skin can handle the chemicals. But this method is not for everyone because some people have sensitive skin and could get burnt. Follow the directions on the bottle for testing it out in advance.

Even people with sturdy skin need to make sure that they don't get the cream on their most sensitive areas, like close to the anus or vaginal opening. If you're using this method it's a good idea to wet your fingers after applying the cream to clean it away from the inner labia, the perineum, and anus.

This method of hair removal is pretty simple - trim the hair, apply the cream where you want the hair to go away, wash your hands, set the timer (do not go over the recommended time), and rinse. If your skin feels a bit "funny" after using the cream, try rubbing on some aloe cream/gel.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to get rid of all your pubic hair - how much or how little you take off as you prepare for the hot weather and bikini/Speedo season is up to you and your own preferences. As I've said, sometimes just giving things a good trim is enough to make you feel fresh and sexy and let the beauty of your naughty bits shine.

How to Become a Kegel Ninja!

Recently, there has been some debate on my blog about Kegel exercises. It appears that people just aren't sure how, when, or even where to do them. There's a lot of conflicting information out there, so I ambled over to the library website to do a little research.

Kegel (often misspelled as "keggle" or "kegle") exercises are named after the gynaecologist Dr. Arnold Kegel, who cared so much about vaginas that he gave them exercises to do so that they could stay in shape.

Kegel exercises are done by clenching and unclenching the muscles at the bottom of the pelvis, specifically, the pubococcygeus muscle. When you try them -- as I'm sure you are at this very moment -- you'll want to focus on clenching the same muscles that you might use to stop yourself from peeing. It is alright for your abs to clench, but make sure that you aren't tightening your thighs -- if you are, then you aren't focusing on the right muscle.

Kegel exercises strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle (aka the PC or Kegel muscle), which is found in the pelvic floor of both men and women and is incredibly useful. It controls urine flow, contracts during orgasms, and surrounds the openings of the anus, vagina, and bladder.

In women, Kegel exercises can help strengthen and tone the pelvic muscles, which is great for toning up before and after childbirth and for preventing urinary incontinence (i.e. peeing your pants when you sneeze -- a significant problem for millions of people in North America).

Kegels can also be a lot of fun during penetrative sex; a male partner should be able to feel the muscles tighten around his penis as you clench your PC muscles.

In men -- yes it works for the guys, too -- Kegel exercises can aid urinary continence, and are said to be able to help them reach orgasm without ejaculation and even help attain multiple orgasms!

Doing Kegel exercises will also raise and lower their testicles which could be a fun party trick, as well as work out their anal muscles, which could handy during penetrative anal sex.

The disagreements start when it comes time to talk about where/how to do Kegel exercises. Some people are convinced that Kegel exercises should be done during urination -- that is, the person should exercise their Kegel muscles by stopping and releasing the flow of pee when they are on the toilet. On the other hand, some vehemently oppose doing Kegel exercises during urination because of the reported risk of urinary tract infection.

One of the papers I found, by Dr. Katharine Kolcaba et al., recommends locating the appropriate muscles for Kegel exercises by pretending to stop to flow of urine. And a few other websites also suggest locating the muscles this way or by actually stopping the flow of urine, but only once or twice, until you get the hang of it.

Personally, I suggest that you go the route of "better safe than sorry." Since it has been suggested that stopping the flow of urine is not a good thing to be doing regularly -- why do it at all? There are many ways to work out your Kegel muscles without resorting to this uncomfortable and potentially dangerous method.

In fact, let's look at what Dr. Kegel prescribed - his method had an 84% success rate. He instructed his patients to contract their pelvic muscles against a "perineometer," a cone-shaped balloon inserted into the vagina, but a dildo, fingers, ben wa balls, or a piece of foam cut to size would work just as well. They were instructed to alternately contract and relax the PC muscles for 20 minutes, three times a day, for a total of 300 contractions.

And this brings us to another disagreement on my blog -- how many clenches should be done in a day?

As you read above, Dr. Kegel recommended doing three sets of 100 clenches in a day, but there are two recognised ways to do Kegel exercises: fast and slow.

For slow Kegels, you clench your Kegel muscles and hold for 5-10 seconds. For fast Kegels, you clench and hold your Kegel muscles for only 1 second -- this would have been the type that Dr. Kegel was thinking of when he prescribed doing 300 in a day. You should also keep in mind that he was prescribing this to patients diagnosed with urinary incontinence -- I'm sure Dr. Kegel won't be angry if we healthy folks do a little less than the full 300 clenches a day.

You could also try alternating between fast and slow Kegels.

Once you've gotten pretty good at your regular Kegel exercises try this: imagine that your pelvic floor is an elevator and slowly clench it tighter and tighter, imagining that the elevator is going up floor by floor, and then slowly unclench, bringing the elevator back down.

You could also try incorporating Kegel clenches into your yoga routine -- this is called tightening your Moolabandha -- it is said that this will increase your energy levels and relieve tension.

The nifty thing about doing your Kegel exercises, whether you do them fast or slow, is that no one has to know! You can do them anywhere, at almost any time -- like a Kegel Ninja! And the benefits are certainly worth the small amount of concentration required.

There's A Vas Deferens Between Men and Women - or is there

Ejaculation can be a sticky topic (pun intended). Everyone knows that men ejaculate, but many don't realise that women do as well! Grab a box of tissues, because this week we will be exploring the mysteries of male and female ejaculation.

Most people know that in men the testicles are involved in ejaculation and many people know that the prostate also has a hand in the goings on. But are you really aware of how male ejaculation happens?

As you know, in men the purpose of ejaculation (besides for money shots in porn) is to squirt out sperm -- which is made in the testicles.

Inside your scrotum (that handy little sack between your legs guys), each testicle contains coils of tissue called seminiferous tubules. Assuming you are healthy, the cells in these tubes make sperm constantly, from the point that you hit puberty onwards.

Newly created sperm travel into the epididymis where they mature and are stored -- it's like sperm school, where they gain the ability to swim and fertilize an egg. Once they are mature, the sperm hang out in the back of the epididymis until the body is ready to ejaculate.

You might think that in a busy guy, things could get pretty backed up in there, as more and more sperm are made every day. Thankfully, men don't have to worry about having sperm backed up in their epididymis -- if the sperm is not used, after a few weeks it will be reabsorbed by the body or it will be expelled by night-time emissions (read: wet dreams).

When it's time to ejaculate, the sperm are packed together tightly at the back of the epididymis. They don't have to swim their way out either -- the sperm move out of the epididymis and along the vas deferens towards the urethra via peristaltic muscle contractions (that's the same rhythmic, forward moving muscle contractions that happen when you swallow -- it's like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube by squeezing one finger at a time from the back to the front).

In the vas deferens (a tube which connects to the urethra), other fluids are added to the mix from the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. Sperm makes up only 3.5% of the stuff that is in your semen, the seminal vesicles contribute a sweet 60%, and the prostate a citrus-y 11.5%.

The prostate also contains smooth muscles which contract rhythmically to shoot that semen out of your penis and onto/into whatever you have "handy."

For many years it was thought that only men were capable of ejaculation. Female ejaculation was dismissed as a myth and many of the women who could do it ended up having surgery and/or therapy in an attempt to "fix" it because people thought that it was urine. But, in 1980, the medical community was finally made aware of this phenomenon when John Perry and Beverly Whipple showed a film to the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex.

The professionals at this showing saw a female being stimulated by her partner until her urethra began to swell (on a woman it's located between the vaginal opening and the clitoris). And after a few moments, milky fluid shot out! When the fluid was examined, it turned out that it wasn't urine at all but actually was pretty similar to the prostate fluid in men's ejaculate.

It's actually nearly impossible to pee while you orgasm, no matter your gender. The pubococcygeus muscle contracts to stop the flow of urine when you are peeing, and this is the same muscle that clamps down when you orgasm. This muscle contracts to keep you from emptying your bladder when you orgasm and prevents retrograde ejaculation (fluid getting sucked back into the bladder).

Female ejaculatory fluid is usually clear or milky and doesn't have the look, smell or taste of urine. It's as thin as water and in terms of taste, which varies with multiple factors like diet; it can taste sweet, sour, bitter or any combination of these.

Some researchers believe that the fluid is produced by the Skene's gland (located in the G-spot) which is thought to be the female equivalent of the male prostate gland. But thus far, much of the research on female ejaculation does not give any serious data about the origin or composition of the fluid expelled.

It has been estimated that 10% of women do ejaculate during sex, but many more women may be capable of ejaculation. It is possible that not as many women have experienced ejaculation because, for female ejaculation to occur, certain psychological, emotional, and physical conditions must be met, and this can represent a significant inhibiting factor if one or more area is neglected. It has been found that female Tantra practitioners experience ejaculation most frequently because the prolonged and uninhibited nature of tantric sex helps these women to attain the conditions required.

Ejaculation certainly is a wonderful thing; thank goodness men and women can both do it.

Love Thyself

You may not know this, but May has officially been deemed International Masturbation Month. If you did a search for this term online, you'd come across a number of sites running events like "Diddle for Dollars" to raise money for some great charities. In honour of starting up this column during the month of May, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about some of the health benefits of masturbation.

It turns out that masturbation (i.e. ejaculating/orgasming) is actually pretty important for both guys and gals (especially if you're not having sex often or at all).

The findings of a study lead by Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, suggest that masturbation is actually really important for men in their twenties.

According to Giles, "frequent" (five times a week) masturbation to ejaculation by males in their twenties helps prevent prostate cancer later in life. Prostate cancer kills more than half a million men each year, but the more that men masturbate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop the disease.

It is likely that masturbation is preventative of prostate cancer because frequent stimulation by ejaculation keeps carcinogens from building up in the testicles and prostate.

That's a definite health benefit, specifically for men, but there are many more benefits of masturbation for everyone.

For instance, masturbation improves your muscle tone. For ladies, it will strengthen your internal muscles - better muscle tone inside your vagina is fun for sex, because you can intensify and control orgasms; strong muscles are also handy when you're older, to help prevent urinary leakage.

Also for women, masturbating to orgasm will also help with PMS and can help relieve menstrual cramps.

Masturbation and sex also make one feel more soothed - it helps in making a person fall asleep. It reduces stress, enhances your self esteem, and can boost your immune system to protect you from infection. Orgasms have also been linked with improved public speaking.

When you orgasm, your brain releases opioid neurotransmitters called endorphins, which give you a feeling of physical and mental well-being.

Masturbation also helps you explore your own sexuality in ways that are sometimes impossible when you are with a partner - letting you get to know your triggers/hot spots and, for some of you, helping you learn to control your orgasms for when you are with a partner.

Now that you know how good masturbation is for you (especially if you aren't having any sex), I bet you're wondering why some people think it's wrong and just won't do it.

Masturbation has had a bad rap for centuries. In fact, even the word "masturbate" comes from the Latin "masturbari" which means: "to pollute oneself." Not a very encouraging term.

In Victorian times, children and young adolescents weren't allowed to put their hands in their pockets in case they touched themselves through the material. At bedtime, some little boys had to go to sleep with a metal band around their penis; an alarm would go off if they got hard during the night so that they could wake up and be punished.

Although those terrible times are over, when you were kids or young teens, I'm sure a few of you heard that masturbation is bad for you - it could give you pimples, make you go blind, ruin you for marital sex, or cause you to grow fur on your palms!

If you're Jewish or Christian, you may have even been told by your parents or rabbi/pastor/priest that masturbation is a sin! As "proof" they would usually bring up the story of Onan (masturbation is sometimes called "onanism") - the passage that this idea comes from is Genesis 38:8-10:

"And Judah said unto Onan. Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also."

There you go, so many years of guilty feelings about masturbation all because of a misinterpretation of that little bible passage. Many readers assumed that Onan masturbated to get rid of the magically rendered sperm and thus extrapolated that God disapproves of masturbation.

What's really going on in that passage is this: Onan's brother is dead, but God wanted a kid from Onan's brother. So god tells Onan to go marry the brother's widow (which was actually a common practice) and have sex with her - at this time, God would miraculously change Onan's sperm into his brother's sperm, so the child begotten would have the dead brother's DNA (not that they knew about DNA back then, but that's the concept they were getting at).

But Onan wasn't down with this plan - why should he squirt sperm that is not his into his new wife and then raise a kid that belongs to his brother?! Perhaps he and his brother were not very close?

However, he didn't masturbate to get rid of his brother's sperm - "he went in unto his brother's wife" - Onan still had sex with her, he just pulled out!

So really, I guess a more accurate interpretation of this passage is that: God hates it when you pull out - however, I would go on to postulate that God really only hated it when Onan pulled out .

[BUT!!! I don't recommend the withdrawal "method" over using a real form of birth control. ]

Voila! As far as I know, the only bad things that can happen to a person if they masturbate too much is: wrist or elbow strain, chaffing/temporary loss of sensitivity, stains, or loss of a social life and friends (if you spend too much time locked in your room).

And these can all remedied by taking a break from masturbating for a little while (or at least masturbating in moderation) - except for the stains, you're going to have to use detergent and water on those.

So there you go! It's safe, so be healthy and masturbate regularly - Happy Masturbation Month!