Keeping yourself clean is easier than you think

I recently received an e-mail from a reader asking if douches are a good idea to use after sex. A douche is a way of cleaning the inside of the vagina by squirting water and other fluids like vinegar or antiseptics inside to flush it out. You can find douche kits in pharmacies and many grocery stores, but really how useful are they? And should people be using them at all?

Douching has been practised for centuries; it reportedly goes back to the time of Hippocrates, when people didn’t know a whole lot about female anatomy and there weren’t many medications or antibiotics available.

Douching was done only when it was absolutely necessary to clean out the vaginal cavity. But for some reason, douching ended up becoming a fairly common practice among many groups of women.

Today about 37 per cent of women in the U.S. douche and half of these do so at least once a week.

Women use douches for various reasons. To wash away menstrual blood, to reduce perceived vaginal odours, to “feel clean” and some even use it after sex as birth control and to avoid catching an STI (sexually transmitted infection); however, a douche is not an effective contraceptive and will not protect you from infection.

Studies show that women who douche actually end up with more health problems than women who do not. For example, women who douche have greater than 73 per cent chance of getting PID, pelvic inflammatory disease, a bacterial infection in the reproductive organs.

PID can lead to infertility, problems during pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancies (where the baby starts growing in the fallopian tubes). Women who douche once a week are 83 per cent more likely to contract cervical cancer.

Women who douche regularly are also more likely to suffer vaginal irritations, bacterial infections, and are actually more at risk for catching STI’s.

In addition, using a douche after sex is actually more likely to push semen into the uterus, increasing your chances of pregnancy — so much for using it as birth control.

A douche also won’t “cure” vaginal odours, if anything it might only mask them temporarily.

A healthy vagina should have a slight musky odour — it shouldn’t smell like flowers or rain!

But if you do think that something is wrong with your smell, or if it smells fishy or pasty then you should go see your doctor.

Doctors and nurses today advise against the use of a douche, though very rarely your doctor might prescribe it to treat certain conditions.

Your vagina has a lot of important processes going on inside of it. There are friendly bacteria living in your vagina; these bacteria are very important and protect your vagina from other infections. It gives off a natural form of hydrogen peroxide, which keeps the pH of the vagina more acidic, in turn guarding you from the invasion of other, more destructive bacteria.

The friendly bacteria in your vagina also keep the yeast cells in your vagina under control. If the bacteria dies off (which can easily happen) the yeast cells can start to multiply, giving you a yeast infection.

Douching can also abrade the delicate tissue of your vagina, causing irritations and making it easier for things like infectious bacteria and STIs to get inside your bloodstream.

Your vagina doesn’t need a douche to keep itself clean; it does just fine on its own. It is constantly producing mucus and this mucus lining is constantly moving — your vagina is like an glacier. All day and night the mucus lining of your vagina slowly flows towards the outside, pulling with it anything else that might be inside: dead cells, semen, blood, and other tiny particles that may have gotten inside.

So in answer to my reader’s question: no, you should not be using a douche after sex or under any circumstance, unless your doctor prescribes it. Just let your vagina do its own thing and grab a box of tissues or a warm washcloth for cleaning up externally after sex.

Frosh Week Sex Questions

Dear Shay: Are "Blue Balls" for Real?

The Term "blue balls" refers to a vasocongestion in the testicles or vulva and is often used as an excuse to pressure a partner into having sex. However, although most people don't actually turn blue, some really do feel some pain or discomfort after sexual arousal or stimulation because blood has rushed into the testicles and penis or the vulva and has become trapped; causing an increase in pressure that can be uncomfortable.

But the person suffering from "blue balls" (or "blue vulva") doesn't need to have sex to alleviate the pressure. They can also just wait for the fluid to drain by itself or they can masturbate to orgasm. If you find yourself or your partner afflicted with this "condition" and no sexual release is available you could also try a cold compress (like a can of beer or pop) on the area.

Dear Shay: Is it true that you can tell how long a guy's penis is by looking at his hands and feet?
There is actually no scientific proof to back up this popular myth. A guy with small hands and feet is just as likely to be well endowed as the professional basketball players out there who wear size 35 shoes.

Dear Shay: What can I do to avoid condom breakage?

Now this is a situation where size really does matter; it’s very important to make sure that you have the right size condom. A condom that fits too tightly is more likely to break and a condom that is too big could slip off!

Also stay far away from any petroleum based lubricants. Besides causing all sorts of problems for a female partner, petroleum based lubricants also have a nasty habit of making a latex condom fall apart. But, do make sure that you use a lot of water based lube, especially in orifices that don’t produce their own lubrication, like the anus, this will be more comfortable and will also help keep the condom from breaking.

Dear Shay. How many times in a row is it possible for a woman to have orgasms?

According to what I was able to find in my research, the most scientifically confirmed consecutive orgasms for a female is 50. This experiment was conducted under carefully controlled conditions: there were video cameras, trained observers, and even electrodes taped to various parts of the female participant's body to verify each orgasm! After she had gone through around 30 male assistants and 50 orgasms, the experimenters felt it was time to pack up since they were running out of film and it was getting late.

This feat may have been achieved through skimming. Orgasms are usually described as the peaks of waves with the troughs as recovery periods. Women who are able to achieve multiple orgasms often skim the surface of these waves, hitting multiple peaks without needing long resting periods.

Men do not usually get to experience anything like this because, once they ejaculate and start to lose their erection, their penis will often have to go through a whole phase of relaxation, rest, and re-erection before they are ready for another orgasm.

Dear Shay: Is it true that when you're drunk, you can't cum?

Well, alcohol and some drugs sure can make getting to that point difficult! Alcohol has a bad habit of numbing the nerve endings in male and female genitals, making harder to reach orgasm, and it decreases the amount of lubrication that a woman produces, which can lead to painful dry sex, again making it harder to achieve orgasm. Alcohol also has been known to decrease your desire for sex, arousal, and satisfaction.

As a side note, being drunk can also make it very hard to properly use a condom or other barriers and can compromise the effectiveness of some oral contraceptives. Keep in mind, the best kind of sex is the kind you can remember!

How should I store/carry around my condoms?

1. Not in your pants pocket and Not at the bottom of your purse.

These are both places where your precious condoms are in danger of being bent, poked, or otherwise damaged. Ideally, the best place to store your condoms is safe and dry in their box on a shelf or in a drawer. However, it is always a good idea to have a condom on your person, because you never know what might happen, especially on bar night! You can safely carry condoms in a smaller reinforced section of a bag or purse or in a jacket lining pocket. Or get condoms that come in travel safe containers.

Remember to check your condoms every once in a while to make sure the package is intact and that it hasn't expired. Always throw out condoms if they seem dry, brittle, discoloured, or smell funnier than usual.

Anal is more than just a Stage of Development

It’s a new semester, so let’s start things off with a bang — from behind!

Many people around the world enjoy anal sex and anal play. It’s become almost a staple in many types of pornography and is generating a lot of curiosity — more and more hetero couples are realizing that straight doesn’t have to mean, “exit only.”

Anal play can be very gratifying; there is a wealth of nerve endings in and around the rectum that can send your brain pleasure signals when they are stimulated. Despite this potential for delight, however, many people are still not interested in or are afraid to try anal stimulation, often due to fears of it being messy or painful.

Anal sex should not be painful as long as everything is properly lubricated and the receiver is relaxed and prepared. Many beginners do find properly lubricated anal play uncomfortable at first, but once they learn to relax, they are more able to enjoy themselves and the discomfort fades away.

As for mess, feces (poo) isn’t stored in the rectum until just before you get rid of it, so you don’t usually have to worry about that. But if you are worried, it’s a good idea to make sure that you are getting a lot of fibre in your diet, that you have gone to the bathroom recently and perhaps take a shower before you begin.

Some people also prefer to do an enema, which involves squirting fluid into your rectum and colon, just to make doubly sure that they don’t have to worry about any mess during anal sex.

However, even after taking any or all of these measures, you should still always use a condom. Having anal sex without a condom puts you at risk for a urinary tract infection, among other more serious things. Always change condoms if you want to switch from anal play to anything else and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly. Rectum bacteria don’t belong in the vagina or mouth and can cause nasty infections if they are transported there.

You also should be aware that the same rules apply for HIV and STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) with anal sex — so don’t forget that condom! There is often more friction associated with anal sex, which can abrade the skin of a penis and the partner’s rectum, which increases the risk of STI transmission.

Ideally you should also use a rubber glove for any hand-to-anal play and use a dental dam to provide a barrier during oral-anal play. You can make a dental dam out of a condom by snipping off the tip and then cutting the side before you unroll it, or you can buy flavoured barriers from many sex-toy shops. These methods will help to keep you safe from infection.

The same rules for a penis, or your fingers, also apply to your toys. Be sure to wash toys thoroughly after they’ve been used in anal play — you may even want to put a condom over your toys.

Some toys are dishwasher safe, which is excellent because the heat from the dishwasher will kill any bacteria that may have hitched a ride on your favourite dildo or plug. Glass or Pyrex toys are a smart choice for anal play because they are not porous like other material, which makes them resistant to bacteria, and they are dishwasher safe. For non-dishwasher safe toys and especially for silicone toys, you’ll definitely want to slide a condom over them before use and use a concentrated, toy approved, cleanser before you store them.

If you are experimenting with a partner, besides protecting yourselves from infection, you’ll want to protect yourselves from injury. Anal penetration requires trust between both partners; it’s important that you go very slowly and listen to your partner to make sure that they aren’t in pain. The rectal wall curves and is fairly thin, so you’ll want to be very careful with how fast you go and with the types of objects you slide inside. The same goes for solo penetration: take it slow, breathe deep, and relax — there’s no need to push yourself too far too soon.

Using plenty of lubrication is essential. Since you’re going to be safe and will be using a condom for anal sex — and/or will be concerned about protecting your nice anal toys — you’ll want to get a good water-based lubricant. Silicone-based lubricants are also safe. Though they can degrade silicone toys, they are safe to use with condoms and are a little more viscous which can be very handy for anal sex; but petroleum based lubricants, like Vaseline, will degrade latex condoms and should be avoided. Many anal lubricants also contain a light anaesthetic to dull any initial discomfort; this can help relax you and your partner but shouldn't numb you too much.

Anal play is one area where toys can be even more important and useful than usual. Since the average anus is not used to accepting something as large as a penis or large dildo, smaller toys can be essential for “warming up” and for promoting comfort and relaxation as you explore.

It’s best to start with a finger or a small plug or probe. If you are playing with a partner, pay close attention to them the whole time, making sure that they feel comfortable.

After lubing up, slowly push the plug slightly inside the anus. Do not use force — stop immediately if your partner complains of discomfort — or if you are playing alone, stop if you feel that it’s more than you can handle or if you feel pain.

If it is difficult to enter the anus, you probably need more lubrication — be liberal with it. However, you should keep in mind that anal sex may not be for everyone, and if you or your partner feels uncomfortable, stop and consider trying again another time.

You may find that a thin probe is all you need (or feel comfortable with), or you may want to try going a little thicker, maybe working your way up to something large, like a penis or big dildo or a big plug. A toy with varying widths is perfect for those who want to explore wider objects, because they start off with a smaller diameter at the tip and increase in thickness gradually — this gives you a chance to practice and allows you to ease up to wider toys. It’s also a good idea to use toys that have a flared base or some other mechanism to prevent them from getting lodged in the rectum — saving you from an embarrassing visit to the ER.

It's a good idea to try a bunch of different toys to figure out what you like best — do you prefer the fullness of a butt plug or penis, the feeling of entry and withdrawal with anal beads or the stimulation of a vibrating toy? Most importantly, respect your body. Take it slow, don’t push your limits too hard and go only as far as you feel comfortable.