The Lovin' Blog- a side project

Form Test

2008-05-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the official information sheet for The Great S Spot Porn Experiment.

The idea of this experiment was to see if we could affect our dreams (i.e. make them sexier) by exposing our minds to sexual material (i.e. hot porn in the form of hentai, erotica, stills, video - whatever floats your boat) before going to sleep.
We also wanted to know if we would see a difference between those who enjoyed a "release" (i.e. having sex or masturbating) and those who did nothing before going to bed.

If you participated in the experiment (you still have time to start now!), please fill out the following form to the best of your ability.

[Your answers will remain as anonymous as you want them to be, so don't be shy. ^_^]

Let's start off with the basics:

What's your gender?

How old are you?

How often do you usually watch/read/view porn?

Nickname (optional)

E-mail (optional)

So, during this experiment what type of porn were you usually enjoying?

How long did you spend enjoying your porn each night?

How many nights in a row were you able to try participating in this experiment?

If you had to take breaks in between your porn experiment nights,
how many nights did you participate in total?

What did you do after viewing your "dose" of porn?
Had me a good wank
Had hot sex with a partner
Had nothing - at least until morning.
Other (well, what then? )

Did you notice any effects?
Yes
No
Not Sure

If yes, what did you experience? (sexually themed dreams? wet dreams? unusually intense morning arousal? etc) Be as explicit as you like ^_~

How many nights did you experience these effects?

When you did have sexy dreams, did they follow the same theme as the porn you were watching? (i.e. If you were looking at anal sex , did you dream about anal sex? Similarly, if you were looking at tentacle sex - did you dream about that?) Please explain:

On nights where you didn't enjoy any porn, did you notice that the content your dreams was much less sexual?
Yes
No
Not Sure

Additional Comments?

Thanks you so much for playing with us and for filling out my form! You are awesome!
Watch for a sexy summary of these results coming soon! ^_^

"I’ll have what she’s having"

2007-02-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I get a question from a reader asking how to know "for sure" that their female partner isn’t faking. It seems to be a major concern, especially among the fellas.

Luckily (or unluckily) there are a few ways to tell if your partner is really having as good a time as they say.

A man can really only fake an orgasm during penetrative sex if he doesn’t use a condom or if he disposes of it quickly, before his partner sees that it is suspiciously empty. A woman doesn’t usually have tell-tale spooge to let her partner know that she’s had an orgasm, but there are other physical cues:

The sexual flush — after an orgasm her chest, neck and/or face will blush red for a few moments.

Weak knees — for many women, after an orgasm they will sometimes find their knees weak; they may also find themselves having difficulty forming longer sentences and may prefer to just lay still and cuddle for a while.

Erect nipples — some women’s nipples will become erect during orgasm and for a little while afterwards.

Do not bother listening for loud screams. The porn industry have taught us that over-the-top orgasmic screaming isn’t necessarily an orgasm.

You could just ask her. Few women will say that they are having fun in a genuine way if they are uncomfortable and/or unhappy. If she seems honest in her reassurances, then don’t press the issue. No woman wants to be caught faking, and harassing her after sex, whether she faked or not, could result in you having fewer opportunities to harass her — if you catch my drift.

She doesn’t have to orgasm to have fun or feel good. Not all women can orgasm during sex, some of us just aren’t built to, and not all women can always make it to orgasm every single time. But if you’re listening for her cues during foreplay and sex, and you’re engaging her brain and not just her body, you can be sure that when she tells you that it was good for her too, she’s almost certainly not lying.

Another interesting question e-mailed to me not long ago had to do with something I said in my article about cat-girls in October; this reader asked: "What is the connection with milk and cum?"

Well, let’s see, your average glass of cow’s milk contains 3.4 per cent protein, 3.6 per cent fat and 4.6 per cent lactose. (Lactose is a sugar molecule, made up of two simple sugars). Milk is also full of vitamins and minerals like calcium and vitamins A, D, K and B12.

Now, your average teaspoon of semen contains four per cent sperm, 11.5 per cent prostate fluid, and 60 per cent seminal vesicle fluid. The sperms are little cells made up of a lot of different things, but most notably protein and acrosome (the enzyme used to break down the egg’s barrier). Prostate fluid contains citric acid, acid phosphatase and zinc. The fluid from the seminal vesicles contains some important fatty acids and fructose (like in a peach).

Now that you know more than you probably wanted to about the composition of milk and semen, we can see that chemically, there is a connection between cum and milk. Both contain proteins, sugars and fatty acids.

But that was a little boring, surely the people who make those "Got milk?" adverts and the people who make porn with women pouring cream over themselves didn’t decide that milk was sexy because it shares basic components with semen. Let’s think about this a different way ...

Hmmm well, milk is white and cum is kinda white. I think that’s it! Milk and cum look alike — there is a metaphorical connection between these two fluids. We’ve figured out the mystery of the milk-semen connection!

This would be different from milk fetishism — erotic pleasure from lactation, breastfeeding and suckling — because it would be more about the look of the milk on an attractive body as opposed to the act of obtaining the milk.

It’s like bukkake, just not so sticky!

Tit-Elation

2007-01-26T08:44:00.000-08:00

I like — no wait, I love my breasts! They are round and perky and squishy and soft. They make a nice cushion when I hug people and they look great under my shirts and sweaters. I check my breasts every month to make sure that there aren’t any lumps and just to say hello.

Although my breasts don’t at this point in my life, I know that they will one day swell up and lactate to feed my baby — I mean, that’s what breasts are for, technically, right? But if my breasts are just for feeding babies, why do people who find my gender sexually attractive get so excited and sometimes obsess over them?

Also, why are my breasts relatively big and round? Do they really need to be that way to feed babies? All of our primate cousins do just fine with flat breasts — humans are the only mammal with round boobs that stick out!

Luckily, I’m not the only one thinking about these titillating questions, a few scientists have been pondering the function and evolution of breasts as well and have come up with some ideas.

Breasts can tell you a lot about the woman attached to them: if they are symmetrical, you can see that she has good genetic diversity and had little exposure to disease or malnutrition when she was growing up.
Many scientists also assert that human breasts are larger because this indicates good nutrition and fertility — in fact, they swell up even more during ovulation and pregnancy — the fat in breasts is important for lactation, which is in turn important for raising healthy babies to grow up and work and marry and carry on their genes.

This goes along with the idea that straight men find women more attractive when they have a low hip to waist ratio: that is, bigger hips to indicate good health and fertility, combined with a small waist to indicate fitness and non-pregnancy (which means she’s available for impregnating) = hotness.

So, having a nice round ass should be just as important and attractive as having nice round breasts.

This is exactly what zoologist Desmond Morris thought as he watched the girls walk by in short skirts and tight tops. Unlike our flat chested primate cousins, we walk around upright all the time and one of the most popular positions we use for sex is the missionary position (man on top), where a wonderful female ass can’t be seen or enjoyed.

It occurred to Morris that the human breast may have evolved to be bigger and rounder to remind straight men of a woman’s ass when she is seen face on and, more importantly, to make them think about the fun fertile hole nearby.

This makes sense because, back when we had even more in common with our primate cousins, buttocks would have been the main sexual focus — even more so than they are today.

So perhaps it is no coincidence that human breasts are rounded like our asses— round breasts could be an erotic substitute for the round bum that you might not be able to see and enjoy when you are having a meaningful face-to-face conversation.

But wait! Anthropologist Gillian Bently disagrees. She doesn’t think that my breasts are round because they are an erotic substitute, she says that my boobs are round so that I don’t suffocate my babies when I (one day) breast feed.

As we evolved, the human brain got bigger and the human skull had to change shape to accommodate, resulting in flatter faces. Bently’s idea is that human breasts co-evolved, becoming bigger and rounder to compensate for the infants’ flatter faces, so that they could suckle without having a flat mass of flesh covering their nose and mouth.
She suggests that any sexual interest in these fancy round breasts would have been secondary to the important fuction of not suffocating babies.

Scientist and science fiction writer David Brin, has a different idea about the co-evolution of my breasts.

He diagrees with Morris about my breasts not being an erotic substitute, because there are some other species of primate who mate face to face, and they don’t have big round fun-bags.

Brin doesn’t think I need my breasts to make straight men want to have sex with me, what I need is a way to make them want to stick around and help me (and our potential children) survive.

Brin says that during the evolution of my species, my breasts and even my hourglass figure took a back seat when it came to attractiveness; the most important thing was that women retained certain “child-like” traits: soft skin, big eyes, no beard, a high voice, a thin neck, etc.

Now, humans were already holding on to some child-like traits, this was important for having a flexible brain and personality (which are also attractive), but the traits that Brin says we human females picked up were important for not just attracting a guy, but for attracting the right kind — the kind who will protect us, bring us tasty snacks, and will help us take care of the babies.

But if things had kept going along this way, with fertile women looking so young, we would have had a big problem: How were the healthy straight men supposed to be able to tell who was old enough for sex?
Enter the bigger, rounder breasts; yes, boobs to the rescue.

Along with some other traits, like my hourglass figure, my round bazooms— even if they aren’t as big as some - give you a big, bright, flashing sign telling you that I am past puberty and physically ready to have sex and (one day) make babies.
Brin says that this is why I have boobs — so that I can have my youthful traits but still obviously display my adultness.

So let’s recap here; we’ve learned that it’s not so weird for straight men to sometimes get so excited about breasts — that’s how they know that a woman is, well, a woman and not a child. Boobs are also interesting because they can also show how healthy a woman is and how healthy she has been.
We’ve also heard two different ideas about why breasts are so nice and round: the erotic substitute theory and the anti-suffocation device theory. There surely isn’t just one reason why my breasts are they way they are; so it’s possible that, even though these three scientists kinda disagree, all of their theories, in concert, could have played a part in the evolution of my breasts.

Cumming up a little short

2007-01-20T12:53:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I get some really interesting questions from my readers. Here are a couple that I have received recently:

This first question was from a reader who had had a very busy evening. Just to lay it out for you, first he masturbated in the shower and shortly after met up with a female partner who began to pleasure him orally in preparation for sex. However, after two failed attempts at putting on a condom — he couldn’t maintain an erection with a rubber — they gave up and had sex without a condom.

"We had sex for a good 45 minutes or so due to my not being able to produce any cum. I did not cum at any point with her." He wondered what the chances were that there was still semen inside his penis, which could cause her to become pregnant.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite given enough information to really calculate the exact percentage chance that this gentleman had enough semen left in his penis to get his partner pregnant. However, I can say that yes, there is a chance that his partner could get pregnant from what he described.

When he masturbated to orgasm in the shower he would have ejaculated the majority of his sperm, but not 100 per cent of it — some would still have been caught up in his urethra or further back in his plumbing. Usually this isn’t a big deal as the sperm would have come out on their own eventually or would have been re-absorbed into the body over time. But in this case, he ended up having sex pretty soon after ejaculating.

It’s entirely possible that some of the left-over sperm ended up in his partner’s mouth when she was giving him head, but there is still a chance that some was left to make it into her vagina with his pre-cum when they started having sex.  So it’s a small chance, but still a chance.

This couple’s first mistake was giving up on using a condom; condoms are 98 per cent effective at preventing pregnancy and around 70-85 per cent effective at preventing sexually transmitted infections, when used correctly.

This couple’s second mistake was not having a secondary form of birth control as a back-up for when they couldn’t get a condom on and/or in case the condom had broken.

A good back-up would be something like her being on the pill, wearing an IUD, using a diaphragm or using a female condom. At the very least they could have liberally applied some spermicidal gel or foam, this is less effective than condoms and can cause irritation, but is more effective than nothing. However, none of these methods, except the female condom, would have protected them from STI’s.

Another thing: it’s not uncommon for some guys to have trouble staying hard when they try to get a condom on, but it just takes practise and/or a little extra effort to get rid of this problem.

Try putting a condom on by yourself; make sure that you use the proper sized condom. Then try using a condom when you’re masturbating. Jerking off while you wear it will help you get used to wearing a condom and, who knows, maybe you’ll really like the experience. Try, in the heat of the moment, having your partner put the condom on you with her mouth, that way you don’t really have to stop the fun to put it on.

This next question is from a woman who used to masturbate when she was younger but stopped and now wants to start up again. "I would love to reach climax; I just really don’t want to break my hymen, how do I achieve this?"

Firstly, there are some things everyone should know about hymens. If you’re worrying about preserving your hymen to prove your virginity, don’t bother: you might not even have one, it might have been "broken" already from non-sexual activities, or it might not even “break” when you do have sex for the first time. A hymen isn’t how someone is going to be able to tell that you are a virgin.

Hymens are a bit of a medical mystery; not all women are born with a hymen, and between the time that a girl is old enough for school and until she reaches puberty, her hymen will be quite thin and delicate. This is because she is not producing as much estrogen. At this time it is thought to be possible for the hymen to be broken by something as simple as horseback riding, gymnastics or strenuous exercise.

After puberty the hymen, if present, thickens and changes shape. Instead of covering the whole entrance, it now forms a little crescent near the bottom that is pretty much indistinguishable from the other folds in a vagina. A woman’s hymen is pretty out of the way; this is why a normal hymen isn’t damaged by using tampons — in fact, for many women, even having sex doesn’t disturb their hymen at all!

Since this reader is well past puberty, her hymen (if she has one) should be thick and able to handle masturbation just fine — so long as she isn’t planning on shoving gigantic dildos or big zucchinis inside herself.

As for actually how to bring oneself to climax, well that’s a little more complicated and something that one has to explore on their own. Every woman is built differently and is going to respond to different types of stimulation.

For many, the most sure-fire way to climax involves clitoral, not vaginal, stimulation. There are many ways to play with a clit: rub it through the hood covering it, lick your fingers or use vaginal juices to lubricate your finger while you rub it or lay on your stomach and press your palm or the heel of your hand against your clit. You could even try rubbing it on things.

There’s no "best way" or “most appropriate way” when it comes to masturbation, there is only the way that works best for you.

Cock is always hotter with a little heavy metal

2007-01-13T13:05:00.000-08:00

It’s practically a tradition for university students to celebrate their new-found independence by getting a tattoo or piercing, but instead of getting a boring old navel or ear piercing, you could consider doing something a little more exciting: piercing your naughty bits!

Genital piercing is practised all over the world and some forms have been around for centuries; some come from traditional tribal initiation rites in the days before metal needles, where sharp bamboo was used instead. Today you can safely get almost any type of genital piercing you might want, with reputable body piercers using sterile, super-sharp needles. The only caveat is that you might have to wait a few months before you can have sex again.

But pish tosh, what’s a few months of waiting compared to years of pleasure and the looks on your friends’ and dates’ faces when you tell them about and/or show them your new piercing?

Convinced? Now we just have to figure out which piercing is right for you. There are many of different kinds (especially if you happen to have a penis); some piercings are more painful, some heal faster and some are said to be more pleasurable for a partner.

The "Prince Albert" is supposed to have gotten its name from Queen Victoria’s partner, who was rumoured to have had this piercing as part of a fashion trend of the time. Allegedly, many aristocratic men in the 18th century were getting this piercing done so that they could hook their penis to one side, to prevent it from causing an unsightly bulge in their tight pants — which were also fashionable at the time.

The Prince Albert piercing is done by making a hole and threading a ring or barbell through the urethra to the underside of the penis. A hole is made in the urethra from near the fraenulum, the small bridge of skin at the edge of the glans (the "head"). An open ring is passed through the “eye” of the urethra at the tip of the penis and comes out this hole. This piercing is supposed to provide greater stimulation for the person wearing it during sex, but you may also have to deal with fluids dribbling out of the piercing while you urinate.

If making a new exit for your urethra sounds a little too extreme for you, there’s always the frenulum piercing. This is another very popular male piercing. The frenulum is the small ridge of flesh joining the foreskin to the glans of the penis, often this ridge remains after circumcision. This is probably the safest and easiest genital piercing a man can get because it’s external and heals very quickly. A frenulum piercing is meant to be pleasurable for both the bearer and anyone he has sex with, or it can also be incorporated into chastity devices.

If you are uncircumcised, you could get your foreskin pierced. This type of piercing is said to be at least as ancient as the tradition of circumcision; it is thought to have been common among the Ancient Greeks. Again, today this piercing is popular because it is supposed to enhance pleasure for both partners during sex.

Did the Prince Albert sound too tame for you? Well there are other piercings that involve your glans. Piercing the glans of the penis for the insertion of jewellery has been popular since antiquity; it’s even mentioned in the Kama Sutra (700 CE).

The palang or ampallang is a glans piercing that passes horizontally through, or above, the urethra. Piercing the glans horizontally above the urethra was common practice for adults among many Polynesian tribes and was greatly prized by the wives of the men who had it done. As you may have guessed, this piercing is meant to provide extra pleasure for the male’s partner during sex, but it can be extremely pleasurable for the bearer as well.

Still need to kick it up another notch? The apadravya piercing is the glans piercing mentioned in the Kama Sutra and it is done vertically through the glans; it does not have to pass through the urethra, but it usually does. This is one of the most intense — read: painful — piercings that you can get, but the passage in the Kama Sutra claims that "true" sexual pleasure cannot be reached without it. It certainly should provide pleasure for a female partner during vaginal sex; many of the nerves in a vagina, like at the G-spot, are located at the top/roof and this piercing can provide a little extra stimulation to this area.

Feeling left out because you don’t have a penis? No worries ladies, there are lots of things you can pierce too! Getting your inner and/or outer labia pierced is similar to getting your ears pierced (except lower) and could be a "new" way for you to decorate and get to know your vagina.

The clitoris itself can be pierced, but this is less common because a clitoris has to be fairly large and developed for it to be pierced. It’s much more popular and much less dangerous for the clitoral hood to be pierced.

Even though it is largely responsible for the female orgasm, the little clitoris is often neglected during sex and sexual play; it hides, forgotten, under its hood, but a clitoral hood piercing can bring an end to this neglect, and can be intensely pleasurable for the wearer. The hood can be pierced either horizontally or vertically — vertical is most common — with a ring, a J-bar or a barbell; the inside ball of a barbell should be placed directly over the clitoris to create the extra stimulation it is famous for.

It’s your choice whether you want to get a piercing or not, but if you decide that this is something you’d like to try, make sure you are aware of the risks, choose a reputable piercing place with experienced staff and take care of your piercing so it can heal properly and won’t catch on your clothing or tear your skin. Your genitals are sensitive and full of nerves; with every piercing through erectile tissue — like in a penis or clitoris — you run the risk of hitting these important nerves and damaging your sexual function permanently. Still, even with the slight danger, maybe you are one of the many people who feel that it’s worth the risk.

Back!!!

2007-01-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

My column is back in the paper for another term,
so you can expect to find a new* post here every week once more!

*[new as in what I had printed in the paper]

Hurray!!!

Gifts for Those "Hard" to Buy For

2006-12-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

Picture this: it’s Christmas morning and your family is gathered around your Christmas tree (or menorah, or Kinara, or the table for Eid). Your family gleefully begins unwrapping presents — but not you — no, you’re waiting for them to open the gifts that you picked out for them.

First, your younger brother, the fastest to unwrap his gifts, he jumps for joy when he sees the porn DVDs that you got him. Then you spot your sister, at first she looks confused, but then holds up her waterproof vibrating bullet with an exuberant smile of gratitude. Next it’s your father, who squeals with delight as he discovers the shiny black prostate massager you picked out for him. And finally you see your mother share a look of excitement with your father as she shows him your gift to her, a rabbit vibrator with a strap-on harness.

Sex toys can make great holiday gifts. They are fun, functional, personal and they are truly a gift that keeps on giving — at least until the motor breaks down.

However, I understand that as a student on a budget, sometimes it’s hard for you to figure out which toys are the best value for your hard earned money. That is why I hit our local Stag Shop to check out what toys will give you the best "bang" for your buck.

There are a lot of options out there to fulfill your sex toy needs: in fact, there are so many that sometimes things can get a little confusing. Here's where I come in.

Chosing a vibe can be really confusing when you don't know what they do:
Bullet vibes and mini vibes have virtually the same purpose; they are usually used for clitoral stimulation and sometimes for nipple or anal stimulation. They are both easy to manipulate and come in both the waterproof and non-waterproofed varieties. However, a bullet can be harder to hold because it’s rounded and the whole thing vibrates, whereas a mini vibe has a grip. A bullet is designed for insertions, or dipping, while mini vibes are not always meant for that. On the other hand, there’s no real difference if it’s only going to be used as a clit stimulator. When it comes to choosing between a mini vibe, like the Pocket Rocket and a bullet vibe, you have to think about what you or the person you’re buying for would prefer.

A standard vibrator is larger and is meant for some insertion, along with external stimulation. And while hard plastic vibrators are usually cheaper, the more expensive silicone vibrators are generally more comfortable to use. Silicone toys are also usually hypoallergenic, this could be the perfect gift idea for your favourite latex-allergic roommate.

Rabbit vibes are expensive. In case you’ve never heard of them, these vibrators are called "rabbit" because they consist of a longer phallic shaft, with a small clit stimulator — which is often shaped like a rabbit — mounted near the base. Generally the shaft vibrates and rotates, while the clit stimulator vibrates. Things get expensive when the toy includes things like rotating beads in the shaft, bi-directional rotation of the shaft and multi-speed vibrations. While a rabbit vibe might be out of your price range this year, it’s something to keep in mind for that special someone someday.

Cock rings can make excellent stocking stuffers; they are small, not too expensive and come in a variety of materials and styles. However, for a beginner, I suggest a softer ring, like the silicone ring mentioned in my table. Using a softer ring will still be stimulating, but there is less risk of compression injuries and it’s easier to find the perfect fit.

Buying a masturbator for your little brother, might seem a little weird at first, but think about it: you’re providing him with hand-held safe sex — minus the relationship. Masturbators are pretty simple — the price generally has to do with the material and the detail. You'll want to look for one made with U3, a good quality sex toy material that is super soft and smooshy.

Perhaps an anal stimulator isn’t something you would want to give to everyone on your holiday shopping list, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind. The most important thing when shopping for an anal toy is to get something with a flared base or something else that will ensure that your favourite aunt doesn’t lose her new butt plug inside of her. When you're picking out anal beads, get ones that have a big ring at the end that one can use to help pull the beads out. The Aneros is a more expensive toy, but it is an excellent male prostate massager.

Whether you’re looking for the perfect gift for a lover, a roommate, a favourite sibling or just a little something for yourself, sex toys can make a great "I didn’t know what to get you" gift, or a “hey, let’s have sex” gift, or even a “here’s something to help you chill out” gift. Just picture the happy look on your Secret Santa’s face when they unwrap the beautiful anal beads that you picked out just for them.

Protect Yourself From Bad Information

2006-11-28T10:33:00.000-08:00

I’m a sceptical person. I’d just like to lay that out for you right now, I’m sceptical and I know it. I’m especially sceptical when someone is trying to sell me something. As you read below, I recently covered a sex toy workshop led by a sales rep from Fantasia. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a fun time and I’m not saying that it wasn't a great idea from the Womyn’s Center – it was a fun idea for sexual awareness and fundraising.

And it’s not like the sale’s rep could have known that her audience wasn’t completely made up of naïve university students; but, as a rep for a company that touts itself as a provider of sex education for women since 1980, she needs to get her facts straight before she allows the infection of bad sex information to spread any further.

Think of this column as a bit of an inoculation.

Firstly, Anal Sex: you may have read my article on anal sex at the beginning of this semester, but in case you don’t remember it very well, here is a refresher:

Anal penetration is tricky. You have to be careful when engaging in anal play, because it’s very easy to hurt yourself. In fact, if it hurts, you need to STOP, because you are doing something wrong.

So, when someone suggests that women (or men) should use a numbing gel on their anus to ease anal sex, some of us have trouble restraining ourselves from jumping up in the middle of the multipurpose room and shouting “Gah! No!”

The wall of the anus has a different bend than the vagina and just isn’t as durable. If you press too hard in the wrong direction you risk tearing the wall of the anus. And if your anus wall has been numbed too much, how are you going to know that there is a problem?

Sometimes anal sex can hurt because you aren’t relaxed enough. As Paul Joannides mentions in his book, The Guide to Getting it On, your bum has two sets of sphincter muscles that relax and tighten, depending on whether you are trying to go to the bathroom or hold it in. One set of these muscles you can control and the other you can’t.

So, to enjoy comfortable anal penetration, you first need to train these muscles to relax when you want to insert something. This involves a lot of trust, relaxation, practice, and lube – trying to numb the area might do something to help relax you, since you won’t be so scared, but it won’t force the muscles to relax. You could end hurting these muscles if you catch them by surprise or try to rush things – just because you can’t feel them clenching, doesn’t mean that they aren’t still there.

Another reason why anal sex might be painful is because you aren’t using enough lube. I don’t want to sound too Sue Johnanson here by shouting “MORE LUBE” at the top of my lungs, but seriously folks, you can’t have anal sex without lube – if it hurts, most likely it’s because you aren’t using enough. Although the numbing gel will technically help lubricate your anus, you’re better of grabbing a nice big bottle of KY.

You should stop and figure out why anal penetration is hurting you before you continue; not just numb everything with whatever gel someone is trying to sell you. Remember: Stop, Think, then Go.

I also want to mention how irresponsible I feel it is for companies to promise orgasms to every woman, so long as they buy the particular product, or combination of products that the company is offering. For example, the g-spot kit, which includes a finger mounted stimulator and some magical g-spot lotion that will supposedly give you not only a g-spot orgasm but, according to this sale rep, will make you ejaculate. Remember when I said I was a sceptical person?

This is quite a hefty claim, considering that not every woman can ejaculate, not every woman enjoys g-spot stimulation, and that there is mounting evidence suggesting that not every woman has a g-spot!
But, perhaps this is a topic for another day.

Shay Out

Sex Toy Workshop on Campus a Success

2006-11-24T12:18:00.000-08:00

If you happened to walk past the Multipurpose Room on the evening of November 21, you may have been treated to the sounds of little motors grinding, relaxed laughter and strange, almost sexual shouting.

As part of Love Your Body Week, the Womyn’s Centre put on a Fantasia party in an effort to raise awareness about sexual health. Positive attitudes about sexuality are a big part of loving your body and so the organizers felt that a sex toy workshop seemed fitting.

In addition, 10 per cent of the profits from this event went to support a local women’s shelter. Not only did this event promote sexual health for students but it also helped to bring a measure of mental and physical health to women in our community.

Fantasia is a sex toy distributor whose agents organize home parties to sell sex toys — similar to the Tupperware parties that your mom or grandmother used to have. But instead of discovering new ways to store your leftovers, attendees learn about new ways to orgasm using a variety of sex products.

Sales consultant Charlotte Loke quickly put the room of 50 or more students at ease with her casual style and imitations of what a properly stimulated clitoris might sound like. I was very impressed with the large group of women ( and the eight men), often at events like this people are uncomfortable, but I did not hear any nervous giggles. Everyone seemed to be listening intently to Loke’s enthusiastic sales pitch and laughing at all of her jokes about neglected clitorises and products that would provide "a party in your panties."

Loke placed an emphasis on women and their bodies, rather than on couples or "man-pleasing," which was refreshing. She talked about the importance of foreplay for female arousal — how it prepares the vagina for pleasurable, non-painful sex — and offered many products that would help encourage blood flow to important areas, like the clitoris.

Not only did Loke carefully go over all kinds of ways that some toys could be used to achieve orgasm — like the Dolfinger, a jelly finger-mounted vibrator, which can be mounted on fingers, a penis or even another toy — but she also presented us with some unusual uses for some sex toys. For example, even I never thought of using a rabbit vibrator as a hand massager to relieve writer’s cramp!

Loke emphasized that women can’t just wait around for someone to give them an orgasm, like some sort of party favour; they have to go out and get one on their own. And knowing how to give yourself an orgasm makes it easier for you to teach someone else how to give you one too.

This ties in very well with the theme of Love Your Body Week — loving yourself, literally, is very important for your physical, mental, and sexual health.

[But wait! That not all, don't forget to read my other post about this event!]

From couch groping to hot sex in the bedroom

2006-11-20T14:41:00.000-08:00

So you’ve been dating for a while and things seem to be going really well. Now comes one of the trickiest parts of the relationship: making "The Move." That is, making the move towards the bedroom for the first time you have sex with a new partner.

Whether you’re a virgin or not, making "The Move" for the first time with someone can seem like a huge deal, . That's why both men and women often try to plan out “The Move” in meticulous detail, but sometimes all that worrying and planning can just end up making it that much more difficult and awkward.

When you know that you are both ready and that you both want to take your relationship further, it’s best to just let things take their natural course. You certainly don’t want to rush into things too soon.

I know it seems weird for your sex columnist to say something like that, but it’s true: when it’s the right time you both should know it and you won’t have to think about "The Move" — it will just happen.

If you’re obsessing over planning how, when and where to make "The Move," then you might not be ready. It might be a better idea to take things more slowly; you’ll want to savour each moment during each sexual and not-so-sexual experience with your partner.

When I was a young teen my dad explained to me that romantic relationships go through a series of stages: the holding hands stage, the kissing stage, the making out stage, the heavy petting stage, the sex stage, and so on

After that, he told me, there aren’t many more steps, so it's more important to make sure that you make the most of each step that you do take, instead of trying to hurry right to the next one.

But I’m sure you don’t really need my "sex-ed" type lecture.

What you’re looking for are tips for knowing when it’s time to make "The Move" and possibly how to do it.

For most people, typically the best approach with a new partner is not to say something like "so, after this let’s go upstairs for sex, okay?" At least, not until you are actually having sex together regularly and you know that they’ll find that kind of thing cute.

I’m a big fan of communication in relationships because it clears up assumptions and expectations and keeps us from screwing things up too badly.

So, you might want to simply ask your partner if they are ready to get sexually intimate with you.

Ask them "Do you feel ready to have sex with me?" “Should we have sex tonight?” “How would you feel about me fucking your brains out for the next three hours?” — something like that. Hopefully they will give you an honest answer and you can progress from there.

But there are other subtle and not so subtle ways to let a new partner know that you want to take it from making out on the couch to full-on sex in the bedroom.

Try some touching, try some unbuttoning, try some whispers "Oh, you look so hot tonight," “Oh I’m so excited,” try some slipping of hands into undergarments — pretty much try things to let your partner know how interested in sex you are and monitor their responses.

I would like to emphasize here that monitoring your partner’s responses is key. Recognising and being sensitive to when they aren’t interested or ready for the next level can make all the difference between keeping a relationship going or being charged with sexual assault.

You’re just trying to let your partner know that you’re ready, not trying to force them into anything they aren’t ready for.

If your partner pushes your hand away as you slide it up her skirt or down his pants, then they are probably not ready. If they grab your hand and guide it further towards whatever you were groping for, then they might be interested and you should try more.

But remember that "no" still means “no,” no matter how far your partner lets you take things before they say it. And keep in mind that if things do go well you may just flow smoothly into sex right there on the couch, so make sure you have condoms ready!

Or, if you really had your heart set on taking it to the bedroom, one of the best times to suggest it is when you are both trying not to fall off the couch as your making out gets more physical.

Even if your partner isn’t ready that night, all is not lost. If they are a healthy individual, they will be ready at some point — you just have to be patient. Who knows, maybe they are just waiting demurely for you to ask and if you’re lucky, they might even make "The Move" for you.

Interview with Seka, a Porn Legend

2006-11-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

Seka is a retired now, but in her prime she was a very active and very well known porn star. She first started here career in 1978 at age 24. Between 1978 and 1993 she appeared in 184 films and even directed two! She did everything from sex with other women, anal sex, masturbating/sex with toys, and even double penetration. She's arguably the most famous porn star of the 80's.

During her prime her stats were:

Measurements: 39-23-34
Height: 5 ft 8 in (1.73 m)
Weight: 118 lb (54 kg)
Hair color: Platinum blonde (dyed)
Birthdate: April 15, 1954
Orientation: Bisexual

Although she's retired, Seka still keeps herself very busy with public appearances, running her fan club and website, etc. I was lucky enough to catch her in her booth at The Everything to Do With Sex Show in Toronto for a brief interview:

Me: I know you're really busy here, so lets jump right into the questions. You went far in the porn industry without getting a boob job, so what are your feelings about fake breasts?.

Seka: I feel that getting a boob job is fine, it's a good self-esteem boost for women who might need it. However, if you have it done for your career you won't find it as fulfilling.

Me: When did you get yours done and why?

Seka: I didn't get my breasts done until later in my career, when I was getting old, to keep them from drooping. *wink*

Me: What are your thoughts on condom use in pornography?

Seka: I think that condoms are extremely important for the safety of the actors! One of the reasons why I stopped performing was because the studios were not demanding condom use in their films and weren't demanding that their actors all be tested. I liked waking up alive, so I quit.

Me: I know that one of the many reasons you were popular is because you frequently shaved off your pubic hair. You were doing it well before it was popular in the states, so what made you decide to start?

Seka: *laughing* A director just asked me to shave for his film, I said "sure" and never looked back.

Me: You're still making a good living off of films and pictures that were done many years ago. How do you feel about having achieved this sort of immortality through the media?

Seka: I feel that it's quite an honour.

Me: What advice would you give to a young woman just getting into the porn industry?

Seka: My first piece of advice is to demand testing and demand condoms. And get an education for afterwards - you can't make a living in front of the camera forever in this business.

Me: Well, that's it. Thank you so much for your time Seka.

Seka: You're welcome!

Seka then left me to get back to her lineup of fans, but not before making sure that I got an autographed photo of her (pictured above). ^_^

Home-Made Sex Toys

2006-11-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

We’re over half-way through the semester now. This means that a lot of you, especially those of you who are away from lovers, are probably starting to get a little antsy by now.

Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed about — you’re all adults. Adults who have needs and desires, not to mention all the tension and stress from your busy schedules and course work that needs to be relieved somehow.

It’s no wonder that you start eyeing your roommate’s new vibrating toothbrush when you get up in the middle of the night to take a short break from working on that assignment.

You have needs that sometimes your hand just can’t fulfill and we all know that the average high-quality sex toy doesn’t always fit into a starving student’s budget.

Heck, a rabbit vibrator like the one from Sex and the City can cost you anywhere from $50 to $160!

But not to worry, dear reader, your very own sex columnist is on the case! I have developed a fabulous list of great ways that you can satisfy those carnal urges using everyday items from your very own home:

For myreaders with a penis, you could try slipping a condom into an empty toilet paper tube or into half of a paper towel tube. Then fold the open end of the condom open over one end of the tube and hold it down with your hand. Lube up, slide in and pump.

You can get free condoms from Health Services and everyone has empty toilet paper tubes, so this is a pretty cheap method.

You could also try this: squirt a bunch of lube into a plastic bag and then smush it between your couch cushions or between your mattress and your box-spring. The tricky part here will be not getting any of the lube on the furniture. Once you have the lube baggy in position, just insert and "go to town."

What about grabbing a couple of small, clean sponges, wet them with warm water, squeeze them out and line them up in a plastic cup. Squirt in some lube, rub some lube on yourself and... well, you know the rest.

Or how about this: warm a cantaloupe or some other small melon on the counter in the sunshine or carefully in the microwave. Cut a hole around the same diameter as your penis on one side and scoop out a little of the melon goo, then cut a smaller hole on the opposite side of the first hole.

Lube up, insert penis and experiment with covering and uncovering the smaller hole as you stroke in and out.

Or you could grab that vibrating toothbrush and try rubbing the back of it — the non-bristled side — below the head of your penis.

Don't have a penis? No problem! I’ve got inexpensive tips for you too.

The next time you’re at the grocery store, buy yourself a nice firm fruit or veggie: an unripe banana, a cucumber, a zucchini, etc. When you get home, decide if you want to use it warm or cold.

Some people like the coldness of a previously refrigerated cucumber, while others prefer to warm theirs up for a few seconds in the microwave. Then slip it into a condom, tie off the end, insert and enjoy.

The benefit of using food items like these is that you can peel and eat them afterwards — it’s very environmentally friendly!

Of course, if you find the idea of playing with your food unappetising, you could try using other items from around your house.

Things like thick highlighters, the handle of a hairbrush, your toothbrush carrying case, the handle of your squash raquet, etc, could be the just thing to help you through a nice refreshing study break. Just avoid using items that are sharp, contain harmful chemicals (like C batteries) or are breakable (like a perfume bottle). And when in doubt, use a condom to make sure that everything is nice and clean when you use it.

For a variation on the above, try cutting your cucumber in half and hollowing it out a bit or use your empty toothbrush holder — put an electric toothbrush in the open end and use this contraption as if it were a regular vibrator.

Whatever your pleasure, remember to wash anything thoroughly before you insert!

If you’re just looking for some external stimulation, forget about using the other props and just rub the back of the vibrating toothbrush on your clit.

If you don’t have a vibrating toothbrush you could try using something else, like a small container to massage your vulva. Or you could try using a towel, sheet, or blanket — hold one end of the blanket between your feet and the other in your hands. Then rock your pelvis to rub your vulva on the fabric — instant and inexpensive pleasure.

Hopefully these tips will help to get you through the rest of this semester. Though, if you want to stay on good terms with your roommate, it might be a good idea to invest in your own vibrating toothbrush — or at least don’t tell them what their toothbrush gets up to in the middle of the night. ^_~

Interview with Rubberella

2006-11-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

I had a chance to interview Rubberella near the dungeon area of the Everything to Do with Sex show a couple of weeks ago.

The dungeon area of the sex show was not very big; it was off to the side and mostly curtained off in black with a sign informing us that photography was prohibited in this area.

Inside, we saw a variety of floggers, ropes and other bondage equipment. We even caught a glimpse of a woman being tied up in an elaborate rope corset

I first spotted Rubberella on The Dungeon Stage (where photography was permitted with permission) giving a demonstration about the joys of wearing latex.

Rubberella is a fetish model who enjoys wearing latex outfits, like her cat-suit and torpedo boob suit. She describes her sexy skin-tight costumes as "a bit Sci-Fi and a bit sexual". And not only does she wear latex costumes, but she also has "regular-looking" clothes made out of latex, like the one she was wearing to The Sex show.

To get into her tight latex outfits, Rubberella has to lube up her body with water or silicone based lubricant and then rubs another type of coating on the outside to keep her latex looking shiny and to keep it from sticking.

Stats:
Birthdate: 7-1-1970
Eye color: Blue
Shoe Size:9.5
Piercing: nose, upper gum, belly button and genitals
Height: 5 feet 10 inches
Weight: 130
Measurements: 34 26 36 inches

Because her site has some pretty intense photos, Rubberella was actually the person I was most nervous about interviewing that day. I decided to volunteer to try on a pair of latex gloves during her latex demonstration (Latex: Beyond The Condom), to get to know her a bit casually before I tried to interview her and so that I could see how it feels to wear a little latex.

After dutifully rubbing the lube all over my hands and slipping on the gloves I could totally understand why Rubberella loves wearing latex so much - it felt really slippery and sexy and fun!

Having a tiny taste of her lifestyle made me feel much more ready to meet her at her booth for an interview.

Me: What is it like wearing full latex outfits all day?

Rubberella: It's very sensual; the latex is tight and I love how it feels squeezing my body. I also find that the latex heightens sensations, so rubbing even just your hands together when you are wearing latex gloves feels much sexier than without. But it is also very hot wearing whole outfits made out of latex; I'm pretty much sweating lightly the whole time.

[At this point she rolled up her sleeve to show me, and I could see the sheen of sweat on her forearm.]

Me: What do you look forward to after doing a long photo-shoot or a show like this?

Rubberella: (Laughs) A nice long, hot bath.

Me: You wear a lot of different costumes for your photo-shoots, which one is your favourite?

Rubberella: My torpedo boob costume; I use condoms inflated with air to create incredibly huge breasts to wear under the bodysuit. It's part of that character and makes me feel even more like a super-heroine. It is a very fun costume to wear!

Me: Do you find that you bump into a lot of things when you wear that costume?

Rubberella: Yes! It's hard to get used to suddenly have gigantic breasts, so I do sometimes bump into things when I am backstage.

Me: Would you consider yourself a Domme or a Switch?

Rubberella: A switch.

Me: Who make better "victims", men or women?

Rubberella: I prefer women because we seem to enjoy latex play more; women are more sensual. I also prefer to use women models in my photo-shoots because I am more attracted to women.

Me: You have tattoos of two angels on your back, do these mean anything special for you?

Rubberella: I got those two after going through a difficult time in my life - they represent guardian angels who take care of me.

Me: How did you first get into experimenting with breath play?

Rubberella: It was introduced to me by other Doms. I was attracted to breath play because of the trust required by the sub - it takes a lot to trust someone enough to let them control your breathing and that trust is very sexy to me.

Me: Back to the latex - How often do you find yourself wearing it?

Rubberella: When I first got into it, I used to wear at least one piece of latex at all times, even if it was just a latex bra or panties under my clothes. But now that I am wearing it all the time for work, I tend not to wear it as often during my "off hours".

Me: That's all the questions I have, thank you very much for your time.

Rubberella: You're very welcome!

Although she was the person I was most nervous about interviewing before I got to The Sex Show, Rubberella turned out to be my favourite interview of the day! She was very nice and seemed like a very cool and intelligent person. Thank you again to "Rubberella" for taking to time to give me such a great interview and for posing for pictures with me.

Sugasm #53

2006-11-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

The best of the sex blogs this week by the bloggers who blog them. Spotlighting the top 3 posts voted by Sugasmer participants. Want in Sugasm #54? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
PUMPkin Carving - Not Just For Kids! (http://shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)
“Just carve a vaginal plug and a clit stimulator into the side of your pumpkin and rub your way to Halloween ecstasy.”

Dildo Dinner (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)
“Check to see if dildos are cooking up properly.”

A Role Play Confession for Halloween… (http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com)
“Her soft tongue danced around my thickness.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Our fearless leader is up to his armpits looking at porn. Until he returns I present some retro Sugar.
How to Date a Porn Star in Eleven Easy Steps (http://sugarbank.com)

Editors’ Choice
A little story about something called 2257 (http://principalquattrano.com/blog)

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Hair Expectations Raise Prickly Questions

2006-11-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

Pubic hair grooming seems to be quite a tricky issue for a lot of people. Last semester I gave you some tips for grooming your groin and since then I’ve received many questions about grooming etiquette.

One reader wondered how to broach the subject of shaving with their partner of about one year, who used to practice shaving but now lets things grow wild. This is a tricky situation indeed — depending on your partner and your relationship.

For some couples, it isn’t a problem if one partner wants to try something new or wants their partner to do something different; they can ask without worry because they know that their partner will not be offended.

But it sounds like this reader might be worried about his partner’s ability to handle (or perhaps even recognize) constructive criticism or suggestions about their appearance.

Some of us can get a little sensitive about our appearance — as if our partner asking for a change means that there is something wrong with us or that we have failed in some way. Of course, this is silly.

A good way to bring up this topic is delicately. You need to let your partner know that you still think they are sexy but that you wish they’d start shaving/waxing again because it was a nice treat.

Contrary to what some people might say, I don’t think it's wrong to want them to groom again. It’s just pubic hair — people don’t usually flip out if you tell them that you liked how their hair was cut last year or that you think they would look better with longer or shorter hair. In fact, it’s not that different from asking your girlfriend if she would start wearing lacy lingerie more often.

There are a few different ways to approach this issue with a partner:

“Hunny, how come you don’t trim your fur anymore? I really liked how it looked — it was really hot!”

You could also try: “Hey sweetie, look at this picture I found online/in my e-mail from [insert crazy friend’s name here].” Yours looked like this when we first started dating — man, that was so awesome!” This is known as the “hint, hint” approach.

Another approach could be to groom yourself — your partner might notice the change and be inspired to follow your example or they might ask you about it and you can respond with, “I was thinking about how much I liked it when you used to shave/wax and decided to do a little grooming myself for you.”

You could even give your partner a gift certificate for a bikini or Brazilian wax as a gift.

It’s not wrong to ask your partner to try something different or to bring back an old favourite — but it wouldn’t be right to pressure them or make them feel guilty.

Maybe they’ve started taking you for granted and being reminded about how hot you think they look a certain way might remind them of how hot you both are for each other.

Some people have equated pubic grooming (shaving, waxing, etc) to labial and other genital cosmetic surgery, but that’s like equating a new haircut with a facelift or nose job! It’s just hair — being two or three feet lower on your body shouldn’t make it taboo.

Another nice thing about it just being hair is that it grows back. You can trim or wax or shave it any way you like and when it grows back you can try something different or let it go wild.

But if you are going to let it go wild, please keep in mind a lover who might want to go down on you without having to bring along a comb.

Another reader wrote in with a question about new partners' expectations for grooming; are they going to expect pornstar-bare or is a nice trim good enough?

Personally, I think that trimming or shaving one’s pubic hair should be about personal comfort. But when you’re looking around for examples of what other people do and what potential lovers might expect, I can see how things can get a little hairy.

In mainstream porn, it’s true that the majority of women seem to be either totally shaved or only have a tiny landing strip, but porn stars keep themselves groomed like this for two main reasons.

One reason is that they are being paid to have sex and the people paying them to have sex want to be able to see everything. Hair is removed so that the viewer can see exactly what’s going on, which is sometimes just a lot of red bumps from ingrown hairs.

The other reason is that the makers of porn are trying to cater to what they think the average viewer wants and apparently they think that the average viewer wants to see their porn people clean-shaven.

Which now raises the question, if these “average viewers” do want this, how many now only want it because that’s what they’ve always seen in porn? And this leads into my reader's question — if your future lover has been watching a lot of porn, are they going to be expecting you to be clean shaven as well?

But you know what; I suspect not, they are just going to be happy to be allowed to see that part of you. A new lover certainly won't be showing you to the door just because you don't have the right haircut in your pants - but it is a good idea to keep things neat so that they do let you through that door again.

Trimming will be just fine for keeping things looking neat and for making sure that you don’t have any hair getting in the way of your activities when you do reach the right time for your first serious sexual encounter.

Shaving might be something you decide to do once in a while as a treat or it might be something that you later decide to do regularly — but there’s no need to worry that someone is going to be disappointed when they get in your pants, because they certainly won’t be, no matter what your hairstyle is.

Interview With Nikki Benz

2006-11-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

Nikki Benz was at the Everything to do with Sex show with Screaming O Cock Ring people; signing autographs and talking about the sex toys on stage.

Nikki is a Toronto native who now lives in Arizona. She started out modeling bikinis and participating in beauty pageants and at age 18, got into exotic dancing. She enjoyed exotic dancing and is still very successful in this field, but wanted more. Just before she turned 21, Nikki contacted a director in the adult film industry and was cast for roles in "Strap-on-Sally 20" and "Strap-on-Sally 21". Since then, Nikki has appeared in over 40 adult films and has even directed one (according to her site and imbd). She has also been photographed for many popular adult magazines (like Hustler and Club) and mainstream magazines like Maxim and Stuff. She has held contracts with Pleasure Productions, Jill Kelly Productions, and Teravision. Currently Nikki does a radio show with three other women called "Contract Superstars" on KSex radio.

Stats:
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 110 lbs
Measurements: 36D-24-36
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Hazel
Shoe Size: 7
Birthday: December 11
{Interesting fact: I am one week older than Nikki - crazy!}

Nikki was my first interview of the day and my first interview with a porn star - I don't mind telling you that I was a little nervous! Luckily Nikki was super sweet about giving me an interview and even came out of the booth to take a photo with me! I don't know how she does it, but she has this magical way of posing - it's like you're talking to her and she's normal, then you go to take her picture and she poses - it's like *bam* - instant glam!

Here is the gist of how my interview with her went, enjoy:

Me: Nikki, on your myspace webpage you talk about how you enjoy having sex in exotic places, what's the most exotic place that you've ever had sex?

Nikki Benz: I would have to say in the Caribbean: Aruba and especially the Panama Canal, on a cruise-ship.

[ed. note: what a coincidence, the Caribbean is the most exotic place I've ever had sex too!]

Me: I know you're currenly doing a radio show on KSex, how did you get into radio?

Nikki Benz: I started off doing guest spots and eventually was asked about doing my own radio show with a few other girls. I really love doing a radio program because it gives my fans another way to enjoy and get in touch with me.

Me: You've done so many films, which are your favourites?

Nikki Benz: Is it alright if I name three?

Me: sure

Nikki Benz: My three favourite films that I have been in are: The Nikki Benz Show, Take No Prisoners, and Test Drive.

Me: Do you find that it is easier to work with men or women?

Nikki Benz: It really depends on the person and the chemistry that we have together. I've had great experiences with both men and women in my films.

Me: How do you feel about condom use in pornography?

Nikki Benz: I find that it is easier to do a scene without using condoms, it also looks better on camera. But on our radio show we always promote safe sex for people who are having sex in the "real world". In the porn industry we have very stringent testing so it is not as dangerous for us to not use condoms in our sex scenes.

Me: What kind of crazy things happen on set when you are filming?

Nikki Benz: Oh! It's so hard to come up with one on the spot like this! I guess one crazy thing that has happened was when this one guy "finished" before he was supposed to in a scene. When this happens we have to wait around for a while to see if he can be ready to perform again quickly or the studio will have to call in a back-up guy to take his place. It can get expensive for the studio when this happens.

Me: Oh wow! Does that happen very often?

Nikki Benz: Hmm no not that often - in the fours years I've been working I've only seen it happen twice.

Me: That's all the questions I have for now, thank you so much for your time Nikki!

Nikki Benz: You're welcome!

So there you go folks - even porn guys can't always hold back when they are with the fabulous Nikki Benz. ^_^ Thank you again to Nikki for being so fantastic and giving me such a lovely interview (and an autographed photo).

The Everything To Do With Sex Show

2006-10-30T18:31:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I had the pleasure of playing intrepid reporter at the Everything To Do With Sex show in Toronto and I must say that it was quite an adventure. The Automotive Centre, where the Sex show is held, was packed with booths selling everything and anything remotely related to sex: sex toys, porn, floggers, costumes, bondage bed-sheets, instructional videos, rope, even "romantic get-away" trips like to Hedonism in Jamaica .

The building was also pretty full of people — but I knew that I couldn't let myself get distracted by the multitudes of women with T & A hanging out, nor by the men who had their tops and bottoms open, if not off.

There was plenty there to distract the average person; besides the paid scantily clad models and booths overflowing with various sex related goodies, around practically every corner was a television screen showing hardcore pornography. In fact, the Roger's booth had about seven screens all showing a different pornographic scene. Mysteriously, we kept finding ourselves standing in front of this booth to re-group, and somehow I ended up switching my home phone to Rogers. To quote my cameraman, "Whoa! I've never seen so many blow jobs going on at once!"

But as I said, I couldn't allow myself to get too distracted by all the goodies; I was a reporter on a mission. I knew that a handful of adult celebrities were going to be at the sex show and I had researched each of them in the hopes that I would have the chance to do a few brief interviews.

My first target was Nikki Benz, a Toronto native who now lives in Arizona. After a successful career as an exotic dancer, Nikki got into the adult film industry at age 21. Since then she has been in over 40 adult films and has appeared in photo spreads for a number of adult and mainstream magazines, like Hustler and Maxim.

I caught Nikki at the sex show signing autographs in the "Screaming O' Cock Ring" booth; she was happy to answer a few questions and even took a photo with me. Here are some highlights from that interview:

Imprint: I know you're currently doing a radio show on KSex. How did you first get into radio?

Nikki Benz: I started off doing guest spots and eventually was asked about doing my own radio show. I really love doing my radio program because it gives my fans another way to enjoy and get in touch with me.

How do you feel about condom use in pornography?

I find that it is easier to do a scene without using condoms. It also looks better on camera. But on our radio show we always promote safe sex for people who are having sex in the "real world." In the porn industry, we have very stringent testing so it is not as dangerous for us to not use condoms in our sex scenes.

What kind of crazy things happen on set when you are filming?

Oh! It's so hard to come up with one on the spot like this! I guess one crazy thing that has happened was when this one guy "finished" before he was supposed to in a scene. When this happens we have to wait around for a while to see if he can be ready to perform again quickly or the studio will have to call in a back-up guy to take his place. It can get expensive for the studio when this happens.

After my interview with Nikki, I thanked her for her time and let her get back to her line of drooling autograph hounds. It was time for me to get over to the dungeon area and track down my next interview, Rubberella (her stage name).

The dungeon area of the sex show was not very big; it was off to the side and mostly curtained off in black with a sign informing us that photography was prohibited in this area.

Inside, we saw a variety of floggers, ropes and other bondage equipment. We even caught a glimpse of a woman being tied up in an elaborate rope corset.

I first spotted Rubberella on The Dungeon Stage (where photography was permitted with permission) giving a demonstration about the joys of wearing latex.

Rubberella is a fetish model who enjoys wearing latex outfits, like her cat-suit and torpedo boob suit. Because her site has some pretty intense photos, Rubberella was actually the person I was most nervous about interviewing that day, but she was very sweet in person. I hopped up on stage to try on some tight black latex gloves and see how they felt.

To get into her tight latex outfits, Rubberella has to lube up her body with water or silicone based lubricant and then rubs another type of coating on the outside to keep her latex looking shiny and to keep it from sticking.

After dutifully rubbing the lube on my hands and slipping on the gloves I could see why Rubberella loves wearing latex so much — it was pretty fun! I then felt ready to meet her at her booth for an interview.

Imprint: What is it like wearing latex all day?

Rubberella: It's very sensual; the latex is tight and I love how it feels squeezing my body. I also find that the latex heightens sensations, so rubbing even just your hands together when you are wearing latex gloves feels much sexier than without. But it is also very hot wearing whole outfits made out of latex; I'm pretty much sweating lightly the whole time.

What do you look forward to after a long photo-shoot or a show like this?

(Laughs) A nice long hot bath.

You wear a lot of different costumes for your photo-shoots, which one is your favourite?

My torpedo boob costume; I use condoms inflated with air to create incredibly huge breasts to wear under this bodysuit. It's part of the character and makes me feel even more like a super-heroine. It is a very fun costume to wear.

Do you find that you bump into a lot of things when you wear that costume?

Yes! It's hard to get used to suddenly having gigantic breasts, so I do sometimes bump into things when I am backstage.

As you can see/read, there certainly was a lot to see at this year’s The Everything to Do with Sex Show. I managed to snag two more interviews that day, as well as attending a seminar on how to strip, Undress for Success, led by Mary Taylor. I also saw a woman have a mould made of her nude upper body, watched some pole dancers defy gravity, and clapped along with the audience to vote for my favourite couple in a blow-job competition (using plastic dildos). And before I headed for home, I even managed to go for a ride in a very comfortable sex swing. All in all, it was a very full day.

For full interviews, keep watching this blog!

Tickling Tentacles

2006-10-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

Many people consider tentacle hentai to be one of the most bizarre forms of hentai/ecchi out there. And some people think that's what all hentai is!

But there does seem to be something about tentacle sex that some people do love and that motivates them to see every episode of cult classics like "La Blue Girl" and Injukoshi."

It may surprise you to learn that tentacle porn is not a new thing — it's been around at least since the Edo Period in Japan (1603 to 1867).

Around this time, Katsushika Hokusai, a famous Japanese artist (trust me, you've seen his work), made a woodcut called The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife. " This celebrated piece depicting a woman making out with a small octopus while a bigger one gives her oral sex might seem scary to many Westerners but it is so well loved that in Japan you can buy key chains and other trinkets featuring this image.

There are many factors that led to the production and popularization of tentacle porn in Japan.

Firstly, the Edo period saw an increase in the number of people practising the Shinto religion — Japan's national religion at one point. Shinto is a very friendly religion, involving the worshipping of many gods and spirits connected to nature ", gods and spirits who sometimes had sex with humans in animal or semi-animal form.

A second big factor was the popularity of shunga art, shunga means "pictures of spring" - which is a euphemism for pictures of sex. Hokusai's The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife and his other erotic art were and are still considered beautiful examples of shunga work, though tentacle sex was not destined to be wildly popular until many decades later."

It wasn't until after World War II that tentacle porn resurfaced and soon became extremely popular in Japan. The occupying forces put laws in place banning the representation of genitalia in sex acts. This put a damper on the erotic art being produced at this time — how were people supposed to draw graphic sex acts when they couldn't include any pictures of vaginas or penises?"

If artists couldn't legally draw a penis in their work, what could they possibly use to simulate sex acts? Let's see here, they would need something long and firm and... phallic - hmm, what do we know of that's pretty darn phallic? Hey! How about a tentacle?

That's right, a tentacle — the tentacle could deflower young, horny women and if anyone asked, the artists could safely assert that the tentacle wasn't genitalia, it was just a monster limb that happens to look phallic."

And so tentacle sex took off for the most part because it was the only kind of sex people were allowed to see at the time. Penises were not allowed to be seen in vaginas (or asses or mouths) but the tentacle had free reign. *evil laugh*

Today, even though we now have fairly easy access to "regular"� hentai and porn, many people still enjoy and even prefer images of tentacle sex.

For some it's the power play — the dominant tentacle beast taking the young woman or man and having their way with them.

For others it's the bondage — when you have sex with a tentacled beast, they have enough limbs to hold your arms and legs in any position they want and still penetrate you in every orifice.

For others, it's the multiple penetrations they enjoy. Because of the nature of tentacles, their "victim's" body can be further away. The penetrated characters — what I like to call "fuckees" - can be depicted in ways that would be impossible if the artist had to draw bodies to go with every penetrating tool; thus, there can be more penetrating tentacles than there ever could have been penises.

And for many it's a little of all three of these reasons.

Men and women can look at tentacle sex and see it as symbolic of satisfying and being satisfied by a lover in every possible way and all at once.

In fact, a lot of women do enjoy tentacle hentai because it is a way to indulge in rape fantasies, bondage fantasies, power play fantasies and/or multiple penetration fantasies while staying completely safe — since none of it is or ever can be real.

Yaoi and Yuri H anime

2006-10-23T13:26:00.000-07:00

The world of anime and H anime fans is rich and diverse, with many subcultures and niches. Two such subcultures are Yaoi and Yuri.

Yaoi (pronounced "yah-oy" or "yah-oh-ee") is not a real Japanese word, it is "otaku", slang created by anime fans. It refers to manga and hentai that feature men in romantic relationships. This is similar to shōnen-ai and BL (boy love), which also deal with romantic relationships between (young) men, but with one major difference " Yaoi is sexually explicit.

One thing that might surprise you about Yaoi hentai is that is generally created for women. The art is drawn by women, the plot lines are written by women and the target market is women who find sex between two male characters erotic/romantic - similar to the many men who are turned on by lesbians. But despite its female-centred production, Yaoi has generated quite a following among gay men as well.

The relationships in Yaoi, interestingly, tend to repeat the same clichés seen in hetero relationships " but using two men instead. In most of the couples, there is usually a designated "feminized" male called an "uke" (or receiver/bottom) who is often shorter, weaker and/or younger than his partner and a "seme" (or attacker/top), who tends to be bigger and have darker hair. Often, many traditional female stereotypes will be applied to the male uke, such as reluctance, shyness, "romanticness," etc.

Some Yaoi artists like to play on these cultural stereotypes, moving toward characters that are more interchangeable or using characters with reversed stereotyped personalities.

There has even been a trend towards making "muscle yaoi," where both male characters are strong and muscular, with less feminine character traits.

Similar to the Yaoi genre is "Yuri ", manga and H anime with stories of lesbian relationships.

Actually, two words are used to describe anime/hentai with female-female romantic relationships: Yuri usually is used when referring to more explicit sex between two women (that is, lesbian porn) and the term shōjo-ai is typically used to refer to non-sexual (but still romantic) relationships between two female characters.

Similar to the term Yaoi, Yuri is also considered an "otaku" term " Japanese lesbians do not actually refer to themselves using the terms yuri or shōjo-ai.

The word Yuri is Japanese for Lily. Often noted as the first to use of the term "Yuri" to refer to lesbian relationships is Ito Bongaku, the editor of "Barazok," a gay men's magazine, who, in 1971, called lesbians in Japan "the lily tribe", yurizoku.

Some suspect that the term Yuri became commonly used for this style of hentai partly borrowing from Ito's "lily tribe" as a cliché and partly as a reference to the ideals of women being beautiful, pure, innocent, etc., which is symbolically associated with a white lily.

In fact, Yuri plots often do start out quite innocently, typically with two girls who were originally presented as straight or inexperienced, who are then are inexplicably drawn to one another and "get it on."

As with Yaoi, many people enjoy Yuri's twist of stereotypical gender roles, though often there is still a more dominant partner and a more submissive partner (just like in hetero hentai).

Typically, couples will consist of an upperclassman, the "senpai" and a less experienced lowerclassman, the "kouhai."

One famous Yuri couple that you might be familiar with are two characters from the series Sailor Moon: Sailor Uranus, who had short blond hair and wore a boy's uniform, had a lesbian relationship with Sailor Neptune, who was shorter with long aqua hair.

Even within Yuri there are sub divisions: we have "shonen yuri," created by men for a male audience, which tends to feature more explicit sex and less romantic plot lines; there is "shoujo yuri," created by women for a female audience, which often has less sex but more emphasis on relationships; and finally, what some call "pure" yuri, which is written by lesbians for a lesbian audience.

No matter the gender of the author, artist or reader, Yuri and Yaoi H anime is important because it provides options, demonstrates different lifestyles and contributes to breaking boundaries and changing how people view relationships in hentai and in the real world.

The Evolution of The Cat-Girl

2006-10-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

It’s a known fact that anime artists generally like cats, so the inception of the cat-girl is no surprise, but the nature of cats surely plays a role as well. Cats have many important qualities that make them perfect for being combined with young women in hentai and anime.

There is something luxurious and sensual about cats, how they carefully clean their lithe bodies, strut around a home, and seem to look somehow mysterious. But cats are also cute and playful — getting into trouble, seeking pleasure and fun; and their perky ears and frisky tails are just too darn cute. Please excuse me, I’m having a cat moment. ^_~

Historically, cats have frequently been connected with women. In ancient Egypt, cats were linked with fertility and were considered the embodiment of the goddess Bastet. The Romans and Norse people picked up on this idea and cats were connected with their fertility goddesses as well (Artemis and Freya).

Fertility and sex were strongly associated with women because even what we might now consider our primitive ancestors, were able to recognise that having sex with a fertile woman led to babies — which was very important for cultivating the land, building civilizations and massing armies. This made women, with their sexuality and almost mystical fertility, important and valuable to these societies.

When Christianity started spreading across Europe, the cat (and women) maintained this association with sex, sensuality and fertility, but in a less positive light. This was a time when women were considered to be the weaker and sinful sex. The lustful mating behaviour and previous pagan associations made the cat an ideal symbol of Eve — who was now considered to be the first “sinful” woman.

For centuries, cats were used in European artwork to imply carnality, sensuality and temptation.

And, because of its association with sensuality and sex, the cat became the symbol of prostitution and courtesans in the 15th century.

Men in this era talked about chasing “cats tail” — this is where terms like “tail” and “pussy” (as applied to women and their genitalia) originated.

Even today, we still use terms like “sex kitten” in a play on the sensuality associated with both women and cats.

Cats were not just popular in ancient Europe, many other countries and cultures have prized the cat for thousands of years — and since they missed out on the European “re-education” of dark/middle ages, their cats (and women) did not tend to pick up any demonic associations.

In Japan cats were a favourite pet of the nobility and were connected with luck and good omens — today there is still a Buddhist temple in Japan dedicated to cats. In addition, many homes and businesses, even in North America, still display Maneki Neko statues of a cat with a raised paw, who welcomes good luck and fortune.

So, back to cat-girls and hentai.

A cat girl is essentially a girl/woman with cat ears. Sometimes they have a cat’s tail and/or whiskers. Cat-girls who want to look particularly cute will also wear big gloves and shoes or slippers that look like cat paws — but they do not usually have any fur on their bodies, aside from the ears and tail.

Because the main requirement to be a cat-girl is the ears, they are often called Nekomimi, which means “cat ears.”

Why do we like cat girls? In anime and especially in hentai, cat-girls are naughty, playful, and horny — what’s not to love? Maybe it’s because cats have been associated with women and sex and sensuality for so long that the cat-girl just seems to fit with our perceptions of playful sexuality. The cat-girl could be the personification of the sensual hedonist that lies inside every woman.

Oh! And there is also the suspicious similarity between semen and a saucer of cream. ^_~

Cartoon Copulation: H anime/Hentai

2006-10-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided to declare October the official Hentai month for my column. When I mentioned this idea to some of my friends, half of them said “what’s that?” and the other half explained to the first half that it was “cartoon porn.”

Technically, I suppose that is an accurate description, but I think that the often beautiful art and culture of hentai deserve a more detailed explanation.

Hentai is pronounced “hen-tie.” It’s a Japanese word that literally means “strange appearance” though it is often colloquially defined as the Japanese translation for “perversion,” which doesn’t necessarily have negative connotations.

In North America, “hentai” usually refers to sexually-explicit or adult-themed anime, manga and computer games. But in Japan, this pornographic material is referred to with terms like “ecchi” or “H anime” (sexual/pornographic anime), “eroanime” (derived from erotic anime), or “seijin manga” (adult manga) — and a person might be referred to as “hentai” (perverted).

[For those not in the know, Anime is a certain style of animation that originated in Japan and features characters with big eyes and hairstyles that often defy gravity. Anime is extremely popular all over the world and there are different types of anime for different age groups.]

Erotic drawings and art have been around for centuries; in Japan they became widely popular in the Edo period. At this time, it was common for men to travel to the city and learn valuable skills before returning to their hometown to get married.

Controlled, legalised prostitution and pornographic art were introduced to fulfill the sexual needs of these men while they were away from home.

Even famous artists like Hokusai — whose work you would have seen at the poster sale — were supplementing their income by creating beautiful erotic woodcuts called shunga, which were hung in the houses of noblemen, turned into educational “pillow” books for newlyweds, or printed with a few descriptive sentences and used as a masturbatory aid.

Some people are confused by the attraction of hentai, “why would you want to look at cartoons having sex instead of real people?” There are different reasons why someone might enjoy H anime.

For some, it is the love of anime; they might have favourite characters from series that they watch, such as Asuka and Rei, from the popular series “Evangelion.”

Finding erotic drawings of the characters is just another way to enjoy and appreciate them on another level. Imagine if you could easily find erotic photos of your favourite live action crush from TV — that’s the fun for anime fans: no matter what series or video game you enjoy, it’s likely that you can find erotic drawings featuring your favourite characters.

For others it is the perfection of the human body and the sex act portrayed in the H anime. While researching this article online, I found an essay on catsonmars.com explainning that it’s “unlike real life sex that may be tainted by uncertainty or hesitation, there’s no bad sex in anime. Emotions are always at their most pure and unfettered in anime.”

You can also find any type of “coupling” — and I use the term loosely here — that you could possibly want: male-female, male-male (which is extremely popular with readers from both sexes), female-female, male-elf, female-demon, female-male-elf-catgirl-male-demon-female, etc., as well as any scenario you could possibly imagine!

H anime is about expressing a fantasy; whether it is sex acts that might run counter to social norms or acts that are humanly or physically impossible. It’s all about expressing carnal desires and giving in to your subconscious, primal motivations.

That’s why it’s not uncommon in H anime to see a woman being coerced into sex, but later taking the lead.

Many artists enjoy playing with their viewers’ socialised role expectations by creating characters who defy expected norms — like a blushing and innocent-looking librarian who actually runs a demon sex shop out of her basement; or a hunky man who is actually afraid of women.

Hentai isn’t sick or weird; it’s just another portrayal of the sex act, which is intrinsically beautiful. And whether you choose to enjoy your sex with a partner, with actors on a video or with pictures or videos of your favourite anime characters; as long as everyone involved is enjoying themselves, it’s all good.

Love Your Penis

2006-10-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

Every so often I receive interesting questions from my readers like “Does evidence exist of high rates of masturbation by males increasing penis size?”

Ah, if only it were true. You fellas would be running off to get your lotion and tissues right now ^_~ — but a lot of masturbation does not really increase penis size.

Although the penis has muscles, they don’t work in the same way as the muscles in, for example, your arm where exercise does increase the size of the muscle. The most important muscles in the penis are in two groups.

One group relaxes to let more blood into the erectile tissue. The corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum make up the three sections of spongy erectile tissue that run the length of the penis (corpus cavernosom is also found in the female clitoris).

The two corpus cavernosum sections extend from the pubic bone to the head of the penis and they hold about ninety per cent of the blood in your erection, increasing the length and girth of your penis. The corpus spongiosum surrounds the urethra, preventing it from being crushed during erection and forms the glans or head of the penis. The penis head stays more malleable during an erection because blood drains from the corpus spongiosum more easily than the tissue in the shaft.

The second of the two groups of muscles contract to help keep the blood inside the erectile tissue of the penis. One of them is the ischiocavernosus muscle. This muscle also helps flex your anus and stabilizes your erection — in women it tenses the vagina, this is part of what women are working when they do Kegel exercises.

There isn’t really anything in the penis that can be “exercised” to increase its size. Supposedly you can increase the size of your penis by using a penis pump to extend the spongy tissue inside, but there hasn’t been any hard evidence to back this claim up. Tugging on your penis or hanging weights from it to try to make it longer is much more likely to result in hurting yourself and permanently damaging the tissue. You only have one penis, so please take care of it!

A lot of men worry about their penis size. You know who rarely worries about penis size? Women. You know why? Because we know that even guys with smaller-than-average equipment can still rock our worlds if they know what they are doing.

People always talk about how the media makes women feel inadequate and damages our self-esteem. But men are often neglected in these discussions and they can be victims of media, too.

Porn and spam mail are two of the biggest culprits for lowering men’s self esteem. Sure, guys in porn often have ugly hair and sometimes have ugly bodies, but what do they usually have? They have a penis that is, or appears to be, larger than average. Not only do they seem well endowed, but their partners seem to enjoy it! And if that’s what it takes to satisfy a woman (or man, or both), how can any “average” fellow hope to measure up?

The guys with long shlongs who end up in the porn industry are there for a reason. This is the concept of “over-representation” at work — because you’ve seen so much porn with guys who have big penises, you imagine that everyone must have one, except you. But this isn’t true! It’s called average for a reason; if you really are of average penis size then most guys have penises around the same size as yours or smaller! You shouldn’t worry about those in the porn industry.

Unfortunately, to add to the worries you might have acquired after years of viewing porn, spam mailers seem to have picked up on how common it is for men to worry about their penis size.

It doesn’t matter how often you might complain about the “increase your penis size” and “big willy 4U” e-mails filling up your junk mail folder — some of these messages seep into your subconscious (or conscious) mind and feed your own willy worries.

As an interesting side note, although many people like to look at huge penises, not many women actually enjoy one inside of them — there’s only so much space inside the average vagina. The average vagina is built for the average penis.

I think it’s reprehensible that spam mailers feed on this weakness that men have and try to convince them to try whatever herbal supplement they are hawking. By the way, don’t bother with the “miracle products” you hear about in your spam — they don’t work. If herbal supplements did increase you penis size, it would be all over the news and we would all know about it.

Like I said above, you only have one penis so take care of it and don't worry about what other guys might be "packin".

Keeping yourself clean is easier than you think

2006-09-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

I recently received an e-mail from a reader asking if douches are a good idea to use after sex. A douche is a way of cleaning the inside of the vagina by squirting water and other fluids like vinegar or antiseptics inside to flush it out. You can find douche kits in pharmacies and many grocery stores, but really how useful are they? And should people be using them at all?

Douching has been practised for centuries; it reportedly goes back to the time of Hippocrates, when people didn’t know a whole lot about female anatomy and there weren’t many medications or antibiotics available.

Douching was done only when it was absolutely necessary to clean out the vaginal cavity. But for some reason, douching ended up becoming a fairly common practice among many groups of women.

Today about 37 per cent of women in the U.S. douche and half of these do so at least once a week.

Women use douches for various reasons. To wash away menstrual blood, to reduce perceived vaginal odours, to “feel clean” and some even use it after sex as birth control and to avoid catching an STI (sexually transmitted infection); however, a douche is not an effective contraceptive and will not protect you from infection.

Studies show that women who douche actually end up with more health problems than women who do not. For example, women who douche have greater than 73 per cent chance of getting PID, pelvic inflammatory disease, a bacterial infection in the reproductive organs.

PID can lead to infertility, problems during pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancies (where the baby starts growing in the fallopian tubes). Women who douche once a week are 83 per cent more likely to contract cervical cancer.

Women who douche regularly are also more likely to suffer vaginal irritations, bacterial infections, and are actually more at risk for catching STI’s.

In addition, using a douche after sex is actually more likely to push semen into the uterus, increasing your chances of pregnancy — so much for using it as birth control.

A douche also won’t “cure” vaginal odours, if anything it might only mask them temporarily.

A healthy vagina should have a slight musky odour — it shouldn’t smell like flowers or rain!

But if you do think that something is wrong with your smell, or if it smells fishy or pasty then you should go see your doctor.

Doctors and nurses today advise against the use of a douche, though very rarely your doctor might prescribe it to treat certain conditions.

Your vagina has a lot of important processes going on inside of it. There are friendly bacteria living in your vagina; these bacteria are very important and protect your vagina from other infections. It gives off a natural form of hydrogen peroxide, which keeps the pH of the vagina more acidic, in turn guarding you from the invasion of other, more destructive bacteria.

The friendly bacteria in your vagina also keep the yeast cells in your vagina under control. If the bacteria dies off (which can easily happen) the yeast cells can start to multiply, giving you a yeast infection.

Douching can also abrade the delicate tissue of your vagina, causing irritations and making it easier for things like infectious bacteria and STIs to get inside your bloodstream.

Your vagina doesn’t need a douche to keep itself clean; it does just fine on its own. It is constantly producing mucus and this mucus lining is constantly moving — your vagina is like an glacier. All day and night the mucus lining of your vagina slowly flows towards the outside, pulling with it anything else that might be inside: dead cells, semen, blood, and other tiny particles that may have gotten inside.

So in answer to my reader’s question: no, you should not be using a douche after sex or under any circumstance, unless your doctor prescribes it. Just let your vagina do its own thing and grab a box of tissues or a warm washcloth for cleaning up externally after sex.

Frosh Week Sex Questions

2006-09-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Shay: Are "Blue Balls" for Real?

The Term "blue balls" refers to a vasocongestion in the testicles or vulva and is often used as an excuse to pressure a partner into having sex. However, although most people don't actually turn blue, some really do feel some pain or discomfort after sexual arousal or stimulation because blood has rushed into the testicles and penis or the vulva and has become trapped; causing an increase in pressure that can be uncomfortable.

But the person suffering from "blue balls" (or "blue vulva") doesn't need to have sex to alleviate the pressure. They can also just wait for the fluid to drain by itself or they can masturbate to orgasm. If you find yourself or your partner afflicted with this "condition" and no sexual release is available you could also try a cold compress (like a can of beer or pop) on the area.

Dear Shay: Is it true that you can tell how long a guy's penis is by looking at his hands and feet?
There is actually no scientific proof to back up this popular myth. A guy with small hands and feet is just as likely to be well endowed as the professional basketball players out there who wear size 35 shoes.

Dear Shay: What can I do to avoid condom breakage?

Now this is a situation where size really does matter; it’s very important to make sure that you have the right size condom. A condom that fits too tightly is more likely to break and a condom that is too big could slip off!

Also stay far away from any petroleum based lubricants. Besides causing all sorts of problems for a female partner, petroleum based lubricants also have a nasty habit of making a latex condom fall apart. But, do make sure that you use a lot of water based lube, especially in orifices that don’t produce their own lubrication, like the anus, this will be more comfortable and will also help keep the condom from breaking.

Dear Shay. How many times in a row is it possible for a woman to have orgasms?

According to what I was able to find in my research, the most scientifically confirmed consecutive orgasms for a female is 50. This experiment was conducted under carefully controlled conditions: there were video cameras, trained observers, and even electrodes taped to various parts of the female participant's body to verify each orgasm! After she had gone through around 30 male assistants and 50 orgasms, the experimenters felt it was time to pack up since they were running out of film and it was getting late.

This feat may have been achieved through skimming. Orgasms are usually described as the peaks of waves with the troughs as recovery periods. Women who are able to achieve multiple orgasms often skim the surface of these waves, hitting multiple peaks without needing long resting periods.

Men do not usually get to experience anything like this because, once they ejaculate and start to lose their erection, their penis will often have to go through a whole phase of relaxation, rest, and re-erection before they are ready for another orgasm.

Dear Shay: Is it true that when you're drunk, you can't cum?

Well, alcohol and some drugs sure can make getting to that point difficult! Alcohol has a bad habit of numbing the nerve endings in male and female genitals, making harder to reach orgasm, and it decreases the amount of lubrication that a woman produces, which can lead to painful dry sex, again making it harder to achieve orgasm. Alcohol also has been known to decrease your desire for sex, arousal, and satisfaction.

As a side note, being drunk can also make it very hard to properly use a condom or other barriers and can compromise the effectiveness of some oral contraceptives. Keep in mind, the best kind of sex is the kind you can remember!

How should I store/carry around my condoms?

1. Not in your pants pocket and Not at the bottom of your purse.

These are both places where your precious condoms are in danger of being bent, poked, or otherwise damaged. Ideally, the best place to store your condoms is safe and dry in their box on a shelf or in a drawer. However, it is always a good idea to have a condom on your person, because you never know what might happen, especially on bar night! You can safely carry condoms in a smaller reinforced section of a bag or purse or in a jacket lining pocket. Or get condoms that come in travel safe containers.

Remember to check your condoms every once in a while to make sure the package is intact and that it hasn't expired. Always throw out condoms if they seem dry, brittle, discoloured, or smell funnier than usual.

Anal is more than just a Stage of Development

2006-09-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

It’s a new semester, so let’s start things off with a bang — from behind!

Many people around the world enjoy anal sex and anal play. It’s become almost a staple in many types of pornography and is generating a lot of curiosity — more and more hetero couples are realizing that straight doesn’t have to mean, “exit only.”

Anal play can be very gratifying; there is a wealth of nerve endings in and around the rectum that can send your brain pleasure signals when they are stimulated. Despite this potential for delight, however, many people are still not interested in or are afraid to try anal stimulation, often due to fears of it being messy or painful.

Anal sex should not be painful as long as everything is properly lubricated and the receiver is relaxed and prepared. Many beginners do find properly lubricated anal play uncomfortable at first, but once they learn to relax, they are more able to enjoy themselves and the discomfort fades away.

As for mess, feces (poo) isn’t stored in the rectum until just before you get rid of it, so you don’t usually have to worry about that. But if you are worried, it’s a good idea to make sure that you are getting a lot of fibre in your diet, that you have gone to the bathroom recently and perhaps take a shower before you begin.

Some people also prefer to do an enema, which involves squirting fluid into your rectum and colon, just to make doubly sure that they don’t have to worry about any mess during anal sex.

However, even after taking any or all of these measures, you should still always use a condom. Having anal sex without a condom puts you at risk for a urinary tract infection, among other more serious things. Always change condoms if you want to switch from anal play to anything else and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly. Rectum bacteria don’t belong in the vagina or mouth and can cause nasty infections if they are transported there.

You also should be aware that the same rules apply for HIV and STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) with anal sex — so don’t forget that condom! There is often more friction associated with anal sex, which can abrade the skin of a penis and the partner’s rectum, which increases the risk of STI transmission.

Ideally you should also use a rubber glove for any hand-to-anal play and use a dental dam to provide a barrier during oral-anal play. You can make a dental dam out of a condom by snipping off the tip and then cutting the side before you unroll it, or you can buy flavoured barriers from many sex-toy shops. These methods will help to keep you safe from infection.

The same rules for a penis, or your fingers, also apply to your toys. Be sure to wash toys thoroughly after they’ve been used in anal play — you may even want to put a condom over your toys.

Some toys are dishwasher safe, which is excellent because the heat from the dishwasher will kill any bacteria that may have hitched a ride on your favourite dildo or plug. Glass or Pyrex toys are a smart choice for anal play because they are not porous like other material, which makes them resistant to bacteria, and they are dishwasher safe. For non-dishwasher safe toys and especially for silicone toys, you’ll definitely want to slide a condom over them before use and use a concentrated, toy approved, cleanser before you store them.

If you are experimenting with a partner, besides protecting yourselves from infection, you’ll want to protect yourselves from injury. Anal penetration requires trust between both partners; it’s important that you go very slowly and listen to your partner to make sure that they aren’t in pain. The rectal wall curves and is fairly thin, so you’ll want to be very careful with how fast you go and with the types of objects you slide inside. The same goes for solo penetration: take it slow, breathe deep, and relax — there’s no need to push yourself too far too soon.

Using plenty of lubrication is essential. Since you’re going to be safe and will be using a condom for anal sex — and/or will be concerned about protecting your nice anal toys — you’ll want to get a good water-based lubricant. Silicone-based lubricants are also safe. Though they can degrade silicone toys, they are safe to use with condoms and are a little more viscous which can be very handy for anal sex; but petroleum based lubricants, like Vaseline, will degrade latex condoms and should be avoided. Many anal lubricants also contain a light anaesthetic to dull any initial discomfort; this can help relax you and your partner but shouldn't numb you too much.

Anal play is one area where toys can be even more important and useful than usual. Since the average anus is not used to accepting something as large as a penis or large dildo, smaller toys can be essential for “warming up” and for promoting comfort and relaxation as you explore.

It’s best to start with a finger or a small plug or probe. If you are playing with a partner, pay close attention to them the whole time, making sure that they feel comfortable.

After lubing up, slowly push the plug slightly inside the anus. Do not use force — stop immediately if your partner complains of discomfort — or if you are playing alone, stop if you feel that it’s more than you can handle or if you feel pain.

If it is difficult to enter the anus, you probably need more lubrication — be liberal with it. However, you should keep in mind that anal sex may not be for everyone, and if you or your partner feels uncomfortable, stop and consider trying again another time.

You may find that a thin probe is all you need (or feel comfortable with), or you may want to try going a little thicker, maybe working your way up to something large, like a penis or big dildo or a big plug. A toy with varying widths is perfect for those who want to explore wider objects, because they start off with a smaller diameter at the tip and increase in thickness gradually — this gives you a chance to practice and allows you to ease up to wider toys. It’s also a good idea to use toys that have a flared base or some other mechanism to prevent them from getting lodged in the rectum — saving you from an embarrassing visit to the ER.

It's a good idea to try a bunch of different toys to figure out what you like best — do you prefer the fullness of a butt plug or penis, the feeling of entry and withdrawal with anal beads or the stimulation of a vibrating toy? Most importantly, respect your body. Take it slow, don’t push your limits too hard and go only as far as you feel comfortable.

Watch This Space

2006-08-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

Shortly this blog will have an archive of my articles from the Imprint

Fair Trade for Oral

2006-07-28T17:13:00.000-07:00

One of the most popular questions I seem to be asked by my readers -- besides, "how big is big enough" -- is "how can I get my partner to give me more oral sex?"

Coincidentally, I was just talking about this issue with a friend of mine over lunch last week. We were remarking how "funny" it is that it always seems to be the men whose partners won't or can't give them blowjobs who seem to obsess over wanting one.

We also wondered if perhaps we don't usually hear as much from women because they might be more shy about asking for more oral sex. It's very likely that there are droves of women wandering around at this very moment, obsessing over the lack of oral sex in their lives. But I suppose that it's not uncommon for people to want so badly what they can't seem to get.

While there are many lovely reasons why one should indulge their partner, there are a lot of reasons why someone might not want to give their partner oral sex.

First, they may complain it's uncomfortable for them, or it's "too much work." To quote a popular television program, "it's called a job for a reason". For some people, when a partner asks them for oral sex, all they picture is neck strain, a sore jaw, a numb mouth, losing feeling in their arms or legs, etc. It can be pretty uncomfortable and exhausting to bring someone to orgasm with one's mouth.

But, there are ways to make giving head less work for your partner. One of the tricks is to make sure your partner gets themselves into a good position so that they don't cramp up. It also will help if they use one hand to steady themselves and one hand to steady the penis -- switching hands if one arm gets tired, or both hands to steady the hips if they are preforming on a woman. They need to be in a position where they're going to be comfortable and not going to be off balance, tense, or cutting off circulation. It can be a surprisingly delicate procedure.

Another trick to ease oral sex lock-jaw is to let your partner finish you off with their hand -- the final moments before you orgasm can be the most arduous for your partner, who is trying their best to maintain speed, friction, and/or suction. They might be more likely to give you oral more often if you let them skip the rough part at the end. A comfy head-giver is a happy head-giver and a happy head-giver is a repeat head-giver.

Another issue is gagging -- this is more something that happens with a man. Maybe you got over-excited once or twice and jammed your penis down their throat or they got over-eager and tried to take you too deep. In the end, it doesn't always matter whose fault it is, just that it happened.

Gagging can be scary, doesn't feel very good and could put someone off giving oral sex for a long time.

You can help your partner out with this problem by not jamming yourself down their throat and they can help themselves out by taking it slow when they try to take you deep and by keeping a hand at the base of your shaft to help guide and keep things in control.

Some may complain that they don't feel connected to you while they do it. Yes, I know they are technically connected to you via your genitals, but your partner might not always feel emotionally/psychologically connected to you and, for many people, that connection is very important during sex. Sex is about being close and intimate with someone else (among other things), and sometimes that connection is hard to feel when you're "up there" having fun and they are "down there" pleasuring you.

You can help your partner feel more connected to you by talking to them and making noise, let them know that you like what they're doing, say their name, tell them that they're doing a good job, and that you're getting close. Or maybe get into a position where you can touch their body too and give them a little pleasure -- maybe go for a 69!

But maybe they think they're bad at it. This could be tricky issue, or it could be easily solved by you telling them that they aren't awful, that maybe they should practise more -- like right now. If your partner really isn't very good, give them some guidance --- they would rather have you tell them to adjust their head than find out that the reason why you took half an hour to orgasm was because they were doing something that you found painful or distracting.

Perhaps the problem is that you don't reciprocate. This holds true for many things: letters, birthday gifts, oral sex, dinner invitations, e-cards, etc. Personally, I stopped giving a boyfriend back massages until he started to give me more back -- if you don't give, you can't always expect to receive.

You stink or are otherwise unpleasant in your crotch-ular region. Now I'm not talking about your regular musk, most people find that scent perfectly appetizing and arousing. Rather, I'm talking about stale crotch smell, over-powering sweaty crotch, and crazy overgrown pubes.

Often, the bulk of this problem can be solved with a shower and a little grooming -- but if you're really worried about making your crotch smell tasty, you could try using something like fenugreek herbal tea, which makes you smell like maple.

Another fun thing to try is playing with food; whipped cream, chocolate sauce, nutella, flavoured lubes, ice cream, sugar, candy, fruit -- heck anything tasty will do.

But everyone is different and any of these reasons, or others, could be why your partner doesn't always want to go down on you. While pressure does work to convince some people, for others it just makes them more stubborn. Hopefully some of my tips will help those of you who are wishing for more oral action; and those of you who are getting as much oral sex as you want, now you realise just how fortunate you are.

Goin' Bare for the Beach/Lake

2006-07-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

The hot summer weather is here. The time of year when a young person's thoughts turn to staying cool, weekends at the lake, and hair removal. This seems like a good time to talk about the three main ways to get rid of pubic hair as painlessly as possible; shaving, waxing, and creaming.

For all of these methods, it works best if you first trim your pubic hair with scissors; it will be easier to see what you're doing and things will be less messy. You'll want the hairs to be around a quarter to half an inch long (that's 6mm to 13mm).

And remember, if you're going to leave a patch of hair for decoration or direction, try not to be too much of a perfectionist. It's easy to worry too much about making things even and end up with no hair at all.

Shaving: It's a myth that shaving makes hair grow back thicker, so don't let that stop you. But you are more likely to get ingrown hairs this way, so here are some tips for getting the best shave possible.

For guys specifically, a little trimming is usually enough to show off your length. Men often have darker and more profuse body hair so it can look odd if they shave off all of their pubic hair. That said, you still might want to shave off any of the stray hairs that are creeping up your shaft, closer to the base, and you could consider shaving your scrotum.

For these two jobs, the kind of razor you use on your face is probably good enough - especially if you use a fancy razor with more blades, you'll be less likely to cut yourself. And the most important thing is to hold the skin taut. Wrinkled skin leads to cuts so you'll want to shave your scrotum slowly and carefully.

Both men and women may want to shower before shaving. Showering makes your hair softer and easier to shave, which means less irritation, and the hot water will open your pores. You'll also want to work in that shave gel to soften the hair. Use a new, sharp razor and rinse it often to prevent it from getting clogged or stuck.

Shave with the grain of your hair as much as possible, you still can get quite close and you'll decrease your chances of getting ingrown hairs. Splash on some cold water when you are done to close the pores up again.

Waxing/BodySugar (a thick syrupy product): Overall I would recommend having your waxing done by an experienced professional. You're less likely to end up bruised, injured, or only half waxed, and it's easier for someone who can see those nooks and crannies from a different angle. You could also consider getting the hair lasered off - it's fairly painless and the hair would be gone for good.

But if you are going to do your waxing/sugaring at home, here are some tips:

Before you wax, you'll want to exfoliate the skin to help raise the hairs, this makes them easier to extract. Some people also recommend applying baby oil the day before to help soften the follicles, but make certain the area is not oily when you are waxing.

Most importantly, make sure to stretch the skin tight. Loose skin leads to bad waxing and pain. Apply the wax/sugar in thin strips (one inch or half inch strips). This will ensure that the skin is tight and it will reduce the pain.

Rip the strips off against the grain, in one quick motion. Make sure you keep your hand close to your body because if you rip straight up you risk bruising or injuring your skin.

Afterwards you'll want to make sure that you get rid of all the residual wax/sugar. Then apply a cool cloth and any lotion that came with your kit. It's also recommended to apply an antibiotic lotion or gel like Neosporin or aloe.

Depilatory Cream (like Nair or Veet): This method is great for people who don't like pain or ingrown hairs and whose skin can handle the chemicals. But this method is not for everyone because some people have sensitive skin and could get burnt. Follow the directions on the bottle for testing it out in advance.

Even people with sturdy skin need to make sure that they don't get the cream on their most sensitive areas, like close to the anus or vaginal opening. If you're using this method it's a good idea to wet your fingers after applying the cream to clean it away from the inner labia, the perineum, and anus.

This method of hair removal is pretty simple - trim the hair, apply the cream where you want the hair to go away, wash your hands, set the timer (do not go over the recommended time), and rinse. If your skin feels a bit "funny" after using the cream, try rubbing on some aloe cream/gel.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to get rid of all your pubic hair - how much or how little you take off as you prepare for the hot weather and bikini/Speedo season is up to you and your own preferences. As I've said, sometimes just giving things a good trim is enough to make you feel fresh and sexy and let the beauty of your naughty bits shine.

How to Become a Kegel Ninja!

2006-06-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

Recently, there has been some debate on my blog about Kegel exercises. It appears that people just aren't sure how, when, or even where to do them. There's a lot of conflicting information out there, so I ambled over to the library website to do a little research.

Kegel (often misspelled as "keggle" or "kegle") exercises are named after the gynaecologist Dr. Arnold Kegel, who cared so much about vaginas that he gave them exercises to do so that they could stay in shape.

Kegel exercises are done by clenching and unclenching the muscles at the bottom of the pelvis, specifically, the pubococcygeus muscle. When you try them -- as I'm sure you are at this very moment -- you'll want to focus on clenching the same muscles that you might use to stop yourself from peeing. It is alright for your abs to clench, but make sure that you aren't tightening your thighs -- if you are, then you aren't focusing on the right muscle.

Kegel exercises strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle (aka the PC or Kegel muscle), which is found in the pelvic floor of both men and women and is incredibly useful. It controls urine flow, contracts during orgasms, and surrounds the openings of the anus, vagina, and bladder.

In women, Kegel exercises can help strengthen and tone the pelvic muscles, which is great for toning up before and after childbirth and for preventing urinary incontinence (i.e. peeing your pants when you sneeze -- a significant problem for millions of people in North America).

Kegels can also be a lot of fun during penetrative sex; a male partner should be able to feel the muscles tighten around his penis as you clench your PC muscles.

In men -- yes it works for the guys, too -- Kegel exercises can aid urinary continence, and are said to be able to help them reach orgasm without ejaculation and even help attain multiple orgasms!

Doing Kegel exercises will also raise and lower their testicles which could be a fun party trick, as well as work out their anal muscles, which could handy during penetrative anal sex.

The disagreements start when it comes time to talk about where/how to do Kegel exercises. Some people are convinced that Kegel exercises should be done during urination -- that is, the person should exercise their Kegel muscles by stopping and releasing the flow of pee when they are on the toilet. On the other hand, some vehemently oppose doing Kegel exercises during urination because of the reported risk of urinary tract infection.

One of the papers I found, by Dr. Katharine Kolcaba et al., recommends locating the appropriate muscles for Kegel exercises by pretending to stop to flow of urine. And a few other websites also suggest locating the muscles this way or by actually stopping the flow of urine, but only once or twice, until you get the hang of it.

Personally, I suggest that you go the route of "better safe than sorry." Since it has been suggested that stopping the flow of urine is not a good thing to be doing regularly -- why do it at all? There are many ways to work out your Kegel muscles without resorting to this uncomfortable and potentially dangerous method.

In fact, let's look at what Dr. Kegel prescribed - his method had an 84% success rate. He instructed his patients to contract their pelvic muscles against a "perineometer," a cone-shaped balloon inserted into the vagina, but a dildo, fingers, ben wa balls, or a piece of foam cut to size would work just as well. They were instructed to alternately contract and relax the PC muscles for 20 minutes, three times a day, for a total of 300 contractions.

And this brings us to another disagreement on my blog -- how many clenches should be done in a day?

As you read above, Dr. Kegel recommended doing three sets of 100 clenches in a day, but there are two recognised ways to do Kegel exercises: fast and slow.

For slow Kegels, you clench your Kegel muscles and hold for 5-10 seconds. For fast Kegels, you clench and hold your Kegel muscles for only 1 second -- this would have been the type that Dr. Kegel was thinking of when he prescribed doing 300 in a day. You should also keep in mind that he was prescribing this to patients diagnosed with urinary incontinence -- I'm sure Dr. Kegel won't be angry if we healthy folks do a little less than the full 300 clenches a day.

You could also try alternating between fast and slow Kegels.

Once you've gotten pretty good at your regular Kegel exercises try this: imagine that your pelvic floor is an elevator and slowly clench it tighter and tighter, imagining that the elevator is going up floor by floor, and then slowly unclench, bringing the elevator back down.

You could also try incorporating Kegel clenches into your yoga routine -- this is called tightening your Moolabandha -- it is said that this will increase your energy levels and relieve tension.

The nifty thing about doing your Kegel exercises, whether you do them fast or slow, is that no one has to know! You can do them anywhere, at almost any time -- like a Kegel Ninja! And the benefits are certainly worth the small amount of concentration required.

There's A Vas Deferens Between Men and Women - or is there

2006-06-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ejaculation can be a sticky topic (pun intended). Everyone knows that men ejaculate, but many don't realise that women do as well! Grab a box of tissues, because this week we will be exploring the mysteries of male and female ejaculation.

Most people know that in men the testicles are involved in ejaculation and many people know that the prostate also has a hand in the goings on. But are you really aware of how male ejaculation happens?

As you know, in men the purpose of ejaculation (besides for money shots in porn) is to squirt out sperm -- which is made in the testicles.

Inside your scrotum (that handy little sack between your legs guys), each testicle contains coils of tissue called seminiferous tubules. Assuming you are healthy, the cells in these tubes make sperm constantly, from the point that you hit puberty onwards.

Newly created sperm travel into the epididymis where they mature and are stored -- it's like sperm school, where they gain the ability to swim and fertilize an egg. Once they are mature, the sperm hang out in the back of the epididymis until the body is ready to ejaculate.

You might think that in a busy guy, things could get pretty backed up in there, as more and more sperm are made every day. Thankfully, men don't have to worry about having sperm backed up in their epididymis -- if the sperm is not used, after a few weeks it will be reabsorbed by the body or it will be expelled by night-time emissions (read: wet dreams).

When it's time to ejaculate, the sperm are packed together tightly at the back of the epididymis. They don't have to swim their way out either -- the sperm move out of the epididymis and along the vas deferens towards the urethra via peristaltic muscle contractions (that's the same rhythmic, forward moving muscle contractions that happen when you swallow -- it's like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube by squeezing one finger at a time from the back to the front).

In the vas deferens (a tube which connects to the urethra), other fluids are added to the mix from the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. Sperm makes up only 3.5% of the stuff that is in your semen, the seminal vesicles contribute a sweet 60%, and the prostate a citrus-y 11.5%.

The prostate also contains smooth muscles which contract rhythmically to shoot that semen out of your penis and onto/into whatever you have "handy."

For many years it was thought that only men were capable of ejaculation. Female ejaculation was dismissed as a myth and many of the women who could do it ended up having surgery and/or therapy in an attempt to "fix" it because people thought that it was urine. But, in 1980, the medical community was finally made aware of this phenomenon when John Perry and Beverly Whipple showed a film to the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex.

The professionals at this showing saw a female being stimulated by her partner until her urethra began to swell (on a woman it's located between the vaginal opening and the clitoris). And after a few moments, milky fluid shot out! When the fluid was examined, it turned out that it wasn't urine at all but actually was pretty similar to the prostate fluid in men's ejaculate.

It's actually nearly impossible to pee while you orgasm, no matter your gender. The pubococcygeus muscle contracts to stop the flow of urine when you are peeing, and this is the same muscle that clamps down when you orgasm. This muscle contracts to keep you from emptying your bladder when you orgasm and prevents retrograde ejaculation (fluid getting sucked back into the bladder).

Female ejaculatory fluid is usually clear or milky and doesn't have the look, smell or taste of urine. It's as thin as water and in terms of taste, which varies with multiple factors like diet; it can taste sweet, sour, bitter or any combination of these.

Some researchers believe that the fluid is produced by the Skene's gland (located in the G-spot) which is thought to be the female equivalent of the male prostate gland. But thus far, much of the research on female ejaculation does not give any serious data about the origin or composition of the fluid expelled.

It has been estimated that 10% of women do ejaculate during sex, but many more women may be capable of ejaculation. It is possible that not as many women have experienced ejaculation because, for female ejaculation to occur, certain psychological, emotional, and physical conditions must be met, and this can represent a significant inhibiting factor if one or more area is neglected. It has been found that female Tantra practitioners experience ejaculation most frequently because the prolonged and uninhibited nature of tantric sex helps these women to attain the conditions required.

Ejaculation certainly is a wonderful thing; thank goodness men and women can both do it.

Love Thyself

2006-05-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

You may not know this, but May has officially been deemed International Masturbation Month. If you did a search for this term online, you'd come across a number of sites running events like "Diddle for Dollars" to raise money for some great charities. In honour of starting up this column during the month of May, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about some of the health benefits of masturbation.

It turns out that masturbation (i.e. ejaculating/orgasming) is actually pretty important for both guys and gals (especially if you're not having sex often or at all).

The findings of a study lead by Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, suggest that masturbation is actually really important for men in their twenties.

According to Giles, "frequent" (five times a week) masturbation to ejaculation by males in their twenties helps prevent prostate cancer later in life. Prostate cancer kills more than half a million men each year, but the more that men masturbate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop the disease.

It is likely that masturbation is preventative of prostate cancer because frequent stimulation by ejaculation keeps carcinogens from building up in the testicles and prostate.

That's a definite health benefit, specifically for men, but there are many more benefits of masturbation for everyone.

For instance, masturbation improves your muscle tone. For ladies, it will strengthen your internal muscles - better muscle tone inside your vagina is fun for sex, because you can intensify and control orgasms; strong muscles are also handy when you're older, to help prevent urinary leakage.

Also for women, masturbating to orgasm will also help with PMS and can help relieve menstrual cramps.

Masturbation and sex also make one feel more soothed - it helps in making a person fall asleep. It reduces stress, enhances your self esteem, and can boost your immune system to protect you from infection. Orgasms have also been linked with improved public speaking.

When you orgasm, your brain releases opioid neurotransmitters called endorphins, which give you a feeling of physical and mental well-being.

Masturbation also helps you explore your own sexuality in ways that are sometimes impossible when you are with a partner - letting you get to know your triggers/hot spots and, for some of you, helping you learn to control your orgasms for when you are with a partner.

Now that you know how good masturbation is for you (especially if you aren't having any sex), I bet you're wondering why some people think it's wrong and just won't do it.

Masturbation has had a bad rap for centuries. In fact, even the word "masturbate" comes from the Latin "masturbari" which means: "to pollute oneself." Not a very encouraging term.

In Victorian times, children and young adolescents weren't allowed to put their hands in their pockets in case they touched themselves through the material. At bedtime, some little boys had to go to sleep with a metal band around their penis; an alarm would go off if they got hard during the night so that they could wake up and be punished.

Although those terrible times are over, when you were kids or young teens, I'm sure a few of you heard that masturbation is bad for you - it could give you pimples, make you go blind, ruin you for marital sex, or cause you to grow fur on your palms!

If you're Jewish or Christian, you may have even been told by your parents or rabbi/pastor/priest that masturbation is a sin! As "proof" they would usually bring up the story of Onan (masturbation is sometimes called "onanism") - the passage that this idea comes from is Genesis 38:8-10:

"And Judah said unto Onan. Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also."

There you go, so many years of guilty feelings about masturbation all because of a misinterpretation of that little bible passage. Many readers assumed that Onan masturbated to get rid of the magically rendered sperm and thus extrapolated that God disapproves of masturbation.

What's really going on in that passage is this: Onan's brother is dead, but God wanted a kid from Onan's brother. So god tells Onan to go marry the brother's widow (which was actually a common practice) and have sex with her - at this time, God would miraculously change Onan's sperm into his brother's sperm, so the child begotten would have the dead brother's DNA (not that they knew about DNA back then, but that's the concept they were getting at).

But Onan wasn't down with this plan - why should he squirt sperm that is not his into his new wife and then raise a kid that belongs to his brother?! Perhaps he and his brother were not very close?

However, he didn't masturbate to get rid of his brother's sperm - "he went in unto his brother's wife" - Onan still had sex with her, he just pulled out!

So really, I guess a more accurate interpretation of this passage is that: God hates it when you pull out - however, I would go on to postulate that God really only hated it when Onan pulled out .

[BUT!!! I don't recommend the withdrawal "method" over using a real form of birth control. ]

Voila! As far as I know, the only bad things that can happen to a person if they masturbate too much is: wrist or elbow strain, chaffing/temporary loss of sensitivity, stains, or loss of a social life and friends (if you spend too much time locked in your room).

And these can all remedied by taking a break from masturbating for a little while (or at least masturbating in moderation) - except for the stains, you're going to have to use detergent and water on those.

So there you go! It's safe, so be healthy and masturbate regularly - Happy Masturbation Month!